Saw the HV :( *updated- went again :( *

[hayley_17]

ive been feeling very down lately and finally plucked up the courage to tell the HV when i went to get owen weighed. well on tuesday last week i saw the HV, i went on my own cuz my mum was working so i thought it was the perfect oppurtunity.

it wasnt the HV that i normally see but i thought it would still be ok and she would still help me. anyways, got in there, got owen weighed and she asked how i was feeling. i just burst into tears, told her everything how i was feeling. she got me a tissue but that was the only 'nice' thing she did. she basically said if i didnt get owen into a routine i would never feel better, that i was his mum so i was his boss & i HAD to get him into a routine or it wil affect him mentally in a few months, it could be worse because im young & owens dad is not around. i felt like complete crap, i walked out of there feeling worse than i did when i went in. to make it worse, i had to feed owen when i was in there and she was in such a rush to get me out. kept saying shall i take ur stuff into the feeding room for you. finally i went but when i sat owen up he was sick on the floor quite alot. i explained thats what he always did but she was so annoyed that he had been sick on the floor she looked at me like i was a piece of poo on her shoe she made me feel like i was doing everything wrong.

i had to go & see the doc later on in the day cuz owen has been given something for his reflux- finally! when i saw the doc he seen that the HV had written on owens records on the comp that i was feeling low & tired. he asked me how i was and i burst into tears again. he was so nice, and made me feel loads better, suggested books i could get on how to get owen into a good routine, he was just so lovely. ive seen him a few times for owen so i feel like he nos us. owen has been referred to see someone about his eye cuz the HV thinks he has a squint. the doc didnt see anything unusual but wanted to get him checked out anyways. he let me sit in his room and he sorted out owens prescription & referrel letter. he is so lovely & although that made me feel better im still so upset.

i havent been on much recently cuz ive been getting owen into a better routine. ive also been feelign alot worse. its awful. the HV has really knocked my confidence and i feel like im doing everything wrong. i just needed to post because i just cry whenever i think about it, im crying my eyes out writing this

thanks xx

 

[Urchin]

Give your HV a slap from me please?



You are doing GREAT. My kids have never been in a strict routine, when it suited them they settled down into their own routine without me having to force anything on them.

Some babies do respond well to a routine, others are far more relaxed and need you to be more flexible.

I'm so glad you told someone how you feel, don't give up now, ignore what that stupid cow said, and remember, when you are feeling low, we are all here for you.

 

[hayley_17]

thanks alot hun

i wish i could give that HV a slap!! she wasnt my normal HV but was the only 1 working. she was so useless & made me feel so low. all ive done for a week really is sit around thinking about it. i forced myself to get owen into a routine because she made me feel like i had to. luckily hes responded quite well 2 it, dno what i would have done if he hadnt.

im actually scared to go back now. im supposed to be getting him weighed tomorrow but im terrified that it will be her again. its silly i no but she brought me down so much and i stil cry when i think about it

if i didnt have this forum i dno what id do!! u guys are al great xx

 

[Sarah&Braydon]

OMG wot a bitch she has made my blood boil
hun ur a great mum and owen does not need his sperm donnor around u do a great job for u and him, and maybe she should be looking into why lil owen is sick so much instead of making u feel worse than she already has

 

[Dee1985]

babe i no how you feel i went though the same thing im left now haing no confidence what so ever in doctors

as for the routine. my 2 have never been in a strict routin. other then feed eery 4 hours and a bath before bed and bed time is around 8ish. other then that i take it as it comes.

hope your feeling better soon

 

[Hypnorm]

what a cow bag!!
Ewan has never been put in to a routine i just let him develope his own - much the same as urchin.

You are doing a wonderful job, - i never like my HV, she was wet, and my hubby fell out with the doctors surgery about some of my care, and cause he was quite strong with his objections every time i go in they make comment about my hubby and how 'we' are - she even pointed out the domestic violence number!!
So i dont go now, i know ewan is healthy and happy - if they phone me i'll go in but other wise i stay well clear!!

 

[Em78]

ah hun what a wicked old bag that hv is

so glad your doc listened to you though. sometimes i think male docs can be more sympathetic - women tend to think they know it all as they are women and raising kids is a woman thing - men tend to listne to you more and look at you and your baby as an individual case - does that make sense or am i rambling

when you next see you r hv and if you feel up to it i would tell her how this woman made you feel. they are meant to be on the look out for poss pnd etc and she was hurrying you out!

glad he is settling into the routine you tried - they work for me but as the others say just go with the flow - if something doesnt seem to work dont be afraid to try changing things around - just change things a bit at time til you find whats right for you - if that ends up being no routine then that must be whats best for you so who cares!

no one has a rule book for being a parent babe, all our babies our different but they are all loved. someimes its hard to trust your instincts as a mum but they are usually right.

x x

 

[Nicky_Jones]

I know what you mean, I had a male midwife for the birth of Ellie and he was fantastic. I swear he was more supportive and encouraging than a female one would have been.

 

[Keely]

what a bitch!

Ellis wouldnt let me have a routine till he was ready, I dont tell him to wake up at 4am for every night feed and 7 am when he wants to get up!!!!! So he has deciede to do it himself!!!??

Owen will respond to a routine when heis ready and if he has been poorly with reflux and cant sleep at night because of it why would he want to be in a routine, maybe if they had take the reflux seriously earlier you wouldnt be in this state.

