Warning - uncomfortable topic

[LouiseB]

Hiya, i don't mean to upset anyone but i'm going a bit crazy so i just had to ask...

I'm feeling a bit conflicted about the moral implication of having IVF.

Not creating embryos in a test tube, but what happens to any embryos that are created but not used.

I keep telling myself that it is only a couple of cells and that it isn't ever going to be a human until after it has been implanted so it's not like abortion (which some references link it to) but i am still struggling.

It's not about going to hell or anything like that, it's about my little wanna be baby being washed down the sink.

I'm sorry if i've upset anyone, i'd just like to know if you think about things like this and how you deal with them?

 

[emmaandamyleigh]

didnt want to read and run but im a bit confused by what your meaning. i think when they do ivf they take a few eggs and fertilise them with the sperm im plant them in to your womb one at a time then after a few weeks you take a pregnancy test to see if it works i think they freeze the rest of them till you want to try again i dont think they wash them away as you get a few chances to try it

 

[kizzibea]

I think unused embryo's are just put 'on ice' for the future.

In America some people do embryo adoption, where you can donate your fertilised embryos to be used for someone else.

 

[sarah1]

Hi Louise, Just wanted to let you know that I am sure what you are thinking about here is normal! I too am conflicted in my own head about IVF and its moral implications. You have every right to want to consider these things at such an important time. Maybe you can discuss your concerns with a doctor or someone, and certainly with your OH? Pleae don't worry yourself thinking that you shouldn't be considering these things, you can't help how you feel xxxxxxx

 

[LouiseB]

Hiya, thanks Sarah i'm finding it pretty overwhelming at the moment. My husband doesn't seem to have the same attachment to the embryos that i feel that i do.

Kizzi + Emma - there is a chance that there will be some embryos left over. You can only have a certain amount implanted at once and there are only so many children that you want. So, if you had 10 embryos (which would be very fortunate) you could potentially catch with each and unless you want 10 kids then some will be surplus to requirements.

You can donate them, but then you have to question someone else raising your biological child.

 

[Bead]

A very good question Louise - I can't believe hadn't really thought about it before! But now that I have... If we're lucky enough to have any spare to be frozen, I would definitely use them all in the future. (Yep, no matter how many we have! )

 

[Princess81]

I hadn't really considered that before, I can see why it's concerning you a bit

However Mrs, I think you will have to detatch yourself from that thought if you want to get thru this OK.

If you think about it, every period we have was the potential for a baby iykwim?

Even tho the embryo's a formed, there wouldn't have been any guarantee that they were the sticky.

You need to put it down to fate that the ones that are used are the babies that were meant to be born.

xx

 

[BabyLover]

I agree with Princess...

I never thought of it like that and I am sure they don't just flush them down the toliet or anything like that lol I think they get frozen, incase you want anymore children in the furture or if your first lot of cycle is not sucessful...They will always keep your unwanted eggs frozen, they have to, unless you would like to donate them.

Don't think about it being a potential baby, because like the other's have said it needs to develop and become sticky before it becomes a form of a life (baby) and I am sure people like this feel the same way, so what you are putting yourself through is normal, just try and relax hunni...if you need a good old rant then you know where to get hold of me

Donna xx

 

[zozo]

Hiya,

I wasnt too sure what to say but didn't want to read and run.

Not sure if this is exact correct information, but I have a friend who had IVF, and I've just asked her what happened with her unused embryos. She said they only managed to harvest 5-6 eggs from her, and fertilised them all. They look at the embryos to make sure they're developing normally and she had 3 implanted. 2 of the other embryos were ok and she had the option of having them frozen, donating them for research (the hospital she was at had a whole department for the research of genetic engineering and stem cell research) donating them to someone else, or having them destroyed. The other embryo was destroyed because It wasn't developing correctly, and would have ended in pain for the little embryo anyway. She chose to keep them frozen until she knew if it had worked, and it took her 2 attempts to get pregnant. The embryos left over she donated to research once she had her little girl. (I'm not saying I agree with this btw!)

I guess what I'm trying to say is, you should get a choice hun, you can choose to have all your eggs fertilised or just a few, or have all the embryos frozen or implanted. (Within a safe number). This is something very personal for you and OH, and most doctors will be more than happy to discuss all these options with you. You're certainly not alone though in feeling this way, a lot of women probably feel this way. Talk to your OH and see how he feels, but it's important if you are going to go ahead with this, you do it in a way you both feel comfortable with, and have discussed all the possible options before hand xx

Good luck hun xx

 

[LouiseB]

Thanks for the replies ladies - i knew i could count on you

I mentioned the same example to my mum and she said "well you'll just have to have 10 kids then"

I realise i have a choice, but i don't really like any of the options, but i'm starting to feel a little better about it.

If i want kids, which i do, i'll prob have to have IVF and that's that. The rest i'll just have to deal with as it happens because there is a chance i won't have a choice in the matter anyway

 

[misscrazycooki]

How come you are going to have to have IVF hun x

 

[LouiseB]

How come you are going to have to have IVF hun x

My hubby had a semen analysis and he has a high viscosity, low amount, low concentration and only 4% of them are moving normally so very low motility.

That's puts us in the category for ICSI IVF

He has Type 1 diabetes which is what we are putting down as the main cause.

 

[toni64539]

Hi Lou. I too worried about this if it came down to IVF as I have quite strong religious beliefs that would mean to me that once it's fertilised, it is a life and it's precious. A friend of mine in the faith had IVF and was told you have to pay x amount to have them frozen each year unless it's for religious reasons, then it's free little frosties, bless. You'll have to pretend your a Jehovah's Witness while your having IVF lol

 

[LouiseB]

Thanks for the reply Toni, not many people like to talk about religious beliefs.

I don't mean to offend, but is there a difference between them dying and being frozen forever? Or do you mean frozen to use them in the future? I think that is standard proceedure if you want more children that you got with your full IVF cycle.

I think i'm going to have to rationalise them away as being just a cluster of cells, just for sanity's sake and in the meantime keep my fingers crossed that i never have to make a decision about any extras.

I'm not even that religious, i was just raised with catholic morals.

 

[toni64539]

I mean both, yes, great if you use them in the future but if not, frozen "forever". Forever is a very fluid concept in my religion, if you've done all you can to preserve and respect a little life then god will take care of it. I know you said your not religious but hey, just a thought to put out there. It's all about respect and 'trying to do the right thing'. God gave us the ability and privilege to have children and some people are so careless with it. I think when ttc it makes you think about it a bit more, when an unfit mother gets pregnant, then gets an abortion, it seems so unjust, unfair and wrong. How can that be natural????

 

[toni64539]

P.S why is it any different if that cluster of cells is in a petri dish instead of a uterus, it's still a life x

 

[LouiseB]

Well, a cluster of cells is the same to me but the potential of the cells is different.

A cluster of cells in a petri dish is never going to grow and survive into anything other than a cluster of cells. It would need to be tended to in the same way that one might tend to a plant, and then it would reach a point where it would die in the petri dish anyway. It needs a uterus.

A cluster of cells already in a uterus would survive and grow without being tended to and would reach the stage of being a person.

Based on that reasoning, life doen't start until the cells are in the environment they need to reach full potential... the cells in the petri dish is always going to be a cluster of cells in a petri dish, so for it to end would be the end to a cluster of cells.

That doesn't change the standpoint on abortion, because those cells would turn into a child if not interferred with.

 

[toni64539]

It's still been put in a dish by us, so our responsibility. Just my opinion. I really hope you get put through you ivf quickly and all goes well for you chick. X

 

[LouiseB]

Well, i just hope you never get told you can't conceive naturally then