PREGNANT/SCARED/LONELY

[saraUK]

hello, I am a confused 20 year old female, who only on Wednesday found out I was pregnant.I went to the doctors yesterday, I am about 7 weeks! I had been getting period like cramps for afew weeks, but I knew they weren't.I actually got freaked out and thought something quite serious was happening.I honestly thought I had got something wrong with my ovaries.I live alone but when I stayed at my mums she thought I'd got stomach problems as they run in the family.It was only until a week before Wednesday that my bf mentioned I was late for a period.My birthday was 13th March, I hadn't had one since then, so I guessed I was 2-3 weeks late.I have always been regular, this was the first time I'd ever been late, and I had completely forgot.It wasn't until the Wednesday my mum brought me a test.By this time I had researched the pains I was getting and realised I was pregnant.I was scared to do the test, but it showed positive straight away.I nearly stopped breathing, and told my bf straight away.Since then we have broken up, but we were going to anyway.My mum and older sister who had a baby at 19 and who is now 23, have helped loads.They aren't pushing me to go a certain way.The father wants me to have an abortion, hes 20 also and quite mentally young still.I feel his mum who I told myself, thinks it will ruin his life and mine.She has already said she wished she had never had children! I wanted to travel etc but who says you can't when your older?Or with your own children when their grown?I'm young, & though this wasn't planned I feel I could do this.Maybe this is my destiny.I have never been so stuck on what to do.Two people I thought were my friends, would rather go clubbing and get drunk then come see me.I did really want to see them, they have never even been round mine, as they are v lazy, but expect me to walk to theirs and sit in a smokey f-ing room.So sorry I've gone on a bit, but really want to talk to someone.Its breaking my heart thinking I might have to get an abortion.Love Sara

 

[Em78]

hi sarah i'm so sorry you are having such a tough time.

please dont feel like you have to make any snap decisions just now. the whole thing will only just be sinking in and you need to give yourself time.

i cant help thinking from your post (sorry if i'm wrong ) that an abortion would not be your choice? the most important thing to do right now is what is right for you. just cos having kids wasnt right for your ex's mum doesnt mean its not right for you. dont let anyone push their choices on you because of how their own lives turned out.

i am not anti abortion and if you do feel this is what you want then you must stay true to yourself, i just got from you that it was something you would only do if others pushed it on you.

you will have lots of people to talk to on here who wont judge you or try to tel you what to do, only try to help you find your won way.

i'll be thinking of you and would be happy to chat to you if you need to.

em x

 

[skatty]

Hi Sara, sorry you are having such a horrible time at the moment. I have never been in your position but would like to say don't let anyone push you into doing anything you don't want to. There are some lovely young, single mums on this forum and I am sure they would be able to give you loads of advice. Follow your instincts because they are always right for you.

Sending you a big hug, Katt x

 

[Dreamer]

Hi Sara,

Im sorry to hear that your in this position, but maybe you bf wasnt the one for you.

It sounds to me also that you dont want an abortion, and i know its different for everyone but i think you would regret it.

You have this baby growing inside of you, that needs you, pleanty of people have gotten pregnant by accident and got through it, you have your mum and your sister, and most importantly your baby.

Do whats right for you.

I hope your ok

Let us know how you get on

Dreamer xx

 

[Keely]

Hi sara

Sorry to hear the pregnancy is not what you was expecting, but my thoughts are you will do really well.... It seems you have lots of support from your mum and sister!

You will find some of your friends will drift away, I dont see mine as much since I got pregnant. But you have the rest of your life to make new friends, I cant wait to meet some friends with babies etc.

This forum is a life saver and if you do decide to keep your baby, you will get soooo much support from everyone on here.

Good luck sweety xxxxx

 

[whyslifesobig]

just wanted to say that i feel for you. If there is one time you are allowed to be a little selfish and think about what you want it is now.
I am 31 and not sure if I am pregnant or not yet but I know that my BF will go mad if I am and I have already made my mine up that if it is a choice between him or the baby, its the baby so I am not going to tell him til I really have to. He really doesn't want kids and neither did I until recently but now I know that I really would rather be a single mum than to abort and live life full of regrets.
What I am saying is it has to be your choice if You really feel that it is going to be too hard on your own then you will have to make the choice but take your time and don't get too upset or the choice might be made for you if you mis-carry. Good Luck
At least you have your mum and sisters
I will be really alone as my mum died 3 yrs ago and my family are not really of any use to me and we don't get along.

