Struggling with it all

[caseysmummy11]

I'm having a hard time coping at the moment. It will be 7 months on the 6th of this month that one of my twins was born sleeping. The ache in my heart is worse than ever. We found out last week that she could have been saved and it's eating me up inside. It's also almost 12 months since my 12 week scan, the first time I saw her little face and little legs kicking away. I'm just wishing I could go back to that day so bad. It's constantly on my mind, I'm constantly thinking about the whole day they were born, we didn't know she was gone before she was born so was a big shock and had to hear them try to bring her back and it keep replaying over and over in my head. And I keep picturing her perfect little face. Ive been trying to just get on with things for the sake of my family but I don't think i can keep on pretending I'm okay when I'm breaking inside. I just miss her so much. I'm dreading going back to work next month as I work in the hospital I had all my antenatal scans and appointments in and my office is right opposite the ultrasound dept. I don't know what to do. I think I may need to go back to councilling as I'm really struggling with dealing with it all now xxx

 

[babyscotcher]

I obviously don't understand what you are going through but I didn't want to read and run.

Get the help you need to be there for your Lily and your little boy. They need their mummy too. You will never forget Zara and the pain will always be there but it will get easier like it does with all loss.

Hope you have better days to come. X

 

[laurat]

Get yourself some councilling honey you have been through a horrendous time and obviously need to talk about it! ❤️

 

[Clementine]

Hi Honey, I can't imagine the loss you feel but I would strongly recommend you get grief/loss counselling especially as you will be working in a hospital and have daily reminders. Also I would ask your GP to take your bloods and check your B12, your TSH & Free T4, Vitamin D and Magnesium all of these can affect your mood. I would take Orivite which is a high Vitamin B Complex, you have been through so much it's still early days.

A good friend of my sister-in-law lost one of her twins at birth, she was expecting a boy and a girl, she lost the little boy - they were delivered very early. It's now 4 years down the line, she speaks about him all the time, she believes her little boy is watching out for them and they visit his grave very regularly and his twin knows all about him. His Mum believes that he offered up his little life so that his twin would survive. It's a tough tough journey - keep talking to friends & family, treasure the time with your little girl that survived and don't be afraid to ask for help and if you speak with a specialised grief counsellor they should help you cope with your thoughts xxxxx

 

[caseysmummy11]

Thank you for the replies. Ive been to see the gp today and she's going to refer me and wants me to come back on the 17th to see how I'm doing and to rediscuss anti depressants etc. I will ask about the bloods at my next app though thank you. She thinks I may have post traumatic stress as I have a high anxiety level too atm. I didn't realise how common it was to lose one twin until after I'd joined sands and there's a whole sub forum for it. Xxxx