Traumatised

[dannii87]

I am feeling really traumatised by Evie's birth. I feel like I had 2 labours;

Labour 1:
Getting the pessaries, going home, being able to try and deal with the contractions myself etc. I felt in control and in tune with my body. I worked WITH my body and actually quite enjoyed it...

Labour 2:
Basically, as soon as I got to hospital everything went wrong

I just hate looking back at pics and stuff, everytime someone asks how it went, I get a bit tearful replaying it all.

I feel VERY let down by the staff at Bedford from beginning to end. The help with BF etc has been crap and my aftercare is crap too.

I just feel really let down Needed a moan!! xxx

 

[*Star*]

I can imagine it be hard for you

But you have to remember that everything turned out well in the end. Evie arrived safely.

I had a hard(ish) labour with my first. I didn't tear or have to go to surgery, but the midwife didn't believe that I was in active labour, and until the part that a friend of mine who is also a midwife came in and TOLD my midwife that I was ready to push, my midwife was trying to get me to pack my bags again and send me home.

I found it really helped to talk about it and my mum works at the hospital so she spoke to the head of midwifery about it, who in turn spoke to my midwife.

How would you feel about writing a letter to the head of midwifery? Maybe just getting it out into the open withing the midwifery team that dealt with you will help give some closure? Even if you don't end up wanting to send it, it may help for the time being. And I think the midwifery team (here anyway), have sessions with midwifes so you can talk about your labour and birth. Maybe you could speak to your midwife who visits you at home if you could get info on that.

Remember, it's only a week since you had her. It takes a while to get the hormones out of your system, and for you to heal up. I'm not saying that time will heal everything, but it does help.

 

[LaineyG]

I'd write a letter like Star suggested. You can also get counselling for a traumatic labour/birth, this might help you work through some of the things that are upsetting you.

I had a planned c-section with Mhairi because of my health problems. It was absolutley fantastic and I have no bad feeling about it, but, my ante-natal care was totally mucked up. I did think about complaining, but didn't really know where it would get me and by the time I thought about the letter it was probably too late. I guess I've just learned that if I do this again I'll be totally clued up and be able to demand the correct care.

to you luv, it's a difficult enough experience without hospitals adding to the distress!

 

[JoAnn&Aimee]

I can't imagine how hard it was for you. Have you met your health visitor yet? If so, speak to her about it. Talking to a professional will help. She might refer you to a counceller(sp?).

I didn't have as traumatic a birth as you did but I felt very let down with my aftercare while I was in hospital. The 2 other ladies in my ward were junkies whose babies were withdrawing from drugs. The midwifes were constantly looking after those babies and I felt ignored. I wasn't shown how to change her or feed her until the day I was discharged. The midwife who looked after me in the last month of my pregnancy reccommended that I write a letter to complain when I told her. I reccomend you do the same.

 

[NickyB]

We were given a leaflet about Birth Reflections, maybe it could help?

 

[Happybunny]

Aw Dannii sweetheart

I am so sorry you had such an unhappy and difficult experience, it really sounds as though you have had a tough time. Your hormones and tiredness this week will not be helping you to feel better either, you poor thing.
You should definately have a chance to get closure on your experiece. My sister also had a horrible birth and felt totally let down - and frightened to have another child. She wrote and complained to the department and they invited her in for a conversation about her experience. They ended up formally apologising and it made her feel much better (she realised she wasn't to blame - and neither are you)
I hope you feel better soon honey. (and btw, Evie is yummy, you did so well in the most difficult of circumstances!! )

 

[Morganuk]

Hi hun,

Time is a healer hun but you do need to be wary of PND as its quite common and can be brought on by a traumatic birth.
The main thing hun is that you are both at home safe and wellk, and that the worst bit is over.
I know your mums a great support to you so talk to her about all your fears, or when your feeling down and fed up.

You wil get through this sweetie, even if it feels like you won't at the moment.

