what should i do...advice needed please

[xnicolaxcx]

me and finleys dad split when i was pregnant twice. after we split he was really nasty to me and made me quite ill. my parents hate him (understandable) and always made me promise never go back.

sinse this weve managed to sort ur differences out and really want to give i another go. this was when i was 36 weeks pregnant. we kept it secret from everyone so we could make a go of it without everyone sticking there noses in.

i told my mum last night (we thought it was the right time) and she went crackers.
she said im stupid, shes never been so disapointed in me, not to play happy familys near her, he doesnt want me hes just pretending for finley. if one day we get married she wont come to the wedding and not put a penny towards it.

shes stopped speaking to me now. and wont even look at me when i see her.

i cant help who i love. and i want to give it another go.

me and my mum was like best friends now i feel like she hates me. i know shes just woried but i hate it like this. i feel like she wants me to choose

 

[Sherlock]

Maybe your Mum is just reacting as she is as she is worried for you, having seen what you have gone through in the past with your partner. Chances are she sees it happening all over again and doesn't want that for you. If they really feel that strongly about him, it may well be very hard to her to comes to terms with you getting back together. It must have been a hell of a bad thing that went on to cause that level of dislike of someone.

I have no idea how bad things got when you split from him while PG but it doesn't sound good. If you feel you are able to put it behind you and that it won't happen again then fair enough. If you are really sure its what you want, then hopefully your Mum will come round in time. It must be hard for her, having seen what has happenend. Maybe she fears your partner will interfere in your good relationship or something also? And she worries for your LO. So many possibles.

I hope it works out for you this time, but if it does not, then it may well be time to say enough is enough and put him behind you for good. Emotional rollercoasters are no fun, especially when there is a LO to consider also.

 

[xnicolaxcx]

i have told him this is his last chance beacause i dont want it upsetting finley.
in july he had a very bad moterbike accident and it changed him. all of a sudden he wanted nothing to do with me he wouldnt even speak to me.
whether it was something to do with the crash that made him like it i dont know. he said he cant tremeber most of it its all a blur (that may be just conviniet but iv put it behind me)
now its back to how we used to be. hes admited where hes gone wrong and its really upset him knowing what i went through.
my mum never liked him from the day i introduced her to him. she said he wasnt my type and just never really got on with him.

 

[Sherlock]

People can suffer changes in personality and mood when having had an accident, esp if it involves a head injury. My stepmother was in a coma after falling down a cliff and when she came round she had no short term memory and suffered terrible depression with which she still battles.

Has your OH had tests and seen a specialist about his possible personality change and injury?

At least it sounds like things have improved for you with him. Good luck and try and give your Mum a bit of time to come round, to at least be at a point where she is talking to you and able to accept it.

 

[Alis]

Ur mum's just worried u'll be hurt again, I guess. Maybe she'll come round in time. Mine did, but took a while. good luck xxx

 

[Redshoes]

Your Mum is in the wrong, you cannot live your life how she wants you to, she is being selfish and nasty You've just had a baby, she should want to be there for you and him no matter what, I would give her time to get used to the idea, hopefully she'll see that taking it out on you is stupid, she doesn't have to like him but she shouldn't take it out on you Very best wishes, I hope she sorts it out real soon

 

[Squiglet]

Sadly your mum has made the classic mothering mistake.... my mum did it with both my ex's... she didn't approve of these men, never got on with them, told me they wouldn't change, would end up hurting me... but the more she was against me, the more I was forced into these men's arms... It doesn't matter that she was right... but if she had just left me to it...told me she'd stand by me no matter what decision I made, I would have seen these men in their real light far sooner and been much better off...

ultimately this is your decision hun...

talk to your mum... tell her this is his last chance, you appreciate her advice and value her experience and want that to continue, but as an adult you need to be free to make your own mistakes, and being an adult means making mistakes not loosing your best friend..

 

[xnicolaxcx]

well i spoke to my mum yesterday and still no better off she went docors yesterday because she wont stop crying and hes told her shes got to see a physciatrist (sp?).

when i came in from taking finley to a birthday party last night she told me she wants to commit suiside. - she even told me how she would do it

i tell her i love her and i cant cope without her but she wont listen to me.
shes been down for a long time and i think this has just pushed her over the edge. she keeps having chest pains and very high blood pressure. if anything happens to her ill never forgive myself.

i didnt feel down after having finley but now i cant stop crying and feel like i cant do anything right sinse my mum has been like this.

 

[Krystal]

aww nicola i'm so sorry to hear this. don't blame yourself for whatever is going on in your mams head. we all get to a point in life where we have to take responsibility for our own destiny, you can't control others. Not saying don't be there for your mam, maybe go with her to see someone she can speak to etc but don't you getbogged down in the depression hun. For Finlays sake

 

[trixipaws]

omg this is a hard one to answer now iv read ur last post. i WAS gonna say ur mum is out of order and u should stay with ur boyf if he makes u happy. but altho she IS out of order, the whole depression/suicide business complicates things- and im afraid i dont feel confident about advising u now. good luck i hope ur mum gets better and u and ur boyf can be happy together