Toddler prefers father, very upset mummy :(

[Heres Hoping]

Im embarrassed posting this but im hoping for some advice or at least hear im not the only one who feels this way.

I have 20month old daughter who spends most of her time at home with me while oh works. Shes such a daddys girl but recently its got ridiculous. She has no time for me any more, prefers her daddy, crys for him and basically looks to go to him when im holding her. Ive been feeling a bit hurt by this recently but today I just burst into tears. She had fell and hurt herself but when I lifted her and tried to comfort her she started screaming and wanted to go to oh instead. I know rationally im being stupid and that shes only a toddler but it really does cut me to the core. I'll admit im now a bit resentful of my hubby cos of it, cos I do everything for her and he seems to just waltz in and get the benefits. Dont get me wrong he is a v good dad and im glad of that, but I just feel so rejected as its me who buys her all her nice clothes, toys, makes her nice dinners. I make time to sit and play with her all the time instead of just sticking tv on which hubby has habit of doing while he plays on his phone. Im always thinking ahead to the next occasion, e.g get her easter stuff in and decorating the house for her to enjoy. Im already planning ahead to her bday and things to do to make her feel special and included when new baby comes. Its all my doing, oh just goes along with it.

Im probably being hormonal and over dramatic but it just hit me today how hurtful it was when she didnt want me to comfort her. I had a good cry by myself which oh noticed cos of my puffy eyes. I didnt want to say what was wrong but he guessed and then basically made me feel worse saying to wise up shes only a child. He went off on huff then and now it's my fault for spoiling the day. I just wanted him to at least see my point and understand how it feels at the receiving end.

Im having another baby in a couple of months and im now just worried that it's going to make things worst as oh will obviously be more free to attend to her than i am if breast feeding and staying in hosp a few days. Im just worried it'll be a further divide between us which breaks my heart.

Sorry for rant but im just so upset and feeling like a crappy mum at mo despite everything I do and try to make her happy. Has anyone experienced the same?

 

[Mayflower85]

I don't mean this in a horrible way at all, and I am sorry if it comes across that way, but because you're with her every day and daddy isn't, she probably sees him as a bit of a novelty. I've no advice really, but please don't feel bad, children are funny creatures!

 

[Smileygirl]

Aww, I don't have any words of wisdom or advice really but just wanted to give you a hug! I know I would feel exactly as you do in that situation no matter how irrational I was told I was being! It is probably just a phase and as Mayflower says, it's probably cos she sees you all the time! It was only when I went back to work and saw my Lo less that I got all the cuddles and smiles that my oh was used to getting at the end of the day.xx

 

[littlemonkey]

Same as the other ladies, OH is probably more of a novelty so she's more excited to see him. The other thing is if you are giving your LO more attention than your OH, your LO probably realises that she has your attention and doesn't need to do as much to get it. Whereas she may feel she has to make more of a song and dance for daddy.

I sympathise, I'm 34 weeks pregnant and I'm struggling to do as much with my two year old son as I'd like. As a result I feel like he wants more to do with daddy who can do more than me. The hormones don't help either!

Just keep doing what you're doing with her, she'll come back to you soon enough.

 

[flisstebbs]

Jess is 16 months now, and becoming more of a Daddy's girl than she has been in the past. Hubby and I split childcare and work fairly evenly, and up until very recently she would always "prefer" me, especially when hurt/ill etc. Hubby is slowly taking over more, including some night stuff, and there is no more "mama" calls when he goes into her. It feels odd, like the cord being cut again, but ultimately I'm quite pleased as it gives me a break and when new baby arrives for us, hubby will have to do even more with Jess than now.

I can see why its upsetting, but hopefully its just a natural process which will allow you the time you'll need with the new baby. No one will ever replace you as mummy, and I'm sure as young as they are, these kids really know how to play us. I myself am played like an old fiddle by my toddler!

