Warning - Rant on the way

[Geminiblue]

OK so some of you know my story....I took nearly a year I think to conveive my little boy, then whilst trying to conceive this time (last year) I was told I was in menopause and that I wouldnt ever be able to have anymore children. I resigned myself to the fact grieved and got on with it and moved on, I basically think myself lucky having my little boy as they said I was in menoapuse when I conveived him!!! So with my less than 1% chance I got on with life.

On hrt, I found would I was 12 weeks pregnant! My miracle happened....

Now, I have a couple of friends long term trying to conceive and a couple of friends who have recently had miscarriages, so I have been in both situations.

Some of them and making me feel really guilty about being pregnant "well you had one didnt you in the first place" or a woman sitting in the doctors giving me dirty/funny looks (I am just starting to show at 19 weeks)

I feel its really unfair, nobody knows what i have been through to get here just by looking at me, why would they judge and act like Ive stolen their baby token? Its really upsetting me. I dont speak about my pregnancy with those friends as its not fair, I dont discuss it on facebook or post pictures as I would hate it if I upset them. So why are they upsetting me? The problem is I can have a short fuse and will be reasonable to a point and I will loose it and dont want to xxx

 

[Mummy2Adam]

I understand where you are coming from for not wanting to upset them but at the end of the day you have your little miracle and should ne shouting from the roof tops. Do you think if the situation was turned they would upset themselves to ensure they didnt upset you? You need to do what makes you happy hunny and look after yourself and your little bundle of joy x x

 

[Geminiblue]

Thank you, I thought I was being a bit of a C*w bag and being insensitive...feel guilty now
Thanks for being supportive xxx

 

[i.love]

shame that they treat you like that.. This is just silly - of course you being pregnant doesn't affect their chances to conceive in any way.

But I can also understand that it can be hard on your friends that cannot have a baby. Try not to be too upset hun - remember, they are just unhappy, and are worth pitying. And whatever they say/however they look at you - remember, you really are so lucky and should be so happy, don't let these little things to get you down :*

 

[Mummy2Adam]

Your definetly not hunny, you have a right to be over the moon and share your joy with everyone, go on get shouting from the roof tops x x

 

[Sarah13]

Guess some women just feel really jealous, suppose we were all envious of pregnant women while we were TTC but I know I would never have let my pregnant friends know that (I didn't even tell anyone we were TTC!), or upset them for be being pregnant, I was just happy for them. Try not to let it get to you, your not rubbing anyones face in it and are being thoughtful and sensitive, there's not much more you can do, who knows maybe they will also get their little miricles soon too.

You might find your also being more sensitive about it and protective, the girl in doctors was maybe just feeling sad and wishing it was her, not trying to give you dirty looks just appeared that way, and your other friend probably just didn't think when she made her comments and didn't mean it to come out nasty, we all say things before thinking esp when we're upset ourselves. It can also take time for TTC friends to accept and be happy for others, I'm sure they will come round soon and be happy for you, after all you understand their pain, and well if they don't come round they weren't proper friends in the first place as nobody would wish fertility problems on anyone!

 

[positivity :)]

hi gemini

i remember that heartbreaking thread in ttc that you had to post after receiving the news u were in menopause. it was so so sad to hear and i remember everyone was so upset for you.

when i saw ur bfp i was so happy for you, the pain and torture u must have gone through is unthinkable (whether or not u already have one child). on this occassion u need to stop worrying about other people, if they are not intelligent enough to understand that this is a miracle for you and you should be able to enjoy it, they are not worth bothering with!!

xxx

 

[Kezzamunster]

Hi Gemini

I completely agree with Positivity, real friends wouldn't make you feel like that in anyway, never

Like M2A said, after everything you've been through you should be shouting it from the roof tops & shouldn't be made to feel that you should keep your happiness quiet

I remember your posts when I first joined the forum & although didn't know you, was absolutely heartbroken for you & think you should do what makes you happy, not what makes other people happy

I was only TTC for a few months & now it is put on hold for a few years & as much as I'd love a lil one, it's not the right time but I'd never be jealous cos of someone else's amazing news of a bfp, I'm just as happy & excited as they are

You are bringing a tiny lil person into this world & if people can't be happy for you then pfft them!!

xxxx

 

[PrincessPeanut]

Me and my OH had a miscarriage in October and were devasted to the point we ended up seperating for a little while. Then I found out I was PG again after such a rocky few months it was a massive suprise and despite everything has brought us both back together to the closest we've ever ever been. It's amazing. All through this a couple we are friends with and see every week have been married a couple of years, and have started IVF treatment because they've been struggling to concieve. They're doing it marriage and hopefully kids and seem to be the perfect couple where as we've had this drama and spiltting up and having all this drama in our lives then we fall pregnant by chance. I didn't want to rub it in their face as you can imagine and felt really guilty for being so lucky and blessed.

