Ttc after chemical pregnancy, dealing with the fear of another loss

[Rhelen91]

This is only my second post, my first was back in September when I discovered that I had a chemical pregnancy (early miscarriage) at around 3-4weeks. I am now starting to think about ttc again in my next cycle, but I am terrified about the thought of miscarriage and stillbirth.

I have a little girl already who will be 2 in december, and my pregnancy with her wasn't too bad, I had very bad sickness and between 12-24weeks I passed out a lot. But from there the rest was pretty textbook. I had a few episodes of reduced movement, but the midwives didnt really care, I was told they were too busy and to "have a marsbar and a can of coke and wait an hour." Thankfully my baby was fine and I went on to deliver her naturally (after being told all the way through my pregnancy to expect to need a section) at 40 weeks +3 days. I had a rapid labour and at the end required an episiotamy and stitches because she got stuck.

Since having her I have heard so many stories where reduced movement has been fatal and the mother has ended up miscarrying, or the baby has been born sleeping and it has terrified me. My midwives just werent supportive enough and I'm scared that next time I wont be as lucky as I was with my daughter. It may be the recent chemical pregnancy but I just feel scared at the thought of being pregnant again incase anything goes wrong. I know you can get kick counting wristbands etc from count the kicks, but a lot of women have said there was no warning, no reduced movement, it just happened. I don't know if I could deal with that happening.

Any advice to deal with these fears is welcomed.
thank you.

 

[BunnyN]

I sympathize because I had a cp about 3 years ago and got pregnant the next cycle. My first weeks of pregnancy were difficult emotionally. Thankfully the pregnancy was okay and we had a lovely girl. We went on to have a baby boy and I am pregnant again. I am able to feel more relaxed this pregnancy.

Unfortunately loss can happen at any time. Some mothers loose children even after they are born healthy so there will always be something to worry about. Try and look at the positive side. You have a good chance of things working out. Stillbirth does happen but it isn't that common, especially without warning.

Sorry your MWs were not more supportive. The standard advice is usually to have something sweet and wait an hr but if you get really worried usually you can go directly to the hospital to get checked. Maybe getting a Doppler would help put your mind at ease?

 

[Rhelen91]

Hi bunny,
Good luck with everything in your current pregnancy. I have considered getting a doppler and probably will end up with one, but they arent really reccommended because a heartbeat is the last thing to stop, and just because there is a heartbeat doesnt mean baby is okay. So I dont to end up panicking myself even more. It's just so horrible when you cant enjoy your pregnancy because everyday is spent worrying.

 

[BunnyN]

Thanks .

Try to remember the internet can give us a warped idea of how often things go wrong too. It gives us access to way more stories than people we know in real life. It is also likely that mums who have had complications or losses will post more on forums like this.

 

[Tonks82]

I had textbook 1st pregnancy and looking back I was very naive, thinking everything would be absolutely fine. It wasn't until having my son I reflected on all the things that could have gone wrong and I still get very emotional about something that never even happened.
I think once you have had one successful pregnancy I think you find yourself subconsciously putting pressure on yourself to have another just as successful. Also it can be easy for the thoughts to start rolling around in your head that statistically your might be more likely to have complications of sorts with future pregnancies as you were lucky enough not to have any previously. We know that miscarriage is so common, it seems inevitable that its likely to happen to us at some point especially when TTC for more than 1 child.
I think I massively underestimated the impact of having my first chemical pregnancy was on me. The last BFP I got last month I almost felt disappointed as I knew from the moment I got that BFP I would be a nervous wreck and I was. That ended in another CP too!

I think you just have to push the worries to the back of your mind, it's pretty much out of our control, that's why it's so frustrating!

Best of luck hun xx

 

[Rhelen91]

Thank you Tonks,
I'm so sorry to hear that you've recently suffered a chemical pregnancy too. I think the biggest worry is 'what if something happens' and you know you already have a child that needs you and you have to be okay for them. I am absolutely terrified by the prospect of something happening to me and not being there for my daughter (I have a hole in my heart, and weak lungs, so labour is a little bit more complicated for me) it really is a wonder how some people go on to have huge families with 10+ children, how on earth do they deal with the stress. Haha. Good luck to you too in your ttc journey, and best wishes for a sticky bean and a healthy pregnancy xx