.. sex?

[BeccyJ]

No point in beating around the bush, it’s how we all got here lol sex!

My issue being, I’m 12wks5days & we’ve not had sex since I found out I was pregnant & my OH had made it clear there’s no sex till babies here! That’s April!

Has anyone else been through this?
He said it’s “weird” .. I get it, I’ve got a baby inside but still?

Sorry if it’s TMI but I hope I’m not alone!

 

[firstfreakout]

I think this is one of the most common reactions a man has to their partner being pregnant. Usually it's because they're afraid of 'poking' the baby or hurting the woman.

I think if you showed him some scientific research that sex isn't harmful during pregnancy (unless you're told otherwise of course), and there's NO WAY his penis will touch the baby, then he might relax a bit about the thought of it.

I found that sex during the first trimester stayed the same for us last time, and during the second trimester my libido was INSANE. I needed it all the time. The third trimester is when it gets tricky, as you need to find positions that are comfortable but practical lol

This pregnancy we've maybe had sex twice since we conceived and I'm now 9+4. I just don't really have any interest at the moment, though OH feels otherwise!

If your partner is absolutely adamant about no penetration until the baby is born, perhaps you can use this time to explore foreplay more? That way you're still intimate and appreciating each other, but his worries aren't being ignored.

Or you could tell him that once the baby is born your sex life will be awful for a while and he might as well get as much as he can now, and that might change his mind

 

[BeccyJ]

I think this is one of the most common reactions a man has to their partner being pregnant. Usually it's because they're afraid of 'poking' the baby or hurting the woman.

I think if you showed him some scientific research that sex isn't harmful during pregnancy (unless you're told otherwise of course), and there's NO WAY his penis will touch the baby, then he might relax a bit about the thought of it.

I found that sex during the first trimester stayed the same for us last time, and during the second trimester my libido was INSANE. I needed it all the time. The third trimester is when it gets tricky, as you need to find positions that are comfortable but practical lol

This pregnancy we've maybe had sex twice since we conceived and I'm now 9+4. I just don't really have any interest at the moment, though OH feels otherwise!

If your partner is absolutely adamant about no penetration until the baby is born, perhaps you can use this time to explore foreplay more? That way you're still intimate and appreciating each other, but his worries aren't being ignored.

Or you could tell him that once the baby is born your sex life will be awful for a while and he might as well get as much as he can now, and that might change his mind

Thank you! I think I’ll do research & try persuade him!
It’s our anniversary today so I’d like to at least do something 🙈 lol!

During the first TRI I didn’t want it, it’s not as tho I really want it, it’s modtky preparing him for when I do lol!

 

[IVW]

tbh mine is the other way round, he wants it and I don't and I feel really guilty about it, as I know its obviously more than safe to have sex, I just don't want to disturb our little jelly bean

 

[firstfreakout]

Happy anniversary!

I think reassuring him that he's not going to hurt or disturb anything might help, and if he still insists go with the foreplay thing. Chances are he'll then build up some courage to go 'all the way'

Once you guys have done it once and gotten the anxiety about it out the way, it'll be easier from then!

 

[BeccyJ]

Happy anniversary!

I think reassuring him that he's not going to hurt or disturb anything might help, and if he still insists go with the foreplay thing. Chances are he'll then build up some courage to go 'all the way'

Once you guys have done it once and gotten the anxiety about it out the way, it'll be easier from then!

That’s it, I think the first time will be awkward but then after he will want it more..
I just don’t want him to think jobs done now I’m pregnant 😂 lol

 

[Donna88]

I have the opposite (kind of) I've been told by the midwife at the hospital that we're not aloud to have sex as my placenta is close to my cervix, however I've since done some research and found out that they don't normally tell you to not have sex until you've had another scan later in pregnancy which then confirms your placenta is too close.

So I'm not sure whether to ask my midwife about it and see what her opinion is.

 

[firstfreakout]

Donna I would ask the midwife again, but tbh listen to her as she will not only being going off of medical fact but also experience. Again, there's so much that can be done in the bedroom besides penetration ...

BeccyJ, just remind him that once the baby is born everything changes in the relationship so this is the opportunity to spend time together and fool around whenever the mood strikes. Since I had DS a year ago our sex life has gone from almost every night to maybe 3 or 4 times a month. This is mostly because by the time the dude's in bed we're either both tired or OH is working til midnight or on night shifts, and we can't really have spontaneous sex during the day anymore Also the less I have sex the less I want it, so it's mostly me not being in the mood anymore. Poor OH!

If your partner thinks sex will be back to normal once there isn't a baby in your tummy to worry about he's not thinking logically lol Remind him of that and he'll probably decide that getting the bonking in now > his worries about poking the baby

 

[Donna88]

Oh yes we will listen, we wouldn't do anything that could cause problems. We talked about it as we haven't had sex for a while and I was hoping we'd manage to make some time for each other and then we had that news at the scan haha and we both agreed that it was the best reason to not and that we would never do anything that could cause our baby any problems. In the grand scheme of things even if we have to wait until after baby is born, I'm healed and we by some magic chance get some time to ourselves it is worth it.

