Sad

[tweetyfoo]

Today I had to work with the girl in work that fell pregnant around the same time as me, but sadly had a miscarriage two weeks ago, I felt awful.

I gave her a hug and we had a good chat about how I felt bad, and she was worried about seeing me. She kept crying, it was horrible.

I don't know what to do, I wont be flaunting my pregnancy certainly, but I already have a bit of a bump and once its showing I dunno.

I don't want this to come across as a selfish post, I just don't know what to do for the best. She was lovely and said she was happy everything was going well for me, but I don't think she meant it iykwim.

 

[mrz85]

akward postion to be in you did the right thing today though

 

[scribbins]

It's so sad she suffered a terrible loss, and you are naturally sad for what she has been through, but you are entitled to your joy as well. I doubt anything you do, or don't do will ease her pain. It sounds as though you are being really considerate already.

 

[tinselcat]

Well you sound like you're being sensitive which is lovely

From personal experience i would say that not flaunting pregnancy/talking about it a lot in front of her would go a long way to easing her emotional pain

Xx

 

[kanga86]

aww hunny! I had this the other way around, I was the one who mc'ed and had two girls at work pregnant, one due a day after I would have been.

I did find it very hard being around them after my mc, u go through so many emotions. U are happy for them everything is going well for them, cos I would never wish a mc on anyone, but u also have that hatred and jealousy that everything is ok for them!! Thinking why me? and not them?

I certainly had worse days once u could start seeing their bumps, but in general I was happy for them and excited for their 20 week scan etc

I think just talking to her about everything, even pregnancy stuff if she is asks, will help both of u. Both the girls at my work did avoid at the beginning which I absolutely hated. But u sound so considerate of her feelings already, so please don't feel bad. xxx

 

[Sunbeam638]

Ah tweetyfoo that is a difficult position to be in and you deserve to be happy xx

A girl in work knew about my miscarriage last year and when she fell pregnant i was really happy for her but now that's all she now talks (moans more like) about, she doesn't know I'm pregnant but it's ironic I love this forum but listening to her annoys me sometimes!

It's knowing your audience and you know she has had a miscarriage so it is a nice thing to be sensitive to her and if she wants to talk then talk away but also it's a very up and down time for her so if she gets funny with you don't take it to heart but if she's plain mean and makes any digs then that is not on!!

Tweetyfoo you sound like a kind person and She is happy for you just probably feeling a loss to herself. Mc is a rollercoaster of emotions.

Enjoy your pregnancy and just be yourself around her xx

 

[Loula]

i cant imagine how i would cope in thsi situation but sounds liek you did great x

 

[ms_dove]

It sounds like a terrible situation you're in. I guess all you can do is let her lead the way as to how much she wants to hear about your pregnancy. It was really brave of you to talk to her about it. So many people don't know what to say in these situations, and so just avoid the person. I think that was really kind of you. I really hope you still get to have an enjoyable time whilst pregnant at work. xx

 

[tweetyfoo]

Thank you all for your kind words

It is a very difficult situation that I need to play by ear I suppose.

I'm not particularly friendly with the girl, but our pregnancies kind of forced us together ... and we got married around the same time also.

I let her do most of the talking really, and didn't ask any questions about the mc, but she talked quite openly and she asked me about my pregnancy.

I hope I don't make her pain any worse... we don't work together that often which will be a relief for her I suppose ... and selfishly me.

 

[ams25]

Oh sweetie that does sound like a sad situation to be in you're a lovely person for considering her feelings and it defo sounds like you've handled it well, I'm sure she would rather you spoke about it than ignored it like the elephant in the room. But equally as your pregnancy goes on I would be inclined to maybe just hold back a bit talking about scans etc around her. I'm sure she really appreciates how you've handled it hun.

I am sort of in a similar situation, my husband's cousin had a miscarriage about 3 weeks ago bless her she has had about 5 mc's, but happily also has 2 gorgeous girls. I know she is trying for just one more as she wants a boy to complete her family. I'm not sure how far along she was but it was before 12 weeks so I am guessing she was pretty much around the same stage as us, at the most only a couple of weeks apart, which makes me feel awful! I don't want to upset her when we announce our pregnancy, I know it will be really hard for her (Even though she's lovely and will be over the moon for us too). Worst thing is I don't think we're even meant to know about her mc as she hasn't told us herself (we heard it from a family member with a big mouth) so its not even like I can tell her how sorry I am. Eek!

Its a tough one xxx

 

[Em91]

That must be really tough. When i was in hospital last week they put a girl in the bed next to me who had just had a misscarriage and i felt so guilty. Specially since the old lady in the bed opposite kept asking me about my baby and names etc.

All you can do is what you did today really, listen and be there if she wants you to be.
x

 

[Emily0505]

I know exactly how you feel, my best friend told me that she had miscarried a couple of weeks ago

I was quite upset by it as I couldn't think of anything worse that could happen given the fact I am pregnant. The next day I took her to one side and I said I was sorry for her and that although I knew something was wrong, I never imagined it was a mc and that although she chose not to tell me at the time I felt guilty I wasn't there to support her through it when it happened.

I did tell her outright that I felt worried that if I talked about my baby it would upset her and I almost felt that I didn't want to say anything about bean. She told me not to be so silly, but I do still worry that I will upset her. I guess its easier for me though as she is a close friend, to be able to have that conversation with her.

There's no doubt that the girl at work will be sad and seeing your ever growing bump may upset her at times but just be as supportive as you can and understanding if she is having an off day.

But, my sympathies to the both of you for the situation that you both find yourselves in. It is very sad.

XX