To start with they were very off with us and I totally understood, we didn't bring up baby or anything with them because I was terrified of upsetting them both because, although I didn't know what they were going through exactly with IVF, I knew how it felt to lose a baby so felt like I could sympathise with them on some level. I'm now nearly 23 weeks and it was just last week that they walked into the pub were we all go as I was showing a friend our scan photos, I was mortified but she immediately came over and started looking through all the photos cooing and saying how lovely they are. She asked to see them again last night to show her husband and I felt a huge sigh of relief. I'm still not planning on rubbing it in their face so to speak but i'm not going to keep quiet about it either.
No one know's what me and OH went through personally before we spilt and got back together, but i'm not going to hide away and feel ashamed. You shouldn't either. You've been given this miracle so stop thinking or feeling guilty about it. Enjoy every moment of it and be proud to be pregnant, you deserve it no matter what anyone else thinks. I've only just started feeling like this the past couple of weeks, because before I tried just keeping it to myself because I was so worried about what people would think. My parents aren't impressed at all because of the ups/downs me and OH have been through, but I've decided not to give a f$$k because I'm happy for once in my life and I'm not going to let anyone ruin this for us. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Bunnykins]

omg I can totally sympathise with you, me and my OH ttc for 3 and a half years and didnt have so much as a late period the whole time, we didnt make a big deal out of it but close friends knew we were struggling, and every month that passed we were more and more devastated, in the end before xmas we gave up and resigned ourselves we werent meant to be parents, I was suffering from stress and depression and on antidepressants and we decided we would seek specialist help when I was feeling a bit stronger maybe this spring.

In the meanttime my SIL fell pregnant pretty much first try, I was upset and jealous but I never showed her any of those feelings, it wasnt her fault and I would never do anything to take away from her enjoyment, so me and OH plastered on grins and made ourselves happy for them, which after a few weeks became real excitement for them. When we found out about our little miracle in Jan we were over the moon, but wary as anything could happen and we wanted it so bad, I spent all of tri 1 in a mess praying it was our time.

When we hit tri 2 and announced it, we thought people would be pleased for us, but I've actually found I am more judged and have temporarily lost friends. One friend has had several miscarriages and she finds it hard to be around me and cries when she does see me, which makes me feel terrible, another friend refuses to see me or have any contact with me full stop whilst I am pregnant as she miscarried last year (I didnt even know she had miscarried) and I have had complete strangers who are friends of friends refuse to speak to me at parties etc because I have a bump, sometimes I find myself explaining our struggle to try and justify my bump, but why should I have to????

Its not like I am shouting it from the rooftops, I barely facebook about it, I have kept my scan pics to only on this forum, I dont rub my bump much in public, all to try and save other peoples feelings because I was there myself once, yet people dont seem to care about making me feel guilty or bad about this amazing time in my life, its meant me and my OH have become quite hidden away during this pregnancy and we stay at home alot more!!

You sound like you had a rough time and your baby is a real proper miracle, you should embrace it no matter what anyone else says, you know the truth and if people judge you then that is because they are dealing with their own issues in their own way, but that doesnt make them your issues and you shouldnt allow them to put a dampner on this experience! *hug*

ps sorry for the massive ramble!!!

 

[Geminiblue]

Oh Bunnykins god what an awful time youve had and you are right, like the others are saying,I should just be happy and proud. And as you all say, dont rub their noses in it but dont deny it either hey. I think because i understand that they are in pain and how it feels in a tiny way then I just....oh you know what I mean. I have one mate who's been trying for a really really long time and shes been fab. I suppose when I start to get bigger and people can tell Im pregnant and not just fat then there is no hiding it at all hey ha ha. Thanks ladies for your support xxx