Scared Newbie from North Wales

[nikkie88]

Hi, im nikkie, 23, from north wales. Just found out over a week ago im pregnant. Going to be a single mum, so decided to join a forum to meet people going through the same thing as me, and hopefully ease my mind a little and find a few friends!!!
Please dont be shy and say hello to me!!!!!

 

[nik106]

Hi Nikkie, welcome to the site! I only joined a few days ago so i'm a newbie too, but everyone has been really friendly so far

 

[nikkie88]

Awh, that's good. Lovely picture.....

 

[nik106]

Thanks! That was our 3rd attempt at a 4D scan, my little miss refused to play ball and have her picture taken! Its pretty much the only decent picture they managed to get

 

[nikkie88]

Little cheeky one then!! hhaa... how do i post my signature like your up. i've copied the link , but can't find the button on here to upload it?.. I feel such a thicko, i'm new to everything at the moment!!!!

 

[nikkie88]

never mind, i read the forum help thread thingybob. and it says i have to make 5 posts!..... Aren't you scared.. is this your first baby?

 

[nik106]

Have you found the section where to put the code for your sig? If not, go to Quick Links at the top of the page and select Edit Signature.

I'm not really scared to be honest, i have moments where i worry about whether i'll know if she's warm enough to too hot, but for the most part i don't have any worries. She is my first though. I'm lucky that i have a really supportive, for the most part, fiance whose more excited than i am! Plus, a few years ago, a good friend of mine found herself with severe postnatal depression, a boyfriend who suddenly packed his bags and moved out and a two week old baby, so i moved in with her for a few weeks. The baby picked up on a lot of her mum's distress and was quite a cryey baby, so i used to do all the night feeds and changes for her. It was quite an eye opener but its really helped having a little hands on experience. As for the labour, i've kinda mananged to convince myself it'll be all over really quickly and that it can't possibly hurt that much, so i can do it drug free. Prob way to over optimistic, but it at least i'm not scared of it.

In the beginning, i had a lot of pain and i had to have an out of hours appointment to check i didn't have an ectopic pregnancy. I was really scared then, but by that point, in just the two days we'd known i was pregnant i desperately wanted her and was heartbroken at the mere thought that i might lose her.

 

[nikkie88]

Wow, you're such a great person for helping your friend. it must of taken a lot of energy and deffinatley a big eye opener to ge that hands on experience!!... Hopefully she's better now. As for you not being scared, it' a good thing, and you sound so in control, and focused. it's really nice to hear someone being so calm about it, (although i don't know about the no medication part!- might be hard that one!!) haha.. It is a scary thought once you've already lost your hear and love to something to think it might be gone... I really hope i do my best to take care and help my little seedling grow into a big fat baby!! Lol...
I have started feeling sick, but don't crave anything, which is annoying because i feel hungry but can't face the idea of anything, & i know i should eat something, but my stomach turns thinking about it!

 

[Siany1982]

Hi Nikkie88
Welcome to the forum, Im quite new to the site too...
Dont be scared hun, I was ur age when I had my first and ended up being a single mum, and my little girl is amazing, Im so proud of myself for bringing up such a wonderful little girl, she really is a credit to me... I love being a mum and wouldnt change it for the world... And too be honest if Id have stayed with her daddy, she wouldnt be half the child she is now, cause I would have been so unhappy...
Do u have a good support network around u? Family and friends etc??? I only had some family, no real friends... But u manage....
Siany1982

 

[nikkie88]

Thanks Siany!
I have an amazing family, and a great group of friends!.. nobody knows yet, which is why i joined this forum, i wanted to leave it as long as possible to tell people, given the circumstance, plus. my sister has PCOS, and is going through the motions leading to IVF, the last thing she needs to hear is her little sister gettin up the duff by a guy who isn't even sticking around!! (eek!).. But yeah. i feel like it's now or never, and when i found out i surprised myself by how much joy i felt, so although i never expected to be a mother EVER (i'm far too selfish!).. i can't think of anything better than loving a baby that i know i can take full responsibility for... A Bit like you.. you sound so proud!! GO YOU!!!

