My Sister in Law - Sad Post

[tiggerstacy]

I posted a few ago to say that my sister in law was also pregnant and due 1-2 weeks after me, she had some bleeding last week and went for an early scan, she said that she should have been eight weeks but the baby only measured 6.5 weeks, there was a heartbeat but they could see where the bleeding was coming from.

Anyways to cut a very long story short, she has lost the baby, she had more really heavy bleeding, pains and clots, she has to go to the hospital for a scan to make sure that everything has come away.

Before she knew she was pregnant she had a throat infection and so was on antibiotics and taking paracetamol and ibuprofen, a few weeks ago she also had an infected tooth so had to have more antibiotics, she is now thinking that this is why she has lost the baby.

I feel so sad, this is the second person I know who has lost her baby since I found out that I was pregnant, it is going to be so hard for her to watch my pregnancy progress.

The other person is a girl who I work with, she was due within a few days of me but lost her baby at 6 weeks, she was off work for 3 weeks but since coming back to work she hasn’t spoken to me (all the girls in the office know that I am expecting), we used to be really good friends, I feel like I can’t enjoy being pregnant at work as it might upset her and of course I don’t want that, but at the same time it’s not my fault she lost her baby and I want to enjoy being pregnant.

I'm sorry about the long sad post but needed to share with someone.

If anyone has any advice for me I would really appreciate it.

Thanks

 

Hi Tiggerstacy,

I'm sorry to hear about your S-I-L and work colleague. It must seem as though you're "not allowed" to enjoy being pregnant, at least when you're at work. I'm sure your work colleague is simply avoiding you to protect her own feelings. When we're grieving, our emotions can be "hijacked" at the slightest thing - we can find ourselves bursting into tears at a certain song on the radio, coming across an item of clothing, a picture etc. I remember after my dad died, I went to a friend's engagement party. As I walked into the pub where they were holding the party, the couple came over to greet me, all happy, but the only thing I was aware of was a song the DJ had just put on that had been played at my dad's funeral. I ran straight to the toilets and had a good cry. I didn't come out for ages. The newly engaged couple must have thought I was a right weirdo! But I hate crying in public and had been caught completely off-guard.

Your colleague is probably avoiding you because she doesn't want her emotions to come out at work, and perhaps because she doesn't want you to feel awkward (strange though that seems).

When I had my first little boy, I became friendly with a girl who was due around the same time as me. I was so upset to learn her baby boy had died at/just after birth. I didn't know what to do: should I avoid her and save her the pain of seeing me, or should I go see her? In the end, I went to see her without my baby. I felt so guilty (that I had my baby and she didn't), but she was so pleased to see me. She loved having the opportunity to show me his photos and tell me all about him. This happened to my mum too. She lost her first child, but was delighted that her neighbour's baby grew up healthy - she had a "marker" of how her child would have been at each stage.

When you see your friend from work and your S-I-L, just let them talk when they're ready. Ask about them, how they are, just as everyone else is doing. They don't "blame" you for still being pregnant (and you shouldn't feel "guilty" for being happy), they're just grieving and trying to cope as best they can.

As for you, it's such a shame that you had two people close to you going through the same thing and yet now you have to go through the journey on your own, so be kind to yourself and try not to second-guess the other two girls too much: just focus on yourself for now and, when they're ready to talk, they will.

 

[tiggerstacy]

Thank you Wendy Wandy for your kind words , someone in the office just asked me my date for my 12 week scan and she ran out crying. I can try and not talk about it in front of her but I can't stop others asking me about it.

Will just have to wait and see what happens with it.

 

[krystal&jack]

I agree with previous post, It's so sad that your sis and friend have lost their babies but try and not let that affect your pregnancy. It's such a special time for you. For the girl at work the pain of losing her baby is prob so fresh, i'm sure she doesn't resent you for being pregnant, it will probably just take some time for her to grieve over losing her baby.

 

[fynemum]

I think Wendy has done a wonderful job of explaining my feelings with a girl I went through my last pregnancy with....
Unfortunately I lost my boy to a MMC but thankfully the girl at work went on to have her son just last week.
It was lovely at first as we were both due around the same and we swapped stories of morning sickness and bumps etc...
But when i lost mine it was very difficult for us both...she felt guilty for being happy... and i felt sad for my loss.
We both kinda avoided each other for a week or two, then we met in the corridor, She said she was so so sorry and said if I ever needed to talk... That was enough for us to get over the awkwardness.
I was never upset she was expecting or jealous that she had her baby still growing, I was just hurting that mine was gone... She understood this and with a little time I got to enjoy her pregnancy with her... I felt him moving inside her, I saw the later scans, and now I look forward to seeing him when she bring him up to our work next week.

I also would like to say I can understand why you feel the way you do, but please try to continue to enjoy your pregnancy, It is a unique experience that changes with every child, so do please enjoy every minute without feeling guilt, you have done nothing wrong and it sounds like your a sensitive soul that really cares and feels for others thats lovely. but look after you too.. Lv Yvonne xx