Sex

[crackers24]

I feel a bit silly for bringing this up but i hope u guys can give me some insight into this problem of mine.

Basically, i've completely turned off when it comes to sex. I don't get turned on or even come close to it. Sometimes just thinking about it makes me sick (not physically), i just dont like the thought of it anymore. My sex drive wasnt very high before pregnancy anyway, but now, it's almost completely gone

What do i do?

Have any of you had this problem?

And what about DH, poor thing?

Thanks for your replies in advance.

(Woooohooooo i've reached my 100th post )

 

[Julia]

Hello!

As you may have seen from other posts, it is my DH with the problem of not wanting sex AT ALL during my pregnancy!! It happened with my first pregnancy also. It just totally freaks him out.

He has been completely honest with me (which we always are with each other) and said that pregnancy does nothing for him and he sees my body as belonging to my unborn baby rather than a sexual thing!!! He can't cope with the fact that there is a child just up inside me where he would normally obviously put his willy!!

Luckily, I have not wanted sex at all either so we are okay. But I hope things improve after the birth.

The reasons why I do not want sex is as follows:
- I hate being "bigger" and feel really unsexy
- I can't wear my usual clothes so therefore do not feel at all glamourous anymore
- I am too uncomfortable knowing that I have a child inside me (and I want to protect it)
- My cervix hurts from time to time

PLease do not worry about how you feel. It is completely normal to feel the way you are feeling (I know loads of women who have not had sex through their entire pregnancy). It may continue for a while once the baby is born - so don't be shocked! Make time for yourself after the baby is born just so you can be alone with your DH - this is very important. Have a night out and relax....

Pregnancy, even though magical, does strange things to our bodies and mind!

Julia xxxxx

 

[charlotte_]

i'm off sex too. i think OH & i have done it three times since i got pregnant!
at first i was going to terminate the pregnancy, so that put a downer on things sexual for a while, but when i changed my mind things just didn't get better! we had sex a couple of weeks ago, and it was alright, but i just don't seem to get turned on properly. plus, OH was dragging it out for ages (thinking he might not get it again for a while, i guess!) i felt like miranda in SATC the movie when she says 'can we just get it over with?!'

 

[nori]

You are totally normal hun.. I cant be bothered and its the last thing on my mind. I think we have had it about 4 times since i got pregnant (OH would disagree that a couple of these times didnt count.. in my opinion they did! lol)

I do feel bad for my OH but im just soooo tired all the time and soooo uncomfortable!

Claire x

 

[Fly]

Awww its totally normal hun

It's bloody uncomfortable at this stage - just feel like we goin through the motions for the sake of it and as amusing as the last time we did it was, the next day i was paying for it! We have lots of cuddles instead

 

[hennaly]

i have been waking up with my night shirt round my boobs so think hubby has been helping himself in the night (cant say i blame him )

 

[crackers24]

I've been at mums for the past 2 weeks and have just come home yesterday. Last night DH tried but i didnt let him and he got very upset. This morning i kinda apologised but i dont know, i still feel really bad about it.

We've had sex a few times during pregnancy i would say its been cut by half, but now i just dont want it at all.

I feel alone and that upsets me I dont know what to do.

 

[ninjawomble]

Gawd Ive gone from nearly everyday to hardly ever at all..poor OH

He says Im still sexy but I feel like grot

Plus it hurts a bit down there when we do it

 

[kmac]

Don't upset yourself - I think it's perfectly normal for lots of women when pregnant
I have had very little inclination in that department too, I'm always too tired and I feel very unsexy.
When we do try it it hurts a bit and I have to call a halt.
Just have lots of nice cuddles instead and there are other things you can do to keep your OH happy, and vice versa

 

[nori]

Oh god, dont feel bad! Hes lucky hes getting it atall! Mine isnt!