 

[Siany1982]

Have u not even told ur mum, I couldnt resist, Id need to tell my mum lol... Is the arse, lol sorry father not around because of u being pregnant?? Does he know??? Dont feel u have to answer that, just wanted to get an idea of what ur going through...
And yeah I am so proud, sounded big headed but she is just such a fab child, never have any problems with her, and thats the honest truth....
Siany1982

 

[nik106]

Wow, you're such a great person for helping your friend. it must of taken a lot of energy and deffinatley a big eye opener to ge that hands on experience!!... Hopefully she's better now. As for you not being scared, it' a good thing, and you sound so in control, and focused. it's really nice to hear someone being so calm about it, (although i don't know about the no medication part!- might be hard that one!!) haha.. It is a scary thought once you've already lost your hear and love to something to think it might be gone... I really hope i do my best to take care and help my little seedling grow into a big fat baby!! Lol...
I have started feeling sick, but don't crave anything, which is annoying because i feel hungry but can't face the idea of anything, & i know i should eat something, but my stomach turns thinking about it!

I don't think i'm so much in control, i think its just a matter of really wanting it. I was incorrectly told that i wouldn't be able to have children or if i did, i would probably need lots of fertility treatment, so whilst this was a surprise baby, it was just the most amazing thing to me! Of course, i might get scared when i actually go into labour, you never know! I've done a lot of reading, i like to research everything, and the one thing that seemed a common theme is that getting stressed and anxious during labour can slow things down, and i def don't want that!! I'm funny about painkillers anyway, so if i can do it without, i'm all for it, i've had fillings at the dentist without the painkillers cos i'm terrified of needles but not the pain.

My friend is in a much much better place and she had a gorgeous well adjusted 2 1/2 year old who really is a lovely little girl, and def better off without her dad! At the time she was threatening to give her up for adoption, and i knew she'd regret it later when her meds had time to work and would ultimately end up in a worse place if she'd gone through with it, moving in to help out may not have been what a lot of people would have done but it seemed like the right thing to do.

Try not to worry, i saw all those BBC programmes on mum's feeding their unborn babies junk food so when i went to my antenatal classes, i bought water and fruit and all things healthy for my lunch so i wouldn't look bad for eating rubbish all the time, and when it got to lunch, everyone else had crisps, chocolate and cola and no-one batted an eyelid.

You will do a great job, the simple fact that you've joined an online site for advice, chat and support shows that you're already on the path to being a fantastic mum.

 

[nikkie88]

I haven't managed to find the words to tell my mum yet, It's having to explain who the dad was, and dealing with the questions, i just don't really want to go through that yet, need to get my head around everything first! (if thats possible).. The father, is a friend at work!. lol, and deffinatley stated he DOES NOT want anymore KIDS!...... Using the pill, i thought he'd never have to face another one either, but something went wrong somewhere, (or right, depending how u look at it! =s)... and bob's ur uncle. Im sure my mum would love to find out and would coem around to being a grandmother. lol, i just want to go do the Drs first and make sure everythings goin to be ok etc... gettin some proffesional advice off them of how to breaks the news. . . . . You don't sound big headed.. if there's one thing your allowed to brag about, its raising a fab child!!! ...


- Thanks Nik106, for your lovely words, im trying not too get too a head of myself, but it's like i already want to meet the friggin thing!!!.. And your friends situation does not sound ideal or at all nice, but i know it deffinatley would of helped having someone like you to stick by them! & she has a lot to thank you for as she's now got a lovely child, and a great unbreakable bond!! xx

 

[nik106]

Thanks Siany!
I have an amazing family, and a great group of friends!.. nobody knows yet, which is why i joined this forum, i wanted to leave it as long as possible to tell people, given the circumstance, plus. my sister has PCOS, and is going through the motions leading to IVF, the last thing she needs to hear is her little sister gettin up the duff by a guy who isn't even sticking around!! (eek!).. But yeah. i feel like it's now or never, and when i found out i surprised myself by how much joy i felt, so although i never expected to be a mother EVER (i'm far too selfish!).. i can't think of anything better than loving a baby that i know i can take full responsibility for... A Bit like you.. you sound so proud!! GO YOU!!!

