Venting feelings!

[T84]

So I'm not very good at telling people how I really feel so I thought I'd write it here. To anyone who knows about my mc, if they ask me how I am, my immediate reaction is to say 'I'm fine thanks.' No one really wants to hear 'I'm dying inside!' And to have that awkward chat where they don't know what to say to you. Most people didn't even know we were pregnant. We had only found out 2 days before after a Dr's visit for thrush and spotting in between my 'period' led to me being 7 weeks pregnant! We were sent for a scan and seen a beautiful peanut with a heartbeat and no explanation for the spotting whatsoever. How can 2 days later that same heart have stopped beating and literally be gone?

The whole thing is just so unfair. The emptiness I feel is unbearable - I just want a THAT feeling back! I'm sick of the constant reminder every time I go to the toilet and there's more bleeding. I'm desperate to get back to normal and ttc this month. But am I just doing it to replace the bean I had?! I'll never know. All I know is, I want the feeling back, I want the happy 'future' talks with hubby back, I WANT TO BE PREGNANT AGAIN!'

The hardest thing is on of our close friends would only have been 3 weeks in front of me. She's just had her dating scan today and posted it in our chat. I'm happy for them I really am, but I'm so freaking jealous too! Her pregnancy will be a permanent reminder of what I should have had.

So there's my long winded rant that I really want to say when people ask 'how are you?' That would be one awkward chat!!

 

[Iwant3]

So sorry to hear what happened - I didn;t know you had had a mc....Can relate entirely! on all of what you have said..... I saw my bean at 7w2d and saw the heartbeat etc and then 2 days later I was having a re-scan to make sure everything had passed in my miscarriage! I too wanted to be pregnant again ASAP to get 'that' feeling back. I went on to have a further miscarriage at 10 weeks where I also had a friend who would have been 4 weeks in front of me so relate in that department too!

If you want to chat of vent or have awkward chats pm me and say exactly what you feel = I'll more than likely of been there!

take care of yourselfx

I

 

[T84]

Aw thanks Angela. Hope your doing good! So sad for your losses too are you ttc again? Jen x

 

[Iwant3]

my losses were before I had Ettaley, she is my third child so no I a m not TTC again - I am happy with my little trio

Hope you're doing ok x

 

[naomip]

So sorry for your loss hun x x x

 

[Pumpkin9]

Hun I'm so sorry - I really get what you're feeling, in still desperate for my bfp after my mc in March - and I now know someone due when I would have been which brings it all back.

Hopefully you will stop bleeding soon and get your negetive so at least you can feel like you are back to being able to try if you want

Hugs and kisses xxx

 

[T84]

Thanks ladies :-* finally got my bfn this morning so a bit closure for me hopefully x

 

[Iwant3]

I got a positive opk 9 days after my negative preg test, so keep in mind you may ov quite soon after!

 

[T84]

I wondered that Angela. I've done opk's since my negative. Hoping for a positive in the next couple of days. Trying not to get too het up this cycle, I'm kinda considering it a practice run lol x

 

[JJ Mum]

Oh im so sorry T84 , ive been there, you will get througth this and actually I found getting that bfn and getting back to ttc gave me something to get stuck into again - wishing you lots of luck ttc. I missed ov that first cycle so would recomend ov strips xx

 

[T84]

Thanks Jen :-* positive opk tonight so that's promising. Fx! x x

 

[MrsS143]

The feeling stays a long time

Extra pain on their due date. First Christmas. Mothers day. 1st birthday ... Those kinda things
When friends close to your dates kid hit key milestones

After a while its easier but still the pain is there x