I've done lots of thinking on this. Excuse longish post, but anyone who reads my rambles knows they do get to the point eventually 
My experiences as a nanny these past 15 or so years have shown me that having some time away from your children can be a positive thing. I've cared for many children whose parents went away for a couple of nights, a weekend away and so on. Others whose fathers were away for longer periods of time and whose mothers then also had to work or go away for up to a couple of weeks at a time. Some parents have left me to care for their children for 3-4 weeks while they went on their annual winter sun holiday.
All of the children coped really well with being left with someone they knew and had a good bond with. Yes, on the longer trips the children missed their parents, but were surprisingly upbeat and happy and not overly upset at not seeing their parents for a few weeks. I had ways of coping if they ever got a bit upset or wanted/needed to talk to Mummy and Daddy. They also had days with grandparents and so on to break up the time. Most of these children had been left in the care of others like this since they were babies. The only problem I ever had with a child was in a family where the parents had never left them overnight until the youngest was 3. It was the girl aged 5 going on 6 who had the real problem with them then going away. She then caused her younger sister to become upset. But after the initial upset, they adjusted and I cared for them a number of times for up to 3 nights at a time.
Now, for myself I want to be able to do the same. Not have a nanny and go away but to be able to leave our LO in the care of my parents or good friends who are very excited at our having a baby and looking forward to an overnight babysit and so on eventually.
Hubby and I don't go away on holidays as such, we prefer long weekends and things like that. We'd leave LO here at home so they are in their own environment to start off with, and work up from one night away, say to go see a show in London, to a weekend.
I hope to be able to do this from when LO is about 6 months old. I plan on letting my mother and a couple of other people care for LO during the day also, at least for a few hours so a) LO can get used to others caring for him/her and b) so I can have time away for myself. We also plan to use a good babysitter so we can have evenings out from time to time. I don't plan on doing that until LO is at least 6 months old. Until then my mother has offered to babysit if she comes up to stay overnight.
I know this sort of thing is not for everyone and that some won't want to leave their child in the care of others. I think that my experiences as a nanny have shown me its possible and I have seen many ways of going about it, so have a fairly strong idea in my mind of how I hope to go about it all.
I don't mean I am going to abandon our child every month or anything like that, but a few nights out, a few weekends away and once they turn a year old, maybe start one weekend a month going to visit grandparents for a weekend so even if we don't go away, we have time to ourselves. I feel very strongly that I want to give time to our child but that my husband and I will need time for ourselves also, so hope to find a good balance that works for us. My belief is that if we start this early enough, while still a baby, before it could become a possible issue or problem, LO will be used to it and content when we go away.
I should add my mother was a single working career mum (she and my father separated when I was a baby) and growing up I was also used to her not being there overnight or for a couple of nights a week. Maybe that is why I am more comfortable with this sort of thing than someone else might be.
Have any of you Mums-to-be given this sort of thing much thought? If any? And if so, why do you feel its important for you either way? Are you like me and hoping for some time alone with your partner/friends etc or are you wanting to remain (with partner if there is one) your childs sole carer in that first year (and beyond I guess)?
Thoughts are welcome
My experiences as a nanny these past 15 or so years have shown me that having some time away from your children can be a positive thing. I've cared for many children whose parents went away for a couple of nights, a weekend away and so on. Others whose fathers were away for longer periods of time and whose mothers then also had to work or go away for up to a couple of weeks at a time. Some parents have left me to care for their children for 3-4 weeks while they went on their annual winter sun holiday.
All of the children coped really well with being left with someone they knew and had a good bond with. Yes, on the longer trips the children missed their parents, but were surprisingly upbeat and happy and not overly upset at not seeing their parents for a few weeks. I had ways of coping if they ever got a bit upset or wanted/needed to talk to Mummy and Daddy. They also had days with grandparents and so on to break up the time. Most of these children had been left in the care of others like this since they were babies. The only problem I ever had with a child was in a family where the parents had never left them overnight until the youngest was 3. It was the girl aged 5 going on 6 who had the real problem with them then going away. She then caused her younger sister to become upset. But after the initial upset, they adjusted and I cared for them a number of times for up to 3 nights at a time.
Now, for myself I want to be able to do the same. Not have a nanny and go away but to be able to leave our LO in the care of my parents or good friends who are very excited at our having a baby and looking forward to an overnight babysit and so on eventually.
Hubby and I don't go away on holidays as such, we prefer long weekends and things like that. We'd leave LO here at home so they are in their own environment to start off with, and work up from one night away, say to go see a show in London, to a weekend.
I hope to be able to do this from when LO is about 6 months old. I plan on letting my mother and a couple of other people care for LO during the day also, at least for a few hours so a) LO can get used to others caring for him/her and b) so I can have time away for myself. We also plan to use a good babysitter so we can have evenings out from time to time. I don't plan on doing that until LO is at least 6 months old. Until then my mother has offered to babysit if she comes up to stay overnight.
I know this sort of thing is not for everyone and that some won't want to leave their child in the care of others. I think that my experiences as a nanny have shown me its possible and I have seen many ways of going about it, so have a fairly strong idea in my mind of how I hope to go about it all.
I don't mean I am going to abandon our child every month or anything like that, but a few nights out, a few weekends away and once they turn a year old, maybe start one weekend a month going to visit grandparents for a weekend so even if we don't go away, we have time to ourselves. I feel very strongly that I want to give time to our child but that my husband and I will need time for ourselves also, so hope to find a good balance that works for us. My belief is that if we start this early enough, while still a baby, before it could become a possible issue or problem, LO will be used to it and content when we go away.
I should add my mother was a single working career mum (she and my father separated when I was a baby) and growing up I was also used to her not being there overnight or for a couple of nights a week. Maybe that is why I am more comfortable with this sort of thing than someone else might be.
Have any of you Mums-to-be given this sort of thing much thought? If any? And if so, why do you feel its important for you either way? Are you like me and hoping for some time alone with your partner/friends etc or are you wanting to remain (with partner if there is one) your childs sole carer in that first year (and beyond I guess)?
Thoughts are welcome
It is going to take a lot for me to be able to trust them to respect our wishes. If that happens, I will be happy to leave the child with them for a few hours.
. Needs must means parents have no choice often enough. However, scaling down a lifestyle can also mean more quality time with family. I think it depends on the family and circumstances as you say.
