SAHM How did you manage?

[Rachyw86]

Hi ladies.

I think I'm just looking for some info and advice really.

We are not due until early March but we have been getting an idea of childcare costs.
We both commute into London everyday and by no means are well off.
Hubby's salary is £49k and mine is £27k. We both have a lot of outgoings between us and are left with £1500 between us a month.

It seems that I would be left with zero disposable income a monh after childcare. Which makes us question, is it worth it? Even if I was left with £200 a month, the commute and long hours away from my baby, would it be worth it?

I work in finance but prior to this I specialised in specific beauty treatments which I did well with. So was thinking maybe I could do this a couple of evenings to help with paying my direct debits bills etc?

So for those of you who are contemplating it or are doing it, how have you found it? How did you cope with lack of money? My main concern would be covering my own personal bills, credit cards etc as those obviously still need paying(although I'm trying to pay them off in large chunks while pregnant).

I doubt it but would I be entitled to any help?

Sorry if I sound so naive, I don't think we appreciated how much childcare costs would be and also relied on the fact that MIL may have bean for a day or so a week but it has become apparent that she won't commit to that!!

All your advice and words gratefully received!
Xx

 

[mylullaby]

I'm not a SAHM so not commenting from that point of view, but hope you don't mind me jumping in?

This might not be helpful as you know your own situation better than me. But I think once you start having kids and having maternity leave / cutting down hours / giving up work, you need to try really hard to see your income AND outgoings as a total family thing rather than yours and his. Including seeing your credit card payments as joint outgoings.

I think you should decide if you WANT to go back - do you like your job enough? Do you want to progress your career in the field/company you're in? Going back to work wouldn't leave YOU with zero money after childcare, it would leave YOU with half as much money and your husband with less money than he currently has. I know it's the same in terms of your total income, but I would avoid viewing childcare costs in relation to only your salary.

I also think your husband should be paying off chunks of your debt as you are, because when you're on maternity leave and taking care of your baby, you'll be saving the family pot of money from any childcare costs (to put it bluntly, you'll be saving your husband money on the childcare costs that he would have to pay if you weren't at home or if you went back to work after 2 weeks).

I hope I'm making sense. I'm not implying that your husband is a scrooge or anything, I just think the expenses and incomes from both of you should be treated as joint as soon as you have a baby to care for and work situations/childcare options come into the equation.

Having said all that, if you love the idea of going back to the beauty treatments, this could be the perfect time to make that change? xxx

 

[Baby2sky]

I'm a sahm. My hubby earns a good wage (although not as much as yours!) And we have very low outgoings so I don't need to work. As the previous poster said, all our money is ours, we have one account and everything goes in/out of that.

On your husbands wage, you would be entitled to £80 per month child benefit.

 

[Goat]

Were almost 100% that I'm not going back either. Like you we both work in finance in London and live in London and earn a good wage however with me not going back our incomings will be halved which is a scary thought.

All our bills come out of our joint account so we've been able to calculate the cost per month giving us a food and 'ad hoc' budget too. Then we've gone through it and seen where we can make cuts. We don't go out much, haven't been on holiday for 2 years and have shopped around for cheaper house/content/car insurance and TV/phone packages. Were tightening the purse strings on eating out and do online shopping to make sure we don't go over our food budget. It basically means a life of fewer luxuries but we can live and save a small amount.
On the topic of saving, get saving asap. We put away a good amount of money amount each month over the past 2.5 years and now have a good cushion for 'just in case' purposes.

So it's doable and we are entitled to no benefits whatsoever. The main difference from 'now' and 'then' is I can't just go and buy myself something new without a second thought, have to discuss it with hubby first, see if we can buy this month or wait till next. Also holidays, we've not gone on one for 2 years whereas previously we'd go 2-3 times a year. Our savings either stay still or grow very slowly. We can't eat out as much.
So as you can see they're all very frivolous problems that are easily overcome if both you and hubby are on board and obviously you can afford the core bills.x

 

[Rachel80]

I'm on a career break ATM, I took an extra year after mat leave & am still undecided whether to go back. I work in finance in London, I earn £50k & my partner more than double that so we can live on his wage. But I struggle morally letting him pay for everything. I know I shouldn't & bringing up the family/looking after the home is a v hard job BUT I do find it difficult knowing he now has to pay for everything. If I went back part time I could afford childcare, pay all the bills, the food & not have to take any disposable cash from my oh - but I also think that you get one chance to raise you lo's & you can always go back to your job in a few years time. Yes you may have to work your way back up a little but you're not losing anything by taking a break - unless of course you are still fiercely ambitious (something I've lost in recent years). It's a tough decision & everyone has different viewpoints, good luck with what you decide x