scared

[christmasbabygirl]

I don't wanna admit this but i am terrified of the labour/birth.
I went to my antenatal class and its just made me worse, i feel really depressed which is why i haven't been on much lately.
I really am not very good with pain at all, i never used to cope well at all with my heavy painful period, and used to stay off work when i came on! i have no pain threshold and tbh i'm a complete wimp and its so easy to make me whinge or cry pysically. so i am thinking how the FK am i going to cope with back breaking squeezing contractions for hours, maybe days, THEN pushing out a big fat head and body for an hour+, THEN what if i tear? i cannot cope with stiches, being scared 2 poo or tears ect.. i know im being a wimp and a drama queen b ut thats the way i am! people say just try to RELAX and it will be ok, but i tense up when im in pain and dont see how u can relax when ur having contractions and have 4 midwifes looking up ur chuff i know there is pain releif available but i really dont want an epidural as i dont want the massive headache which midwives hqave told me is very common, and gas and air wont be strong enuff so lets hope the pethadine works!! i really hope i stop worrying soon as its getting me down i dont wanna go out or talk 2 any1 and cant sleep.

Also i think if i have a traumatic birth i will suffer from PND, im prone to depression anyway and i think i will just look at the baby and thiunk look what u have just put me through and not want to be around her. i know it sounds awful but its just how i really think i will feel sorry to be a whinger ladies but its been going on for weeks and i feel better already to write it all down. maybebaby needs to be giving me some labour advice i wud do ANYTHING for a labour like hers lol. x

 

[lisaspoon]

awww hun... didnt want to read and run

I think your best bet is to discuss everything you have said above with your midwife... they are there to help and especially if you have concerns about birth/labour etc..

Is there anyone else you can speak to about labour/birth...sister etc??

 

[EllieBelle]

Oh hun

I havent been through it myself as yet, but it cant be that bad.........otherwise women would never have more children!

I know you say you are scared of having an epidural, but if you are scared of pain more, then I would think it would make sense to potentially go down this route, all that said you might actually surprise yourself and cope a lot better than you think you will - my midwife told me that some ladies get a headache for a few hours, but generally not (I asked as I have had to have a lumber puncture in the past which is 10 times worse than an epidural as they take fluid off the spinal cord, rather than just numbing the area and yes then you do get a headache for several days).

I too was terrified, but have done a lot of research, and spent a lot of time thinking about it which has allowed me to park it to one side and think about other things - except now my MW is talking c-sections due to my babies current position, so I have no idea what sort of birth I am actually having as yet!

Have you been on a hospital tour etc? I was so positive about the birth after visiting my hospital and actually seeing the options available!

Im absolutely sure its going to hurt, but just focus on the end result - a wonderful bundle of joy thats going to change your life forever Im sure its worth all the pain!!

 

[christmasbabygirl]

thanks ladies
yeah iv been on the tour its lovely a little birth center really nice place but it didnt help lol!
thats what causes the headache, when the ansthetist goes too far with the needle and like pops the fluid thing (technical lol) and thats what causes the huge headache so i expect its the same thing you experienced.
i know im gonna have a baby at the end of this and my body is designed to do this, but my pain thresh hold is so low! i think im gonna start off with the gas n air, then pethidine, then if i really cant cope then opt for the epidural. io just really dont want my birth experience to ruin my bond with this baby. ladies say oh its worth the pain but im sure there not wimps like me lol i suppose on the up side, if im worried then like u said it might not be as bad as i think. i just think women who go through this must be absaloute heros lol as it is so much pain for a body to take!! x

 

[nori]

Hiya hun,

I found my first antenatel class really reassuring but the second one was all about how much its gonna hurt etc etc.. not what you wanna hear.

I maybe a wierdo but i really didnt find 20 hours of labour that bad as i just concentrated hard and breathed through all the contractions (i didnt speak to anyone atall) Its so important to relax though and go with the contraction. I was induced aswell so had strong contractions very quickly. I would definately recommend the pethedine. Having read comments on here i really didnt want it but for me it was bloody great! Just felt relaxed and a tad drunk! I didnt have an epidural but did end up having a c-section. The pain after that was bad BUT after 3 days it does ease off.

Just think to yourself that it may hurt but it will be worth it!

