Toddler and new baby

[littlemonkey]

My youngest is coming up to a week old and while my two year old son has handled the situation fantasticly, we are starting to see it affecting him. There's been the odd emotional tantrum out of nowhere, he's being more clingy with me especially. It doesn't help I was in hospital for a week and when I came home there was suddenly this baby! Bed time is particularly becoming an issue, with the last couple of nights he's refused to go to bed on his own, and getting upset. The one that gets me is the odd time he will say 'sad'. I ask him why he's sad and give him lots of cuddles to make him feel better.

We're trying to do so much to make it easier for him, without spoiling him or pandering to him. We're doing as much as we can to keep him in his usual routine and put the baby down to give him one to one attention. We're also trying to involve him with nappy changes, feeds etc. The only thing I struggle with is I've had a section so can't physically lift him, he's a big boy! But I make a point of getting down to his level for hugs and get daddy to lift him into bed for me etc.

Is there anything else any of you second, third or more times mums can suggest? Is it just a matter of time?

 

[Goat]

Hi hun, my little girl was the same, over the moon but once she realised what a new baby really meant she did get a bit upset and throw the odd tantrum. However she was 21 months and apparently at that age the start of tantrums and bedtime issues are quite common. I hadn't realised this but the combination of new baby and that phase certainly doesn't help. A bit of advice that was given to me was if your playing with the toddler and the baby starts crying don't feel as though you should finish off the game with your toddler before tending to the baby as that can make the toddler feel uneasy that another baby is crying and nothing is being done. Just say to toddler that baby is crying so we have to go and see if it's ok, do you want to come? That piece of advice actually really really helped.
As for bed time, I have complete sympathy as it's heartbreaking hearing them like that and you potebtially can't help because your tending to the baby so oh has too? All I can do is reassure you it doesn't last. For us it lasted 2 weeks (then she climbed over the cot so we had to put her in a big bed which led to 2 more weeks of disturbed nights.) However what did happen was that OH would do her bedtime story and put her to bed and still does (winner). It also enhanced the bond between her and daddy so she became less clingy.
I also had a section and my daughter is a big girl too so I understand how difficult that is. I wouldake her climb on my lap for cuddles, go down to her level like you're doing.

It sounds like you're all doing so well and it's just the adjustment phase now. It will all settle into place and once you start feeling better from the section and can get out more things will become 10000000 times easier.xxx

 

[Goat]

Sorry for all the typos!x

 

[littlemonkey]

Thanks Goat, reassurance that it will get better helps at least!

It just breaks my heart when I have him crying for me at bedtime and the sad thing.

 

[H16]

Awww bless his little cotton socks! My little girl will be 22 months when baby arrives so I am not looking forward to any of this either x

 

[Rooster30]

My 2.5 year old is really struggling. So many tantrums. I just feel devastated. No advice just sympathies.

 

[Durhamchance]

I'm dreading this I'm going to be in hospital for a week too and having a section so I won't be able to pick him up.

 

[littlemonkey]

Oh ladies I hope it's not too hard for all our little ones to adjust!

He seems to be getting there with it all. Although he's started trying to pick the baby up for hugs and climbing into his carry cot to give him cuddles!

 

[Rooster30]

My toddler is slowly, very slowly adjusting. He's gone from down right ignoring her to at least talking a little to her. He gave her a kiss for the first time yesturday and he pretended he was on the phone with her this morning. Tiny steps.

 

[Mrbump83]

My little girl has been fantastic and we did the same as you.
She spends all day cuddling him and kissing him, sometimes she won't let us near him, she wants to do it lol
We involve her in nappy changes, washing him etc she's only 16 months and his 9 weeks. But one thing I made sure of ( I had a c section) was time alone. I took her out a lone a few times without baba to ensure she got one on one time. Days out at zoo etc it was hard at times with the pain from the section but it made a huge difference. Sometimes we would prioritise her over baba, if he was crying we would give her a quick cuddle and kiss before dealing with him, other times asked her to wait while we dealt with him.

We let her pick toys for him, ( she's a bit young to understand but she takes a toy to him every morning now)

She's had loads more tantrums since him come but that's pretty much gone now at 9 weeks a long. She's also struggled to go to bed seeing baba was still up, so we changed his routine so he has a bottle before her and was asleep. That really helped.

It does get better esp when you feel more involved after healing. The first 6 weeks I cried loads thinking she hated me x x x

 

[blondy13]

There are 22 months between mine and dd1 has had a very similar reaction.
Bed times are a nightmare at the minute, she just screams mummy mummy and it is just heart breaking. I think as goat said it's unfortunate timing of terrible twos/2 year sleep regression.
Dd1 is now 2yrs 1 month and dd2 is 3 months, and it is starting to get easier. The tantrums have eased a bit, and she seems to like having her sister around. I just try to get her involved in everything, they love thinking they are helping you! And when ever I can I try to spend some one on one time with her, even if it's just 10 mins.

 

[brand new]

We r 3 days in and I'm finding it so so hard. DS is 2 yrs and he keeps trying to kick her he just is finding it so hard. And I'm finding it difficult in keep disciplining him. And seeing him cry breaks my heart. This is the hardest thing I've had to do.

 

[julianne]

It will settle down. He's realised that this new baby isn't just here for a visit. Sounds like you are doing brilliantly! Does he understand 'sore' and 'hurt'? I showed my 2yr old my section wound telling him I had a sore tummy and couldn't lift him/ boisterous play.
Xx

 

[littlemonkey]

It will settle down. He's realised that this new baby isn't just here for a visit. Sounds like you are doing brilliantly! Does he understand 'sore' and 'hurt'? I showed my 2yr old my section wound telling him I had a sore tummy and couldn't lift him/ boisterous play.
Xx

Yeh we've done the whole mummy has a sore tummy thing with him. I don't know how much he takes notice though!

Hes settled down a lot over the weekend. I think it's because we've been sending him to the childminders in the week and he's not been sure about what's going on. He's seen this weekend he still gets to do all his usual things with mum and dad. I'll be interested to see how he is going to the childminders tomorrow. It's probably not helped the situation but it has helped OH and I have a break and a rest while every thing settles down with baby. Feel like no matter what we do its the wrong thing!!

 

[Ella1979]

My daughter says she feels sad on occasion. I've actually never linked it to having a brother!!! Toddlers do say some weird things and can't always find what would be the correct word for something they're feeling.

Just doing what you're doing - giving lots of hugs and reassurance - is all you can do. My two (3 years old and 18 months) are incredibly jealous of each other and will squabble and push. We just try to give them both as much time individually as we can. They go to nursery two days a week now. I take my daughter to ballet once a week so my son gets time with grandma looking after him. Today my mum's taken my daughter to hers for lunch and I've had some time with my son (although he's been asleep for the last hour and a half!). At weekends, my OH will sit with our daughter and read books or we set up her painting stuff; while I play with our son in a different room.

Can you do something like taking your LO to the shops to get a new book, just for him and just for bedtime for you to read together? Introducing something new/different into his bedtime routine may help xx