Someone be honest with me...

[Valley Girl]

... are any of you feeling fragile, lonely, taken for granted, emotional???

My hubby and I only got married two months ago and recently all we do is argue.

We argue about housework mainly, I really feel I need extra support at the moment and I'm not asking for the moon, just more help WITHOUT being asked. I don't want a relationship where I have to ask him to do things. The trouble is that we keep having these explosive rows where I get so upset I can't stop crying and crying. I feel he doesn't understand how emotionally raw I am, and that it isn't that alone that makes me upset, it's that when I do get upset I feel it much more than before I was pregnant. He gets really angry when I cry and turns his back on me, when what I really need is some affection and reassurance that he loves me more than ever.

He says he feels that he is unloved, because he can't remember the last time we kissed properly. But it makes me feel really sick ever since morning sickness. I can't physically cope with a tongue swashing around my mouth. I've tried to be more affectionate in other ways but the tension between us is sometimes unbearable. And it isn't that I've gone off sex, far from it!!! But the trouble is that he's not particularly interested in that either, he doesn't have a massive labido. And that makes me feel even more rejected.

It's stupid things which trigger it iff. On Saturday I got up with the kids (4 and 6 from my previous marriage) and let him lay in until 10. On Sunday I felt really unwell with a horrid cold and felt so tired and achey. I got up with kids at 9 and he said he'd come down in 15 minutes and make me a hot drink. 45 minutes later he still hadn't appeared and he got angry with me when I was a bit off with him because I felt it was really thoughtless. I just don't feel like he is putting me first at all at the moment. And it really hurts!

I know my hormones affect things. And I know that things must be frightening for him at the moment, because this is his first baby, but I cannot work out why we are so seperate at the moment... so distant.

I find it all so upsetting. Is anyone else experiencing problems in their relationships which are pregnancy induced... or is it just me???? It certainly doesn't make it easy when you are worrying about pregnancy and motherhood.

 

[frangelle]

My Oh can be quite selsish and thoughtless, but I do think that being hormonal does make things so much worse than they actually are.

Men don't understand how tiring and unpleasant being pregnant can be.

Have you tried sitting him down and explaining how you feel?

Hope you get it sorted soon hun

 

[Ladybird]

I think most ladies will find a lot of what you said familiar! I'm sure this phase will pass. When me and DH go through a rough patch it often has to get really bad before we have a huge blow-out then sit down and talk for ages to sort things out. Maybe you've got close to that stage.

On the subject of crying, you and I know that we cry when our emotions are so close to the surface it just spills out and is totally involuntary. I'm a wuss and cry a lot, whether it be watching telly, a piece of music, DD singing in a concert, or when we've had a row.

Recently DH was telling me about having to give a warning to a girl at work who started crying. He said to her 'tears won't work with me' or something to that effect. I said to him 'Oh, I see! You think girls cry to manipulate you, get something we want, a bit of emotional blackmail etc. We don't, it's just emotion and we can't help it'

The point I will eventually get round to making is.....! He might turn his back on you when you cry cos he thinks you're doing it deliberately. If yo explain to him that you're not he might just be a little more understanding and you won't feel so abandoned and hurt.

Look after yourself.

 

[Josephine_Beth]

Hi Valley,

Hormones tend to fly higher around your time at the moment, I think the ladies on here know exctly how what I have been through with my fella, like your situation to be honest. However, until he realised I was ready to jump off the balcony, he changed, plus seeing junior at the scan really changed his attitude. You're at a stage where the pregnancy may not show a big affect in your every day life but it soon will.

Leave things be, don't clean, don't do his washing, let him see that without the kind things you have been doing, he's doing jack and will change his tune.

 

[Valley Girl]

Thanks for your advice.

I think sometimes I'm too honest about how I feel and it lays me open to hurt.

I'll be glad to have my body back to normal!