found out that my cousin had a baby boy yesterday- same weight as my son. I am thrilled for them but it broke my heart. After a preterm birth (beautiful girl and she is now ok) a late missed miscarriage that i was induced for 2 early miscarriages I fell pregnant with my son and after being diagnosed with underactive thyroid(put previous history down to that) had a very medical but ok pregnancy and had a healthy boy who caught a virus whilst we were still in the hospital and died at a week old. I so desperatly want another baby but still miss him and yet i am terrified of the prospect of having another as it seems no matter what it goes wrong , i am just thinking what will go wrong next time as it never seems to be the same thing. Went to a sands meeting last night which i felt better after but the next day its all so raw. Sorry to rant and rave just having one of those days when it feels like life will never be ok and everything in the future to do with children seems terrifying.