so messed up today!

[EllieC]

found out that my cousin had a baby boy yesterday- same weight as my son. I am thrilled for them but it broke my heart. After a preterm birth (beautiful girl and she is now ok) a late missed miscarriage that i was induced for 2 early miscarriages I fell pregnant with my son and after being diagnosed with underactive thyroid(put previous history down to that) had a very medical but ok pregnancy and had a healthy boy who caught a virus whilst we were still in the hospital and died at a week old. I so desperatly want another baby but still miss him and yet i am terrified of the prospect of having another as it seems no matter what it goes wrong , i am just thinking what will go wrong next time as it never seems to be the same thing. Went to a sands meeting last night which i felt better after but the next day its all so raw. Sorry to rant and rave just having one of those days when it feels like life will never be ok and everything in the future to do with children seems terrifying.

 

[Kezzamunster]

I'm so sorry for everything you've been through & never apologise for ranting, that's what we are all here for hun

Just want to send lots of

xxx

 

[JoJo79]

rant away its what this place is for xxxx

 

[karenandbump]

Oh hon, can imagine that u r hurting beyond belief. Rant away and we're all here to support you. Big hugs x x x

 

[EllieC]

thanks guys! nothing seems to make any sense anymore. last time i was so scared but as long as i got through the pregnancy then all would be ok -someone once said, its only when you hold them in your arms you know its ok and i did and it wasnt. I feel so cheated. My daughter said to me the other day about my cousins baby,' mummy it might die' and that just broke my heart, she was no excited and loved her baby brother so much and now she thinks that babys just die and thats normal. I hate that her innocence has been taken away like that

 

[LoopyLouize]

Wow hun you have been through alot!

Rant away We will always listen.

Im sorry for your loss x

 

[kanga86]

I'm so sorry for ur loss, u must be a strong woman to cope with all that u have. So if u need to rant about it here we are always here to listen xx

 

[laurat]

Ellie as the others have said you feel free to say whatever you want! It is certainly not a rant, you have gone through so much you need to let it out there! Were here to read and just let you know we are all sorry for what you have had to go through. It so unfair, the world is so messed up at times. Big hugxxx

 

[EllieC]

Thanks for listening, I know that some of you have heard from me before so thanks for being so patient! there really is something to be said that only once you have a loss do you understand so it is 'nice' that i can come on here and just let rip.- we are all in the club no one wants to join. I know that you are all suffering too and I am sorry . love and hugs xx

 

[LuW]

Never ever appologise to us about what you're feeling! You shouldn't ever appologise to anyone for feeling sad when they think you should be happy for them.
You've been through far too much to care what they think you should or shouldn't feel and don't ever let them make you feel guilty for it!
Take every day slowly and don't think about others, just your family as it is and helping each other through this difficult time.

Thinking of you right now hun and remember, it's never a rant on here! Just a way to express yourself.

LuX