Time away from your child/ren

[Happybunny]

BTW: I am not criticising people who have to work, today's housing is very very expensive and many simply have to, including my dear sister. I just get annoyed with people, like my old boss, who stick their kids in nursery from 8-6, 5 days a week so that they can afford their stupidly big house, designer gear, car and 2 holidays abroad. There has to be more to life?

So many parents do have to return to work once maternity leave is up, or even before. Being a stay at home mum with a working partner almost seems like a bit of a luxury these days . Needs must means parents have no choice often enough. However, scaling down a lifestyle can also mean more quality time with family. I think it depends on the family and circumstances as you say.

I plan on being at home pretty much full time till school age. Although I have said to OH I'd like to do something for a few hours a week once my maternity leave is up just so as to have somewhere else to go that does not involve children. Be it working in a local shop to a yard full of horses, something different will be nice. OH works from home a lot so is happy to care for LO when I work. But I don't plan on doing more than 16 hours a week maximum. However, if needs must then I shall have to work a bit more, but hopefully it won't come to that. We lead a very low key lifestyle already and can't get any more low key if we tried so its not that I am giving up masses or changing my life dramatically to have a child.

I've looked after children for many years now and its been full on. I know whats ahead of me with my own child. Having my own at this point in my life I am ready for them, but I also still hope to maintain some semblence of 'me' while growing as a person with my child and with my partner. I value a bit of me/us time and don't view it as being selfish for myself, but that it will be better for me/us in the longer term as a couple. I don't want to be swallowed up by being only a Mum. I have other parts of me I still hope to be able to embrace from time to time. To deny or ignore them would do no one any good.

It may not always be easy, but I shall work with my partner to find a good balance for us and our LO.

I very much agree with your sentiments, you are right not to loose sight of yourself or your marriage whilst giving as much care and attention to your child as it needs.
I intend, like yourself to be a SAHM until school age, however, as they get a little older, I am certainly not against doing some supply teaching or continuing my voluntary work. I don't want to loose my professional identity altogether. I am sure as the child gets older I will feel more able to leave them with a trusted friend or family member.

 

[Suzie and Faith]

I hadn't even thought about this sort of stuff!

I'm not sure how i'll feel really. Part of me doesn't want to let LO ou of my sight, EVER. Lol. But part of me knows i'll like a little time away, that could be hours or maybe overnight.

I want to be a SAHM SO badly. I only worked part time before as i was a student. I'm now doing my OU degree. I'll probably need the money. That upsets me me and OH live with my mum at the moment but are hoping to rent once LO is born. I'd rather scrimp and scrape and be a STAHM than have luxuries.

I've always seen holidays as family things... but who knows....

 

[Sherlock]

I hadn't even thought about this sort of stuff!

Aww thats ok. I wasn't expecting everyone to have thought about it. ITs just something, along with a few other things I've been mulling over.

I guess I'm maybe more aware of all the aspects of having a child having nannied for so many years and seen everyone elses children being brought up. I've always had a strong opinion for how I would like things to be for my own family, but nannying can also open your eyes to other ways of doing things. What works for one doesn't always work for another.

I'm also very big on keeping my own identity and so on and don't want to be swallowed up in being a Mum and that alone while I am a stay at home mum. I'd like a life outside of that on occasion. I know many women feel they have that without having nights away from their child/ren. Maybe its my age, maybe its what I've seen caring for other children and families, but I want time solely with my partner on occasion. That my parents are happy to have LO overnight when old enough works for me

 

[Sherlock]

Thanks to all who have replied so far Its been interesting to read all the different POV.

 

[Suzie and Faith]

Thanks
I know what you mean about being a mum taking over life. I want it to in one way, as in it's very important to me and i want to do the best by my little one.
But i don't want to just be a mum. That's why i'm keeping up with my studying. I gave up my degree to be a mum and now the OU means i can do both
I'm looking forward to one day having the career i'd planned on! And i will definately go back to work once LO/LOs are at school.

And i'm sure the older they get the more time they'll spend away from me, my mum looks after my niece and nephew overnight if my sister wants to go out, and she has done since they were younger, though not when they were babies.

I'm sure your nannying experience helps you a lot!
I know nothing about babies or children or anything!!!!! I'll learn soon enough!