Claire x

 

[ninjawomble]

Hun I didnt say anything at the time but I was terrified. Seriously seriously terrified.
I had a pretty long (three days) and traumatic birth, but honestly I was fine!!
I was always scared to have an epidural, and stated in my birth plan I didnt want one, but had one in the end...best thing ever!! I didnt feel needle go in, and was laughing and joking with OH while sailing through the later contractions lol.
Im not good with pain, and also have had days off with period pain, so if I can do it, you can!

And god honest truth, its not even two weeks later and Ive forgotton what the pain was like!

The contractions hurt its true, but your body finds a way of coping with it, and youre mind just sets into this place where all you think of is the end product. You will be fine hun, trust me. And if you are like me pain threshold wise, go in with an open mind for all the drugs you can get! You never know you might not even need them!

 

[Laura_James&Amber]

Your gonna be fine hun Your body will find a way to cope with the pain and yes its excruciating BUT its not a constant pain, it comes in waves and you actually get used to the contractions! As for the epidural, I didn't have one but had a full spinal block due to being rushed through for an emergency c section and like you I was terrified of having a needle in my back! But it doesn't hurt, and its done in seconds. Also I never suffered with the headaches, I think only a percentage of people do but the M/W's and doctors have to tell you about the side affects to cover their own backs really.
Talk to your M/W about how your feeling, she will be able to help and when you go into hospital tell them your anxious. Don't feel afraid to talk about how your feeling, its natural, having a baby is a huge event!

 

[christmasbabygirl]

thanks ladies! nice to know that im not the only woosy lol! NJW i wud have never have guessed u seemed like a tough bitchin tri 3 lol
i feel put at ease alot more now, the midwife was pretty scary and told us pretty much the pain is like death lol i was shaking when i left antenatal appt! i suppose they have 2 prepare u lol... im gonna try and stay at home as long as pos really i wanna walk through the door and them to say ur 10cm and ready to push lol! not gonna happen is it.. u never know. i have put on my birth plan that i am very likely to ask for lots of pain releif and if they deny me this i will kill them lol. thanks again for lifting my mood x

 

[Morganuk]

Hun this is totally understandable
I'm crap with pain to and even though its painful you do get through it
Have you thought of hypnotherapy? if its such a worry it may well help you??
I'm not sure if people have done it for labor but maybe its worth looking into?

Speak about your concerns with your mw and get a birth plan in place if you haven't already

 

[lea m]

Hun you will be so suprised with yourself with how well you do manage hun! And seriously afterwards you will laugh at yourself for being so scared! I bet your back on after the birth and have been one of them ladies who didnt need anything!

But also, if you cant deal with it, then I would have an epi! I had the epidural put in but not the drugs and didnt get a headache though i though I would as I moved a lot during the needle being inserted! (she kept hitting the bone and after ages of her messing about my body began to push baby out lol and couldnt stop it)

Im seriously soft! lol Well I thought I was then I managed to have Lola-Mae with just G&A!! Like I said you will be so suprised with what you can do hun! (though i dont recommend just having G&A hahaha But then I would rather that then pethadine!! )

 

[Rosebay]

I don't wanna admit this but i am terrified of the labour/birth.
I went to my antenatal class and its just made me worse, i feel really depressed which is why i haven't been on much lately.
I really am not very good with pain at all, i never used to cope well at all with my heavy painful period, and used to stay off work when i came on! i have no pain threshold and tbh i'm a complete wimp and its so easy to make me whinge or cry pysically. so i am thinking how the FK am i going to cope with back breaking squeezing contractions for hours, maybe days, THEN pushing out a big fat head and body for an hour+, THEN what if i tear? i cannot cope with stiches, being scared 2 poo or tears ect.. i know im being a wimp and a drama queen b ut thats the way i am! people say just try to RELAX and it will be ok, but i tense up when im in pain and dont see how u can relax when ur having contractions and have 4 midwifes looking up ur chuff i know there is pain releif available but i really dont want an epidural as i dont want the massive headache which midwives hqave told me is very common, and gas and air wont be strong enuff so lets hope the pethadine works!! i really hope i stop worrying soon as its getting me down i dont wanna go out or talk 2 any1 and cant sleep.

