unhappy marrige

[mrsholmes]

My husband doesnt seem to want to spend time with me ha would rather go to his mates nearly every night and im sat here on my own feeling really lonely and i sometimes break down and cry. When i try talking to him he blames everything on me. Last month it was going around his work that he was having an affair which he said was a big joke to his work mates. I feel like my marrige is falling apart and don't know what to do we have a 1 year old and another one on the way and am at my wits end. I don't want to end my marrige as i love my husband very much but i feel like it's all my fault that this is happening. The only thing i can think of is to try marrige counciling, what do u think i should do?

 

[dyscochick]

honey, firstly it absolutely can't be all your fault. It takes 2 to make a relationship work, especially with a LO and one on the way. Don't forget hormones could be playing a huge part of it too. Counselling sounds like a really good idea cos you need someone to mediate and make sure you both take responsbility for the relationship. How did you out abut the affair rumours? do you trust that they are rumours and nothing else?

 

[mrsholmes]

Hi hun my family found out about the rumors and told me a few weeks later after a fight between my husband and brother, most of my family don't speak to him now which is a strain to say the least. At this time my husband is out with his mate again and gonna speak to him when he gets in about marrige counciling as i feel this is the only thing i can do.

 

[karenandbump]

Do u think he is cheating hon? Have u talked about it? Xx

 

[mrsholmes]

i don't think he would cheat but when i heard thats what was being said i had my doubts and the girl in question fancys my husband so i messaged her to ask her if anything was going on and she said there wasn't and she wouldnt do that as she herself was cheated on but she thinks its funny on what is being said which im not happy about.

 

[Daisy2011]

Hi MrsHolmes
Sounds like you have been having a very blue and lonely time.
Your OH doesnt seem to care about you or leaving you in by yourself to care for his child.

I dont have any answers for you about him becuase only you can decide whats acceptable.
However I think you need to have fun and do things for you. That means getting out and meeting people leaving him to babysit a few night a week and finding things that make you feel stronger and more confident in yourself.

There are loads of mums activities to meet other mums and all sorts of night time things choirs/zumba! and thousands of classes that will get you out of the house meeting new people and developing new interests. Its very important that you dont get swallowed up by being a mum without havinga a supportive partner and maybe when you feel better about yourself you will see that his behaviour is not good enough for you.

Honestly even if you go by yourself to these things its not tme before youve met new people.
So hope you have a better week but get out there and build a bit of confidence.
Love Daisyx

 

[dyscochick]

DP makes a lot of sense, do stuff for you and maybe he'll realise what he's missibg out on, either way you have nothing to loose cos being less dependent on him makes you a stronger person whatever. Glad you think he's not cheating, but it does sound like an odd situation and definitely going to be a strain if you r family don't get o with him either. You need to decide what you think is acceptable behaviour and try and talk to him or persuade him to do it with a third party, i.e. counselling. getting things sorted sooner rather than later is a must with another LO on the way xxx

 

[Geminiblue]

yep counselling is good and what the others said....do things onyour own. When I had my LO I didnt know anyone in my area...life is so very much different now. I have to remind myself that I cannot change anyones behaviour only my own...so if he is acting badly or inconsiderately, think about how you behave with or around him...so yes getting out will give him a shake up...what is he saying that you are doing that sooo wrong. Yep like the others have said...it takes two hey massive hugthis must be awful for you xxx