 

[WolfMamma]

I have the opposite (kind of) I've been told by the midwife at the hospital that we're not aloud to have sex as my placenta is close to my cervix, however I've since done some research and found out that they don't normally tell you to not have sex until you've had another scan later in pregnancy which then confirms your placenta is too close.

So I'm not sure whether to ask my midwife about it and see what her opinion is.

Donna, as I mentioned on your other post I am in exactly the same position as you, only a few weeks on!

My midwife didn't mention anything about a sex ban for us. This hasn't been too much of a problem as I have had various nausea related problems all the way through pregnancy and have not been up to as much PIV as normal (most nights pre-pregnancy....), however we have been at it at least once a week until recently when I just got to the stage of being too big to manage it (I top all the time due to hubbys arthritis). I do still indulge sometimes when I get desperate!!

I have kept him happy though by perfecting..... lets say some of my more manual skills in that area!! I am very much a giver and whilst it has taken him years to get used to the fact that I enjoy it just as much as PIV, I think he still wonders why I pester him so much!! Bless his heart he never bugs me as he knows that I am shattered and poorly but I can't resist if I realise he is in the mood!!

 

[Donna88]

^^Yeah they mentioned bleeding with me as well, but as I'm RH-neg - I'd have to go into the hospital if I had any bleeding anyway. Have they mentioned going into hospital with bleeding to you? I'm wondering if the midwife was confused with the advice they give to people later on in pregnancy with this confirmed. Not that it matters so much, again we can deal.

I'm lucky that I haven't really had any problems in this pregnancy (other than this haha) but I feel great in myself.

My problem with other things is husband struggles to finish with much else that penetration so I could be there forever haha

 

[WolfMamma]

She didn't mention bleeding either but I did a bit of reading on my own time and found out that is the general advice when it comes to us awkward types!!

I think my hubby can't believe his luck some times! My sex drive outstrips his normally so he doesn't mind the reduction due to pregnancy. I know however that he's older than me so one day it may tail off a fair bit. Doesn't really matter to me when I think about it, I can take it or leave it as long as we still have the affection there.

When he mentioned the possibility of poking the baby, I just told him not to flatter himself and that there was no chance in hell of that happening XD

 

[alwayscoffee]

I have the opposite (kind of) I've been told by the midwife at the hospital that we're not aloud to have sex as my placenta is close to my cervix, however I've since done some research and found out that they don't normally tell you to not have sex until you've had another scan later in pregnancy which then confirms your placenta is too close.

So I'm not sure whether to ask my midwife about it and see what her opinion is.

It is very true that you should avoid sex in your situation, Donna. I wouldn't even try it unless the doctor says it's okay. Hopefully, when you get another scan it will have moved and you can enjoy each other again.

I think sex is great in pregnancy if everything is normal and low-risk in your pregnancy. My hubby is more turned on for some reason (he likes my little belly), but we are very careful in the sense that we don't go too rough and if it hurts, then we stop. But it doesn't hurt at all. hehe. We do it maybe 2-3 times a week. We do safe positions and not as rough.

Show him some good hard facts that sex is great during pregnancy and doesn't hurt the baby at all. Baby is super protected and won't feel a thing!!

 

[Gemsy]

I would go with the fact that he won't be getting any for a looooong time after you've had the baby, so he had better enjoy it now! lol

 

[Sparky Mum]

For us nothing has really changed other than the positions we can do lol.
It's understandable to be freaked out or worried by it, but there are so many membranes between baby and anywhere a guy can reach it's perfectly fine.

I would be mardy as f'k if he didn't want to! My sex drive soars during pregnancy haha!

 

[BeccyJ]

Update /

Still no action lol!

 

[Sparky Mum]

Time to find a phonebook to tear in half!

 

[BeccyJ]

Time to find a phonebook to tear in half!

To hit him with u mean 😂

 

[Sparky Mum]

Haha that too!

 

[MissKW]

My husband was the same. To start with we carried on as normal but once I got bigger he very rarely wanted intimacy, he knew he couldn't do any harm but he thought it was wierd knowing our son was so close to him etc. I took it a bit personally at the time as I had gained weight and looked like a house, he was very close and supportive but hormones meant I had unreasonable feelings about it all. Now that my son is here and I'm back to normal I can competely see his point. To be honest I think I would find it a bit strange if I were in his shoes too lol.
As soon as DS arrived he was all over me again and the tables turned as I then started declining him not feeling ready and still being a little sore after the birth. I think I was 11 weeks postpartum when our sex life was finally able to start returning to normal (we did try from 8 weeks but it was still too painful for me).
Try not to take it personally like I did, as hard as that can be whilst pregnant lol. Just make sure he knows how you feel.