Also i think if i have a traumatic birth i will suffer from PND, im prone to depression anyway and i think i will just look at the baby and thiunk look what u have just put me through and not want to be around her. i know it sounds awful but its just how i really think i will feel sorry to be a whinger ladies but its been going on for weeks and i feel better already to write it all down. maybebaby needs to be giving me some labour advice i wud do ANYTHING for a labour like hers lol. x[/quote


Hun, I know how you feel. I was so so scared before I had Elliott. My ante-natal classes made me feel worse too. It was all worst case scenario and scare tactics about not just asking for an epidural right away. I think they were really unhelpful to be honest. The only good thing we had was a physio who told us to try and keep active during early labour and trust your body, I spent about the first 10 hrs of mine on my feet holding on to a chair back rocking my hips and it felt so so good and it was thanks to the confidence she gave me that I did that.

I had nightmares beforehand, I frankly was so scared I couldn't even begin to imagine it. As my time got close though I was so huge and uncomfortable and fed up with being pg that to an extent I lost my fear. I also did watch some real births on TV in the last week or two before my due date and actually somehow that wasn't as frightening as the ante-natal classes and it made me cry with happiness to see the babies born. Not sure I'd advise this in case you don't feel like it but it may help.

I got a TENS machine which I really liked actually and I loved having a button to push because it made me feel in control. I also wanted everyone to shut up when I had a contraction so they had to watch for my finger!! Actually, you mention bad period pains and I'd always thought that I was a wuss because I had to have two days off work and would roll around in agony with hot water bottles etc but the funny thing is that when it came to it I was a long long way in (say 10-11 hrs of contractions) before the pain got worse than my period pain. Also it comes and goes which is so much easier to deal with than the constant hurt of period pains. I told the midwife that afterwards and she said she'd heard it many times with women who had a history of painful periods. The good news is that after labour they are much much less painful too- hooray! Also- and this is something I never knew before but it's strange but in a way your body kind of takes over in labour, it's like you become kind of an animal whose body knows what to do and the worrying bit of your mind or the thinking bit just goes somewhere else while you get on with the business. Sounds strange but it does. I wrote timings down to begin with but actually a lot of my labour seemed to drift by because my brain was not in control, my body was and letting it do its thing was good. All the things I worried about like letting someone see my bits (I am ashamed to say that before labour NO one other than my OH had seen my bits, I'd never even had a smear test despite being 30) went out the window because my fussing worrying brain was not there to care two hoots. The same goes for pooing on the floor and weeing frankly- two things I'd been dreading.

I'd written give me all the drugs and epidurals you have all over my plan but you know what? Gas and air was absolutely fabulous! They had to wrench it out of my hands even after he was born! It was like being nicely drunk and not giving a damn about hurting yourself when you fall over if you know what I mean? Fabulous! They gave me oxygen as well towards the end as I was so off the planet that I was forgetting to push! I know I was lucky and had a fairly straight forward birth but it was long- about 16 hrs, and his heart rate kept dipping so I was touch and go for emergency help at the end but still it was not what I had feared. I tore but not badly enough to need stitches and I'm a small lady who for years couldn't use more than the smallest tampon because it hurt to put it in if you know what I mean and Elliott was 7lb 12 so no little baby so frankly you can't tell what will happen- it needn't be as bad as you fear.

It's totally ok to be scared hun but honestly I think when it's your time you will feel differently

+++

 

[christmasbabygirl]

aww thank you SO much ladies, its so great to hear all these posative things when everybody else is telling you how awful and traumatic there birth was! not nice things to say to a heavily pregnant lady!

Thanks for all the replies you have made me relax so much i think i will sleep well tonight for the first time in the whole of tri3!im just gonna go with it and let me body take over. Im actually starting to look forward to it now

 

[satch]

the replies are all really helpful.

I had an internal on Tuesday and it couldn't be completed because I found it so uncomfortable and I'm booked for an induction on sunday and I'm really scared about it all.

i think there are many of us in the same boat, feeling anxious and not knowing what to expect.

 

[daftscotslass]

I just want to offer you loads of these

I had a spinal headache after a failed attempt at an epidural and can tell you that your midwife is talking bollocks when she said it's common. It isn't. I had students queueing up to speak to me about it because only 2% of epidurals result in it. And even if it does happen there is a procedure they can do to reverse it that has almost immediate effects (it did for me and because I was a bit of a rarity the student audience wanted to watch that too).

The bottom line is I ended up doing it on just gas and air and it's 100% doable. Because if I can do it ANYONE can