You might be surprised at your sister's response! My younger sister took several years to conceive my niece and then another 18 months to conceive again, which resulted in a miscarriage. They ran loads of tests on her, and literally two weeks before i found out i was pregnant, they told her she wasn't ovulating at all. I was terrified of hurting her by telling her that i was. As it happens, her drs were wrong, and the reason she hadn't ovulated was because she was already pregnant, but with what's been a really unsettled pregnancy with lots of bleeding and hospitalisation, and all the way through, i've been worried that something will happen and she'll have a reminder forever of what could have been in my daughter, and whenever i've voiced fears, she's told me not to be silly, because it'll be what it is, and that no matter how things went for her, she'll always be really pleased for us, even if sometimes it hurts

 

[nikkie88]

that doesn't sound like the kind of thing my sister would say or think. i know she'd resent me... she's not the kind of person to see a positive side in anything... i wish sometimes it was her that was and i could pass it on to her.. (as weird as that sounds)... but i can't help being a bit selfish and wanting people to dance around in joy for the fact that IM having a baby and it shouldn't be shadowed by the fact that she CAN'T have any AT THE MOMENT!....

 

[nik106]

Your sister sounds like she might be more like me than my sister then, i took it really badly when my sister got pregnant the first time, and i wasn't even seeing anyone (i have PCOS too), so much so that she worried about telling me when she got pregnant a second time, by which point i'd had time to relax about everything. There's nothing selfish in wanting everyone to be excited for you, and its natural that you're excited too! She will come around, i didn't meet my niece until she was 6 months old, at that point i hadn't even seen a picture, i didn't even know she'd been born or was a girl until she was a week old, that's how much unrest there was over my reaction! The first time she was in the house, i had nothing to do with her, i didn't even look at her, took me a few days, and then i asked if i could hold her and took her off to the end of the garden by myself, i swear my sis thought i was going to do something nasty! I needed to be ready but i did come around and now i love my niece to bits and theres no hard feelings between me and my sister. In hindsight, i behaved appallingly, but i can't change the past

 

[nikkie88]

lol... this made me giggle, but only in a hopeful kind of way.. things are never as awful as you think, and the bad never lasts as long as you expect it too.. thanks for your help!... i feel a lot more relaxed about things already... i'll see my Dr Monday, and get everything out with them, suck up all the advice they can give me, and break it to my mum at the 8 week mark i think, i had that in my head for some reason!!...
Thanks again.... Gota go to bed before i eat another packet of monster munch!! x

 

[nik106]

I'm glad we could help put your mind at rest a bit. Night, sleep well and try not to worry about the future!

 

[Siany1982]

I haven't managed to find the words to tell my mum yet, It's having to explain who the dad was, and dealing with the questions, i just don't really want to go through that yet, need to get my head around everything first! (if thats possible).. The father, is a friend at work!. lol, and deffinatley stated he DOES NOT want anymore KIDS!...... Using the pill, i thought he'd never have to face another one either, but something went wrong somewhere, (or right, depending how u look at it! =s)... and bob's ur uncle. Im sure my mum would love to find out and would coem around to being a grandmother. lol, i just want to go do the Drs first and make sure everythings goin to be ok etc... gettin some proffesional advice off them of how to breaks the news. . . . . You don't sound big headed.. if there's one thing your allowed to brag about, its raising a fab child!!! ...

I have to say, when I went to the drs about being pregnant, they just said that the midwife would call once I was 12 weeks, they were so unhelpful, so I really hope u get the help and advice u need hun...
U really should talk to someone tho, so see if they can adivse u of who u can turn to... Also Im sure ur mum will be understanding...
Siany1982

 

[nikkie88]

Thanks.. oh god, nim guna hound them when i see them tmorrow, my Dr better be mre helpful that that!... he's usually quite good!! *Fingers crossed!* Thanks anywayssss. xx