Your doing great hun!!!! Look at owen he is a super star!! rolling over sitting up etc etc etc and Ellis has just learn to hold his head!!!!! haha haha


xxxxx

 

[*saulino*]

Hi

Thats crap hun you should make a complaint there are here to help you not make you feel worse, im hearing more and more about these situations your a great mom and doing a fantastic job dont let anyone bring you down
Katrinaxx

 

[hayley_17]

Thanks everyone dno what id do without you guys on here!!

I went back to the HV 2day. Plucked up all the courage i had to go back, woke up this morning feeling good so i thought it would be ok. Got there and had to wait for nearly 1 hr 30 mins (its just a drop in clinic, sort of first come first served). It wasnt my normal HV again, but it was someone i had seen before. I got in there & told her i was feeling better because i actually was. Got Owen weighed, 15lb 9oz now lol She asked how he was getting on with his reflux etc. I told her i had started him on baby rice because my normal HV said i could. It just went downhill from there. She basically told me that it was wrong for me to give him it. Said it would make his reflux worse and he is too little to be having baby rice. I just said he is a big baby and only going just 3 hours between feeds and the rice has helped his reflux. But apparently im totally wrong. He shouldn't be having rice and i just have to perserver with him feeding every 3 hours, in the night aswell.

I could feel myself getting upset and i knew i was about to cry, i was in there for little over 10 mins. I got out & had to text Dad to come get me, he took nearly 30mins when i only live 10 mins away. Owen was ready to be fed and he was just crying loads. I was so upset, when i got home, i fed Owen, got into my pjs and just sat on my bed & watched a dvd. I couldnt stop crying. I'm crying right now writing this

I have to say i have now lost all confidence i had. I am now refusing to go back there, to get Owen weighed i am going to ring & ask for my normal HV to come to my house to weigh Owen. I can't keep going back there to be knocked down again and again. I thought HVs were supposed to help?? I feel so guilty that i feel like this, i feel like im missing out on Owen being little, he's growing so fast and i dont feel like im enjoying him like i should be.

I've never felt so awful in my life. I just don't know what to do anymore. I was going to make an appointment to see the doc i like to talk 2 him but im just terrified of going back to there... i'm such a mess but im pretending im happy to everyone else.

I feel awful... thanks for reading xx

 

[Keely]

oh babe... I really feel for you and I really dont think you should be going through this on your own. Please go and see your doctor and tell him you have PND. Get yourself on some medication!! There is nothing wrong with taken some pills till the bad feelings go away!



xxxx

 

[Sarah&Braydon]

oh hun i am so sorry u are going thro this again the HV had no rite to say UR not allowed to put him on solids ur Owens mum u decide wen and how and wot happens
im always here hun if u need to tlk please text me email me etc if u need to day or nite

 

[Urchin]

AWW HUN!

Ring your normal HV TOMORROW and tell her you want a private appointment in your home and it's an emergency.

PLEASE do this, you do not need to feel this way you are doing a great job. I promise everything will be OK.

 

[Sarah&Braydon]

AWW HUN!

Ring your normal HV TOMORROW and tell her you want a private appointment in your home and it's an emergency.

PLEASE do this, you do not need to feel this way you are doing a great job. I promise everything will be OK.

well put hun

 

[Lucy]

Hayley

I think your HV's have a very harsh manner and they could've been a lot more supportive and gentle.

Take Urchin's advice - call the HV tomorrow and ask for help. Please don't just take the anti-ds though, it sounds to me like you need more support (ntohing wrong in the pills if the Dr assesses that you need them). Do you have any baby groups to go to? I found talking to other mums a great help - I live miles from my family and friends and when the HV gave me the official lines on things I got upset and worried that I it wasn't right for us/Olivia but talking to real like mums going through the same things was great and we shared experiences and I got so much advice from them.

Good luck

Lucy

 

[ToriElla]

Everyone feels like they aren't doing a good job, well I know I did. It's a natural fear when you have a new baby! The last think you need is a HV like that when they are meant to be supporting and helping you. Hope you feel better soon

 

[hayley_17]

thanks everyone

i rang my HV today, asked her for a home visit, she asked why i couldnt come to the clinic and i said i just didnt want to. she seemed quite annoyed really and said the earliest home visit i can have is on monday. well we're going to england on friday until wednesday so i cant go on monday. i explained this and she said she can come next thursday or friday.

i asked her to book both appointments for me and i will ring her when i get back on wednesday and tell her which one i want. she is quite a nice HV but still im really nervous about seeing her. i feel so awful and i cant tell anyone. i just want to cry all the time but its like im scared to admit something is wrong. like theres something wrong about feeling the way i do.

ive had a really bad day today. poor owen ive stayed in with him all day, i usually take him out but i really didnt feel up to it. i didnt get dressed till late and im so unhappy but noone realises because i wont tell anyone. i just want people to help me but its like i want them to be mind readers, i want them to know how i feel without me havig to tell them.

sorry if this doesnt make sense xx

 

[Sarah&Braydon]

Awww hun u reaally need to tlk to ur mum again
like iv just sed to u on msn hopefully wen u move bck here and as its a new start etc ur feeling much better

 

[Lauz_1601]

aww hun, I think your doing the right thing by asking the HV to come to you, dont go back to the clinic, and do your own thing with Owen, Im sorry but your with him 24/7, the HV see's him for 10mins if that so only you know him best and know his needs better than anyone.

Just think to yourself Im his mummy I know his needs better than anyone and Im doing the right thing, dont let anyone put you down, and I know its hard but let everything else anyone says go straight over your head

YOUR his mum and your doing a fantastic job the sounds of it and you obviously care very much for him, your doing brill hun just you remember that.