To interfere or to not interfere? that is the question.

[Freya]

Ok what would you do.

my daughter has a good friend. she is a bit of a minx - and gets a lot of her own way at home. She is older than daughter (1 year) and my daughter really looks up to her. this week I have seen her be nasty to my daughter a few times but let it go as I believe kids do this.

Tonight my daughter has had another friend over and all 3 (daughter minxy friend and 'other' friend stayed for tea). Anyway before I write a novel I will cut to the chase.

They played in daughters bedroom and when I went up to tell them time to go home I find 2 sheepish looking children and my daughter really crying. Turns out minxy friend had said daughter couldn't go near her. she had excluded her from game and told her sit in the corner of own bedroom and not to go near them. Daughter really upset.
What would you do in this situation?????

 

[Alfiesmummy]

are they still there? i would be fuming one its your daughters home toys rom etc and to be told by this child she is not allowed to be included is awfull, next i would tell both girls mums as im sure if your little girl had been mean you would want to know so you could correct this behaviour, if they are still there i would call parents of the children and get them to collect them and spend some time just you and your little girl and comfort her,

 

[Freya]

thankyou Alfies mum you have made me feel sooooooo much better.


I felt angry so I did tell minxy daughter off and say what do you mean she couldn't go on her own bed etc. etc. etc. If you cant play nicely together then you will have to stop coming here to play.

Husband said I overreacted and I kind of know what he means because I know kids will be kids. But I just couldn't help myself.
Should add that daughter is 5 (next week) and not a tell tail or anything but can be a bit of a wimp. So I have told her to stand up for herself next time. Sometimes this mothering malarky is damn hard.

 

[Princess_Puddles]

thankyou Alfies mum you have made me feel sooooooo much better.


I felt angry so I did tell minxy daughter off and say what do you mean she couldn't go on her own bed etc. etc. etc. If you cant play nicely together then you will have to stop coming here to play.

Husband said I overreacted and I kind of know what he means because I know kids will be kids. But I just couldn't help myself. I also told friends daughter the same thing and I think friend (who was also here) a bit peeved of with me.

Should add that daughter is 5 (next week) and not a tell tail or anything but can be a bit of a wimp. So I have told her to stand up for herself next time. Sometimes this mothering malarky is damn hard.

I think you done the right thing, it is hard when they're not your children, my Mum never used to say anything so it made it worse for me when friends came over and excluded me etc...

 

[Freya]

Thanks princess puddles. Worried that maybe turning daughter into a wimp by interfering but just can't help myself......

 

[foxymum]

no you have to stand up for her & tell that kids parents! its so hard especially if a friends kid is being nasty to yours, coz you want to say something , but a lot of kids are so sneaky that they will make out they are not being horrible to your child when confronted.

i have been in this situation with Georgia many times, the sad thing is that as they get older it just gets worse (Georgia is 10 1/2 )
i had to ring a girl in Georgia class's mother last summer coz the girl had been picking on Georgia for days & she shoved her (Georgia had a broken arm at the time) into a wall & i'm not having that.
the mum was ok, but we aren't as friendly now though, but thats the way it goes & a true friend will always understand if you have to say something about their child.
good luck & sorry for rambling!!!

 

[Tiny Sue]

Hi Freya

I would definitely interfere. I would say that if they can't play nicely then they can't come any more. It doesn't matter who they are - if they are let do that kind of thing they won't stop. And if they are doing that at 5 what will they do when they're 10? Kids need limits and they also need to learn empathy. Point out that they wouldn't like it if your daughter did that to them.

Naomi's little friend from next door came over for a visit the other day. He used to live next door but they moved away about 8 weeks ago now. Anyhow, he's about a year older than Naomi and is walking, talking, etc. Naomi is still about a third of his size, he's a big boy.

Anyway - as children will he made a beeline for her toys. And that's ok, Naomi needs to know how to share. But what got my goat is, no matter what she picked up, he decided he had to have it. So if he was playing with her bear, and she picked up her book, he suddenly wanted the book. His mother was like, "oh, now, Naomi might share her book, but you have to let her look at it too ok?"

And then, I went out to make coffee only to come back in and see her watching as her son shoved my daughter on the ground (she can barely stand) so he could have her ride-along. I stopped him physically from doing it and I don't think she liked it but sorry I'm not having that!

