Seperated and Due in Oct 2014

[KellyES]

Ok, so as the title says, me and my hubby seperated in July and I'm due in October. Things hadn't been good for a whole previously and we often spoke about splitting up. We did after a very heated argument which had turned a bit physical like pushing and shoving. The police did get called and he was asked to leave the premises for 24 hours to give me time to gather my and my daughters stuff and move out. And so here we are.

In the first 2 weeks I've had emotional and verbal abuse from him and his father. Which did eventually calm down.

In the over 8 weeks we've been seperated he's asked about his unborn son twice, and my daughter once.

Communication has been him saying he still loves me and wants to work it out, however he took what we had and tore it apart, it was devastating and for me the relationship is definitely over.

He emailed me a few days ago asking for the second about his son and I replied and sent him a recent scan pic but didn't disclose the GD to him. He then said he needed to know if he was going to be at the birth. Now I have thought about this a lot and I know that having him their will cause tension, arguments and stress that I really don't need. So I did explain this to him and said him being there wouldn't work but that I would of course let him know when our son is born. Again he flew off the handle and I got bombarded with disgusting emails full of verbal abuse. Obviously I have ignored them but I get really frustrated that he says he still 'loves' me but then precedes to be nasty when we doesn't get what he wants.

I guess I'm just wanting to vent it all off so to say. This is ridiculous! We're in our 30's for crying out loud. I wish he could handle things a little more maturally at times. I don't think I'm in the wrong, I've never said he can't see our son, I just simply said him being at the birth wouldn't work, but I would let him know when he was born...

 

[Pumpkin9]

Hey Hun, a vent can be an amazing release!

Where to start, he clearly shouldn't be behaving like that to you and you've been very honest with him, birthing is not easy so I think that you are right in wanting a calm environment for you and baby.

He clearly cares about being there as that's why he's gone off on one (this doesn't excuse it).

I'm abit of a hothead myself and it's taken along time for me to control it. I get very angry and frustrated and say horrible things because I don't know how to control the emotion I have. It's taken me sometime to fight this and stop myself, my main drive was that I now have a son and I don't want him to see me that way. Basically what I'm trying to say is we all react differently and for each of us we have a default reaction which can be difficult to avoid, be it giving people the silent treatment or being foul mouthed.

Obviously I don't condone his behaviours and so I suppose the best thing you can do is reiterate that based on his current reactions you would find it difficult and stressful with him being at the birth and you want what's best for the baby (which is you in a calm environment).

Maybe say to him if he can sort himself out you'd reconsider, but only if you're comfortable with this.

Stay strong Hun, you're doing what's best for your family