Single....what shall I do?!

[welshbird]

I really need some advice cos I've got myself into a bit of a situation!

Since Christmas, I've been having a very casual (usually drunken!) fling with a guy from work and I've just found out that I'm 6 weeks pregnant.

I'm 28 years old and I've always said that I want kids but I just don't know if this is how it should be. I've been broody ever since my close friends starting having kids 2 years ago but I just don't know if I can do it alone.

I can't decide whether it would be best to have a termination? I'm worried that I'll regret it though. One part of me wants to go through with the pregnancy but the other part of me likes my single life and thinks that maybe I should hold out for the whole package!

I've not told him yet but I'm presuming that he won't want to know. He's a couple of years younger than me and a bit of a lad! I don't even know if I should tell him if I decide not to go through with it? I have got a great family though. I'm an only child and I know that although my folks would be a bit disappointed at first, they'd be thrilled eventually. I also live really close to them so I know I wouldn't go short of help.

I'm also worried about work if I decide to keep it. People know we've been together and I'm sure we'd be gossiped about!

It all seems such a mess and I just don't know what I should do for the best!

Any advice or similiar stories would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks, xxx

 

[Jade&Evie]

The decision on if you have a termination or not is up to you- but if you choose to keep the baby you should really try to involve him. After all, he might suprise you and it IS his baby too...

 

[Llys]

I think the first thing you need to do is talk to the guy.

Tell him, see his reaction, then make the best decision you can on that information.

If you think you can bring up the baby on your own, then don't be pressured...!

I've had a bit of a fairytale ending with my situation, but it won't happen to everyone unfortunately

 

[welshbird]

Do you really think I should talk to him even though I'm still undecided on what to do? Most of my friends who I've spoke to have just said to tell him if I go through with the pregnancy.

If I tell him now, I'm worried that he might talk to people at work and I don't want everyone knowing our business. Especially if I decide not to go through with it. I've got quite a responsible position at work and I don't want this effecting my work and what people think of me.

Would be interested to hear your fairytale ending Llys!

 

[Jade&Evie]

chances are if he doesn't want the baby then he won't tell anyone about the pregnancy- he wouldn't want to seem like a complete dick!

Although the law states it's a womans choice about what to do with the baby I really believe that more men should be allowed a say- at the end of the day he would still have to pay CSA towards the child- its a legal requirement now. At least give him the chance to air his feelings now and you will be a lot clearer on where you stand.

Its not about you and him- it's about the baby and how much it would be loved and wanted.

 

[lfc_sarah]

I think you should tell him either way

His reaction might change the way you feel about keeping/not keeping the baby

 

[MissSara]

It is one of the hardest choices that you will ever make, but i will tell you to involve him no matter what he says it is his baby aswell and both of you need to talk about this, even if it is just to see where you stand with him and baby

If your family are supportive why not have a chat with them, please what ever you do do not bottle it up to yourself.
When i was pregnant with my son, i was young, new i was going to end up being a single parent some where down the line and the best advice ever was from my supportive family.

 

[Llys]

Do you really think I should talk to him even though I'm still undecided on what to do? Most of my friends who I've spoke to have just said to tell him if I go through with the pregnancy.

If I tell him now, I'm worried that he might talk to people at work and I don't want everyone knowing our business. Especially if I decide not to go through with it. I've got quite a responsible position at work and I don't want this effecting my work and what people think of me.

Would be interested to hear your fairytale ending Llys!

Of course you must tell him - regardless of what you have decided. He does have a right to know! Put yourself in the same position that he will be in. How would you feel?

My story is with some of the other girls in "relationships over - long post" a few of us have had the tell other party then the other party ran away thing!

 

[Penstraze]

Hi I was in a long term relationship when I found out I was pregnant but it was quite a shock especially for my now husband and he totally freaked out and said if I chose to keep the baby I'd be finishing us and how I would be all alone with a baby and how would I cope. It was scary I had no idea how I would cope and started to doubt myself was I really doing right thing keeping the baby, but I knew in my heart of hearts I would never forgive myself for having a termination and I strongly believe everything happens for a reason so I kept to my guns.

I was lucky he came round after the initial shock we brought our planned marrage forward and we're both looking forward to the baby now the situation isn't perfect or how we'd have planned it but now the baby feels like a blessing!

Everyone is different and only you can decide what is the right thing for you to do, I only told you my story to show I totally understand how frightening the prospect of being a single mum is. I think you need to put aside people gossiping at work that may happen but you cant make such a life changing decission based on what other people will think! I do think you need to speak to this man and let him be part of the decission but again thats up to you, don't rush your decission take your time to let it sink in and think what you definately want and when you are totally sure one way or the other then act on it! When I first found out about being pregnant someone said to me if you wait for the perfect situation to have a baby you'd probably never have one, which helped me alot!
I really hope whatever you decide that things work out for you

 

[welshbird]

Thanks for all the advice guys....talking about it and getting some completely unbiased opinions really helped.

Unfortunately though I started bleeding on Friday and when I went to the hospital, I was told I'd had a miscarriage.

I guess the decision has now been taking out of my hands.

 

[dannii87]

Oh I'm so sorry...

You keep your chin up hun and just know that nature did all it could but baby wasn't strong enough to continue growing as fast as he/she needed to in order to make it past 12 weeks... I'm so sorry. xx