The visit ended with me putting Naomi in a high chair for her tea and the little fellow reaching up and taking her cheese, demanding her toast and generally wanting everything he saw.

I like my friend but I think she gives her son too much of his own way. It's a dilemma but I think I would always interfere.


Sue

 

[budge]

Ok what would you do.

my daughter has a good friend. she is a bit of a minx - and gets a lot of her own way at home. She is older than daughter (1 year) and my daughter really looks up to her. this week I have seen her be nasty to my daughter a few times but let it go as I believe kids do this.

Tonight my daughter has had another friend over and all 3 (daughter minxy friend and 'other' friend stayed for tea). Anyway before I write a novel I will cut to the chase.

They played in daughters bedroom and when I went up to tell them time to go home I find 2 sheepish looking children and my daughter really crying. Turns out minxy friend had said daughter couldn't go near her. she had excluded her from game and told her sit in the corner of own

bedroom and not to go near them. Daughter really upset.
What would you do in this situation?????

Ignore it. kids will be kids. and your daughter needs to learn to fight her own battles.
twos company threes a crowd. next time only ask one friend over freya. a lot less hassle i can tell you.

 

[Urchin]

Personally I would ask the other 2 if they want to go home or do they want to play nicely, you have to point kids in the right direction sometimes, eg, ask them how they would like being excluded like that.

 

[Dee1985]

i dont no what to say, i no what ild want to do. drag the little toe rags out the house!!!! but i think what i would if it was Dior ild call her down stairs ask how she felt? does she want them to go home? if not then i would tell her to stick up for herself. and dont let any one be nasty to her in future.

my mum was terrible with me i remember i was getting bullied at school one day 3 girls came to my house to fight me. mum told one of the girls to get in the garden then got me to fight her. i had so much anger as it had built up for so long i ripped her to pieces, never had trouble again from any one not when the hardest girl in school had black eyes.

but that was then. i dont like fighting now so would never want my kids doing it. sorry went a bit oftopic then

kids will be kids though its just the way it goes. and i am dreading the day Dior is really upset by someone

 

[Freya]

Thanks for all the replies. I know what you are saying Budge and I will definately be doing that in the future

I have used it as a teaching experience for own daughter. Asking her how she felt and now she knows how it feels that I hope I never catch her doing it to someone else etc.

OMG Foxy mum don't do that to me - It can't get worse
Going to prepare for other friend visiting today. Better start doing my caliming exercises now

 

[Em78]

i think you did the right thing by interfing a little bit. now your daughter realsies that this behaviour is not acceptable either towards her or from her to someone else. if you had let it go and not said something then she would have thought it was ok for people to treat others that way. now she knows its not she just needs to build the confidence to stand up for herself. she needs to realise that it doesnt matter if someone doesnt like her or want to play with her - its their loss and its best to move on and find new friends. once you try to keep pleasing people to make them your friends there's no end to it.

hope she gets on ok with her other friend today!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[foxymum]

Thanks for all the replies. I know what you are saying Budge and I will definately be doing that in the future

I have used it as a teaching experience for own daughter. Asking her how she felt and now she knows how it feels that I hope I never catch her doing it to someone else etc.

OMG Foxy mum don't do that to me - It can't get worse
Going to prepare for other friend visiting today. Better start doing my caliming exercises now

good luck for today, isn't it a shame that we have to worry when we have friends over?
i had a friend over last tues & her son who is 2 trashed my house, tried to climb up my brand new american fridge, kept being rough with Louie & sorry but was a general pain in the arse & the whole time his mum didn't really pay attention
my husband works hard for what we've got & for people that clearly have no respect for your house/children really makes me .
sorry for the rant

 

[*saulino*]

Hi

Thats aweful kids can be so nasty.It happened to me alot as a kid and it really affected me because i didnt stick up for myself, im very insecure with meeting new friends ect and dont speak up for myself.
I think itrs a must to teach kids not to put up with mean kids

Katrina

 

[Freya]

Thankyou for all the replies I really appreciate it. It certainly makes me fell a lot better about how I acted.

 

[alschafr]

i would have definately interfered, no child comes to my house and makes my daughter feel unwelcome in her home