 

[SpinSugar]

Hugs. I could have written this. My lo is such a daddy's girl she won't leave his side . She was crying last night and was kicking and biting me because she just wanted him. The second he came in she settled right down.
It does hurt but i have no advice I'm afraid xx

 

[TTT]

Really don't take it personally! I think its a girl thing. My niece is like this and I remember my mum would get upset when I was little and tell everyone I was a daddy's girl yet my mum was very soft so my dad had to be the disciplinarian, and I was still a daddy's girl, right into my teens. I also remember my dad sitting me down once and talking to me because id made my mum cry cos id seen an old photo of them when they first got together (I was about 6/7) and I said "its a good job you met dad, mum, or you might have not found anyone to love you". Pretty awful but I didn't know it was so mean at the time. I ended up having a difficult relationship with my mum through my teens (for lots of reasons and a traumatic experience) and my mum always wanted that Hollywood mother-daughter relationship which isn't real.

So what I'm trying to say is its totally normal and natural. Boys are mummys boys and girls are daddy's girls - until they grow up. So don't take it personally, she will appreciate everything you do for her when she is older and understands. I have a good relationship with my mum now, equal to the one I have with my dad.

It could also be a good thing as it will relieve you when the new baby comes and take some pressure off you since your little girl loves spending time with her dad so much. And don't feel silly at all! You are being normal.

 

[Heres Hoping]

Hugs. I could have written this. My lo is daddy's girl she won't leave his side . She was crying last night and was kicking and biting me because she just wanted him. The second he came in she settled right down.
It does hurt but i have no advice I'm afraid xx

Think what hurts the most is that oh was so dismissive of how I felt, even if im being irrational theres no need to rubbish my feelings. We're still not speaking to each other.

SpinSugar. .I know you've had your second baby (congratulations by the way ). How has your little girl been since? Has it got worse since the babys arrived? x

 

[MrsS143]

Look at it differently
Look at it as when daddy is there... daddy can do everything for her
And you can do something nice for yourself in peace!

 

[Durhamchance]

It's not just girls, Mayflower is spot on with daddy being a novelty. My boy only sees his dad for 30-60 minutes a day as he's at work from early in the morning until nearly bedtime, so my boy constantly asks for him, gets excited to see him and brings me to phone to ring him.

If we're all at home and daddy pops out of the door (to go to the garage or get something from the car) my boy goes berserk. Likewise if we're all in the car and daddy gets out to nip into a shop or even just put petrol in, I'm left with a hysterical child. But none of this happens the other way around

Try not to take it personally, if anything it will make it easier when the new baby arrives as your girl will be happy to be left with daddy for a bit while you focus on your new addition x

 

[Holi]

I understand what you mean about oh dismissing your feelings, that would annoy/hurt me too!

My lg is a mummy's girl and I see how much it hurts my oh when she pulls away from him for me. I make a conscious effort when she does that not take take her and to actually make her realise daddy can comfort too

I can honestly say it's getting a lot better now, it was worst at about 14-18months now at 21m she enjoys both our company!

Try not to take it personally - her world begins and ends with you but she just doesn't realise it!! X

 

[Mrbump83]

I know this sounds silly but my little girl is 14 months and I gave birth to our son 5 weeks ago.
In the months while I was pregnant she was just like yours, always wanting daddy, never wanting me etc
I thought it was because she was bored of me, having me all day and daddy just for an hour at night ( still think that plays a part) and it got worse when I had a c section and couldn't pick her up for 2 weeks. I cried!!

Then all of a sudden it changed. Now even though I'm with her all day and she makes a huge deal of get daddy, it's me she comes to for daily comfort and reassurance. If she falls she will ask for daddy, but if she is I'll, which she was, it's me she wants.
It all just changed once I was well enough.

Sad as it sounds, but it's almost like she knew I was pregnant and then I was unfit due to c section. Once that was done she's all over me

I'm sure it will change very soon, just kerp being the fab mom you are, she needs you more than anymore and deep down you all know it x