 

[leckershell]

I don't know the details of your birth but somebody at my PND group was pretty traumatised by her birth and apparently each hospital has somebody who will run through your birth notes and reports with you and explain the actions of their staff etc. I think your midwife can arrange this locally for you. Somebody else in the group had gone through it at their hospital and things felt a lot clearer for them. Hope you can find some answers but don't suffer in silence. xx

 

[Becky]

I don't know the details of your birth but somebody at my PND group was pretty traumatised by her birth and apparently each hospital has somebody who will run through your birth notes and reports with you and explain the actions of their staff etc. I think your midwife can arrange this locally for you. Somebody else in the group had gone through it at their hospital and things felt a lot clearer for them. Hope you can find some answers but don't suffer in silence. xx

I had this nearly 3 years after the birth of Lucy. The hospital called it a "de-brief" and basically I sat in a room with a doctor and she was very nice and went through my notes and explained everything that happened the doctor's reasonings at the time.

It was well worth it and helped me understand what had lead to the circumstances of Lucy's birth. The reason I waited was that it hadn't really had any major worries about what had happened until I was PG again.

Definitely don't suffer in silence and make sure you tell your midwife/health visitor that you're having a hard time thinking about what happened. They should help, but if not there's always the PALS (Patient Advice and Liason Service) who I've gone through before and found them very helpful.

 

[Red_Fairy]

I felt very very traumatised after hannah - and i was tearful even speaking about it 8 months on. (i think that might have to do with the fact i had to also go through labour all over again soon)

The memories do fade hunnie - and people will stop asking how the birth was soon, so it wont be horrid having to explain it all the time.

I think what your feeling is very very normal, especially so soon afterwards.

I dont really have any advice, im no longer tearful when thinking of hannahs birth, my second labour was a lovely experience so i think i can now look at both, and know that my first labour wasnt my fault or anything like that! (sounds daft, but i really felt like id let myself down ect)

 

[Laur_250]

Sorry you're feeling this way Dannii I cant imagine how hard it must of been for you I have a friend who had a very similar experience to you and was left traumatised, she kept getting flashbacks and she vowed she would NEVER do it again. That was 4 months ago now though and she does seem to have forgotten alot of it and has even slipped up talking about more children so I think time really is the best healer here, though I do agree you should write as they did let you down and that isnt fair.xx

 

[clairescunny55]

as the others have said, it takes time. Millies labour was easier than ryans and after a few weeks i'd completely forgotton what it felt like. Whereas Ryans labour was worse and scarier than millies and i can remember every second like it was yesterday. If i were you i would write i letter saying how let down you feel. I felt a bit let down as they were too busy to induce me when they knew damn well that i was going to have a big baby, so they let me go 10 days late, and i've got to have surgery now because they left me late. You need all the support you can get after having a baby and if they're not doing a good enough job tell them xxx xxxxx

 

[Redshoes]

I think writing down how things were for you, not the medical bits, the emotional bits, will really help, talking about it with your HV and/or MW will really help too, but if that;s not something you wish to do, then you should find another way to get it off your chest. All women want to talk about their labour after the birth of their baby, and when its a labour we feel negative about or are upset by, it just keeps those low feelings going. I know how I felt after Isaac and it was horrible, and I too cried a lot, mostly alone too, and that doesn't always help. I found some peace by feeling able to talk to my best friend, and then over time I gradually felt better and I eventually stopped crying.

It is true you don't forget, not everything, but you do learn to look at your healthy, happy baby and know it doesn't matter now, even though it did then, because now you have what all that upset was for, and no-one can change that. That's my feelings on it anyway, and everyone's different, you may feel much better next week, you might feel very low, please talk to someone about it, face to face, and get support, like has been said you are close to your Mum, she'd be a safe and supportive place to start. PM anytime too, I shared some of my experience on here with another Mummy who had a similar labour and it helped me, you don't have to PM obviously, but talking to other Mummy's who've had similar experiences may be one option to try too. Sending very BIG hugs, I do hope things start to feel better for you real soon, take care of yourself

 

[dannii87]

Thanks ladies as the time is passing I am feeling much better about it!! I keep trying to tell myself to just enjoy Evie (which I am I love that kiddo so much!) and to worry about "next time" when the time eventually comes!

Thanks again girls. I might write a letter once I've met my HV xx

 

[happy-chick]

Hi Danni,

Sorry u had a bad experience. I felt alot like you after my labour/birth as it was very traumatic and long, the staff were pretty useless etc so I felt like i'd been cheated out of what I had imagined... I just wanted to say that it does get easier, given some time you will begin to put it behind you and just try and forget about it, I think hormones have alot to do with it in the early weeks too.