 

[Tiggergirl]

When I was a kid, my gran used to live on the other side of the country to us, so from age 5 or so I used to stay with her for a couple of weeks every summer.

Now me and my brother and sister have grown up, only my sister lives anywhere near my mum and dad. My brother is a single dad and works full time, so it suits everyone all round for my nephew to stay the odd week with my parents - my brother gets a break, my parents get to spend time with their grandson, and my nephew gets to spend time with his cousins etc.

I've thought quite a bit about whether we would do the same, I guess after the first couple of months we would probably go up to visit and let my parents babysit for the odd night or while we have a day out or whatever. For any length of time longer than that we'd probably wait until she is maybe 4 or 5.

For me it's not necessarily a selfish act, but I think it's good for the baby to get to know the rest of the family and for grandparents to get to spend a bit of quality time with their grandchildren.

 

[floppit]

I sort of want something similar - I certainly want extended family to have the time and chance to develop a good bond with LO, and I want her to have people to go to when she's at that age her parents are driving her bonkers!!

I've said to my best mate that I'd like her and her partner to feel like they can have Freya (LO's name to be!) with them when they want to, not just to babysit for us. What I mean is as she gets older they might be going somewhere like the beach or whatever and think it would be nice to take Freya and I want them to ask. I'd like freya to have sleep overs at aunty's house, but not 'just' when we want a night out, also when they have a day off the next day and want to do something exciting with her.

Hubby's parents live on the side of a mountain in the Lakes, after his Dad has had his bypass surgery he'll be back to fell walking and I think it'd be LOVELY for them to sometimes have Freya when we're not there - say in the school holidays when we might go for a weekend and she can stay if she wants through the week or two till we pick hewr up. It's a magical place to be and if she's anything like me (or her Dad!!) she'll crave hillsides.

Sometimes we'll use babysitters just because we want to do something without Freyas and I don't think theere's anything wrong with that, especially with family and friends all willing. BUT I don't want her experiences of being left to surround us not wanting her with us, I want them to be just as often (if not more so) because other family want her with them or because she wants an extra bit of time getting spoiled.

Does that make sense?

 

[Geordie&Bairn]

BTW: I am not criticising people who have to work, today's housing is very very expensive and many simply have to, including my dear sister. I just get annoyed with people, like my old boss, who stick their kids in nursery from 8-6, 5 days a week so that they can afford their stupidly big house, designer gear, car and 2 holidays abroad. There has to be more to life?

I totaly agree with this sentament
i work as a Nursery Nurse and i can say with certanty i know theses children more then thier own parents some are full time 5 days a week 7.45 to 6.15 kids

i know both parents have to work theses days to pay the bills and i feel for them there are some parents who would dearly be able to spend time with thier children but cant afford to.
but then we have quite a few parents who have so much money from one spouse earning. they do not work but still thier children attend full time at the Nursery.

I could not do that to my child

Anyway
Once in a while im hoping to take Collier back up North and allow my parents to spoil thier Grandson while i have a break with James
not to far way just be able to go out for a walk alone with him or a day trip out while my MAM and Dad have our Son.
No big hoildays abroad with out him
i could not do that id miss him so much

i feel at least once a week going to a creche for a few hours when he is older will be good for his confidence and social skills. But this would be a mother toddler type thing where id still be around on the fringes

that leads to a few hours with out me and a play school mabye but not for long a morning session prehaps
i could never leave him all day as i would miss him and id miss out on him growing

 

[kazlin]

Well for a fair few months I will not be leaving Daniel over night on his own with anyone. I really cannot predict when I will let him, but obviously will do eventually regarding grandparents at some stage.

I am going back to work though in October, hopefully I will be able to do just two or three full days, if they will allow that, but definately not full time. My mum is retired and is really happy to look after him. We need the money financially and I also enjoy working and mixing with adults so working a couple of days would be ideal

 

[clairedoran]

Me and my husband have been away for long weekends and to weddings without our daughter. She is 4 now, and is very well adjusted and independent. We've been very lucky with both sets of parents as they are all fit and healthy and love having her. She has also been on lots of weekend breaks with us as well. We have only really gone away for special occasions. But we still have a good social life and will leave her overnight at our parents, who both live within walking distance of our house. Happy parents=happy children. I should add that she has co-slept with us since she was born, so it's nice to have our bed to ourselves once in a while

xxx