I would just tell him that its too uncomfortable and you will have to just do other things maybe? (not that my OH is having any of that either!) Actually.. maybe i should feel worse than i do! lol

Claire x

 

[Julie84]

We've had sex about twice since BFP - I do feel sorry for Neil, especially as he hasn't moaned at all.

It just doesn't feel right (in a physical way) - for some absurd reason everything feels like it has got tighter and smaller down there (even Neil said he could feel the difference - far too much information, sorry! ) but in an uncomfortable way.

I am consciously trying to have a bit of 'special time' regularly (not sex) but my libido has dropped through the floor so it almost feels like a chore but I feel so sorry for Neil.

 

[ninjawomble]

for some absurd reason everything feels like it has got tighter and smaller down there (even Neil said he could feel the difference - far too much information, sorry! ) but in an uncomfortable way.

OMG ditto!! , OH commented on this last night..then I thought shit how am I gonna get a human outta there!!

 

[Julie84]

OMG ditto!! , OH commented on this last night..then I thought sh*t how am I gonna get a human outta there!!

Precisely my thoughts!!

 

[crackers24]

Thanks for your responses girls. I think i'll take some of the advice. Also, i think it's vital that we talk about the whole issue cos things dont feel right at the moment, i sense some tension and as they say communication is the key. Right?

Thanks again for your replies. Love you guys x

 

[Bexie]

Crackers just reading your post is exactly the way I have been feeling, my sex drive it down to zero and I really feel for my OH as he still obviously still has his urges but he's just not getting much back from me. The other night he was caressing me, which was lovely and I was enjoying this, but at the same time the baby was kicking loads and wriggling around so all thoughts of sex just didn't feel right with this little person inside of me.

Before we had our DD I would say we had an average sex life (maybe 2 - 3 time a week) after she was born this dropped massively to about once every 6 weeks (it amazes me that I even got pregnant again!!!!) I'm guessing that this is just the way things will be from now on, but I do feel guilty as my OH still has a much stronger sex drive than me.

 

[Baby&i]

EXACTLY how i feel too i know what you mean hun i feel sorry for my hubby i just dont feel sexy right now! it does hurt a little too and it also seems to be getting smaller by the day! what worries me is last time we had sex i got STRONG braxton hicks for three days and im scared to go again untill term haha! before TTC we had sex about 4 times a week, then TTC it was three times a day on my fertile days and once a day throughout the month. now it just does not exist and my poor OHs hair is falling out! bless him xx

 

[emmie]

I feel exactly the same hun, my sex drive wasnt that high in the first place but i dont want it at all now, my husband constantly wants it though which makes me feel bad. I think i am going to get him to read this thread as he is under the impression all woman get horny when there pregnant and i am odd as i am not

 

[crackers24]

It's so comforting to know that other people are feeling the same.

Unfortunately, DH and I arent getting on too well. No official hard feelings but there's a lot of tension in the air. No hugs, no kisses, no anything since the incident on saturday night. And during the day we're talking but like i said theres a bit of tension and both of know that something is up. I think he's taken offence big time

Don't know what to do. Tried talking to him about it but that didnt work very well.

 

[Fly]

am sorry to hear your OH is behaving like this hun - as its your first baby i expect its all starting to feel very real to him now.. tis my OH's first baby too although my second and it really struck home for him the other day that we are having a baby and of course you are feeling all the same things as him and need him in different ways of loving - maybe try and write him a little letter and explain how much you desire him but in totally different ways at the moment.. like you desire his strong arms and long secure cuddles...try n boost his ego a bit but certainly don't feel obliged to put out if you don't feel like it love x x x

 

[xmcnickyx]

I feel pretty much the same as everyone else too. It's not comfortable any more and everything feels tighter and not in a good way!

My husband totally understands though and I think he'd rather me be interested and into it than just lie there (or kneel as I have to these days!) and let him get on with it. Sucks because I want to have sex with him but it's just not as fun as it should be.

We've talked about it a bit but mostly we just seem to have an unspoken understanding that it's too difficult these days.