telling your partners parents (unsupportive parent probs)

[chelsea]

basically i found out 2 weeks ago that i was pregnant and me and my OH are so scared to tell his parents, they will be very spiteful and vindictive and say "oh she did it so she doesnt have to get a job" and "you're only doing it to trap him, its all on purpose" and basically i dont want their negativity to rub off on us, we are scared enough as it is without them blaming him/me for ruining our lives. my partner (27) still lives with them as ive just got my new place and he wants to save up some money, which he wants to do now more than ever, he wants to move in after xmas because by then he could have more than £2000 saved up for this baby/general spare money if we need it. but when we tell his parents the likelihood is they will kick him out and he will have to come and stay at mine, which i dont mind, but we would be so much more better off if he could save up and then move in later in the pregnancy, we have been together 4 years and they are still funny with me, because of the unemployment thing. his parents still treat him like a kid (he found his dad rummaging through his back pack the other day searching for anything that could be used against him)and his mum will go in and tidy his room for him and stuff. he hates living like that but he is living there so he can save up money for the future (which has been the plan for months!)

so basically after me rambling on for ages what is the best way to tell his parents who are going to be negative about this whole thing? so far our plan is to have the first scan and then go armed with a scan picture and basically say "this is your grandchild, if you are going to be negative then dont be involved with anything until your attitude changes" i and he would never stop them being involved from the beginning, if anything i want them to be involved, i lost my mum at the age of 4 and dad at 16 so the baby will have no grandparents on my side and i want them involved with the looking at stuff to buy and me asking his mum for advice.

so yeah, how can we tell them and then ultimately deal with the negativity

(ps there is no way they will be happy about this decision for a few months yet and their reaction will be as bad if not worse than we are expecting)

 

[chelsea]

useful reply yes i do, and by the time baby is born, alot of them will be dead because they are all old now

 

[Krystal]

you got 29 rats lol?

trust you to ask.

Chelsea: I would try not go in with the attitude.. this is your grandchild and if your gonna be negative don't be involved (something like that) Go in as positive as you can and show them the scan pic. Let them take the lead. If they become negative then confront them and deal with it but hopefully they'll surprise you and be excited for you

 

[Becky]

To be honest I don't think there is going to be good way to tell them as they seem to already have their minds made up about you both.

If I were you I would sit them down one day and tell them together (show a united front) and tell them that this is happening and that its something you both decided on and you hope they will be happy for you.

Good luck, in-law issues are something I'm familiar with (I'm the wicked witch who kept OH from making the most of his career etc etc.) but the best way we've found to deal with it is to show a united front and make sure they know that any decision is something you have both agreed on.

 

[Urchin]

I'd be tempted not to tell them....yet.... if they are gonna be like that about it.

 

[chelsea]

i wouldnt have worded it the way i wrote it, thats just the kinda thing weve come to the conclusion of, because i dont want them to constantly be negative about it towards me, hence the not being involved, but i wouldnt word it like that

thanks everyone, OH wants to do it himself because he doesnt want me getting hurt with what they say. but the united front thing seems a good idea! i think we will just have to do it and wait and see and hope for the best, im sure once its born they will think completely differently as they will have a grandchild but its just the bit before that that we need to deal with

thanks everyone will let you all know how it goes (when we tell them )

ETA (reply to urchin) we arent going to tell them yet, we need to know whats going on first (dates etc) but we dont want to leave it too long either as then they will turn around and say "well do you not think we had a right to know before blah blah blah"

 

[fran_23]

i think your plan sounds good- go with the scan pic! it will show them that it is real and happening and they will have to face it..what person with any kind of heart could be nasty when they see a baby scan of there grandchild? it could soften them a bit!! hopefully and to be fair if they are still negative about it then you'll want limited contact with them probably..if your OH moves in with you then you'll manage..we women always find a way

hope it works out ok for you..

 

[jills10uk]

perhaps if you go into the situation as excited and happy about the whole thing they may feed off your happiness and get caught up in it and be happy for you? if they are still negative i would ask them for support on your behalf since you lost your parents. i hope it goes well for you

 

[chelsea]

i think i just dont want this baby to be born to grandparents that dont want it. and although i have support/will have support of many of my friends around me, who have had children themselves, i want them to be involved in the planning and stuff.

hopefully a scan will help!

 

[nickilubs]

I think you need to just be really positive about it and make sure your OH is really positive because if he goes in with "Chelsea's pregnant it wasn't planned" then they will turn around and be buggers about it. I would get your scan then just say "we are going to have a baby" say baby not pregnant because for some reason soon as you say "Im pregnant" you get asked what you are going to do where as if you refer to it as "we ARE having a baby" you cancel out the negative questions straight away.

I hope they take it well and all goes good and hi to all the rats!!!

 

[chelsea]

yeh think we will say baby not pregnant, thats a good plan!! thanks

 

[Lola's Mummy]

I wouldn't tell them yet.

We didn't tell OH's parents until around 22 weeks because we knew they didn't have anything positive to say and i wasn't ready to hear it until then

 

[mummy2be]

Yes i agree with the edvice about leaving it as long as possible - that way you can same as much money as you can before D day! I asl think that you should tell them in a very happy positive way as if you are expecting them to be delighted! Then, if they are nasty about it, you can be visible distraught (not rude) and make them feel terrible! Oh can move out and you can get on with being a happy family - knowing that the in-laws certainly aren't. It won't be long before they want to see their grandchild!

 

[trixipaws]

sweetcheeks and nickilubs agree with their advice- good luck!