 

[budge]

hi Sara

You need to sit and think things out before deciding anything. Try and get some quiet time to yourself to think what YOU really want to do.
Right now you're in shock and you might find you make the wrong decision that you will regret forever and you don't want that.
Is there perhaps a chance you can talk to someone about your situation and get advice? A stranger might be a good idea who won't be emotionally involved.

If you do decide to have a termination then you have to act fast as the longer you leave it the more traumatic and dangerous it will be.

I hope you find the right path for you and take care of yourself.

 

[emilia]

Hi Sara
Like all the others have said.... I'm sorry that you find yourself in this situation. I can appreciate how scared and alone you must feel - when in a crisis, you realise who your real friends are!

There is so little we can do or say to help you make up your mind. It's a very difficult decision to make on your own, but I would also recomment that you look at your life in a very sober light and take it from there. Only you will know if you can do this or not.

Whatever your decision, it is absolutely crucial that you start building up a support network. Whether with child or not, this is something that is so very important for anyone, in order to cope with the physical and emotional issues.

As for bf and his mum. my only concern would be their future involvement with the child (if you choose not to terminate). You have to look ahead and realise the reality of their presence. Will they have a negative or positive influence on the child? Can they be trusted to be entirely absent from this childs life? Bf's mother sounds unreliable and negative and obviously your ex too immature to see the wood from the tree.

Hiccups like this happen. No point crying over spilt milk. It really just breaks my heart to hear of situations where bf walks out of relationship after BFP.
Now he's put the ball in your court, Sarah.... he's walked away from it. But looking at some of the other girls posts that have found themselves in similar situations.... the ex's always re-appear to stir things up!!!

The girls are right - we're all here to support each other and this forum is fantastic. We're here to support and here to be opinionated if that's required.
I'm wishing you much luck at this very hard and difficult time.
Let us know how you get on!
Emilia xx

 

[Vicky]

I'm so sorry to hear about your sistuation at the moment, but like the other girls have said its up to you noone else. You need to really think about what you want to do.

Hope everything goes well for you hun. We are all here for you we have a great support network on this forum.

 

[*saulino*]

Hi

Well as all the others said i hope youreally think about this before you keep or abort this baby, think about what you want and not what others want cuz in the end its you not them whos to say whats gonna happen.
i hope your okay and if you ever need to talk you got hundreds of willing ladies on here to talk with you .
Take care hun.
Katrina

 

[Jaidy]

Hi hun,

Just wanted to say whatever decision you choose, go with what is right for you, dont let anyone sway you, follow your heart. Im 20 and pregnant too, Im sure you will be a fantastic mum. Whatever you decide we will all be here on the forum to support you. Good luck and take care xxx

 

[Manda]

Sara

All i'll say is go with your heart, from your post it sounds like you want to keep the baby, don't let anyone make your mind up for you, you're so lucky to have the support of your mum and sister, there are many single mums that cope and are good mothers, think long and hard before you make your choice as once it's done it's done.

Good luck and remeber there's people here for you.

 

[Hypnorm]

Its breaking my heart thinking I might have to get an abortion.Love Sara

You don't have to do anything that you don't want too, its your body. There are lots of single mums, who put up with alot of shi+e from their exe's but it seems to me it makes them a stronger person and a better mum. You will get lots of support from every one hear what ever you decied to do - but the vibe that i get from this post is that this baby will be loved, you have your family support, stuff what his mother says.
As you said you can always travel later in life,

Do what YOU want to do don't be pressured as it could really affect the rest of your life.
men can go and forget about it they don't give a damn, they don't have to go through the physical ordeal - but you would have to live with that choice.

Go and look deep in to your heart and decide what you want.

Good luck we are all hear to suport you.

 

[budge]

hope you are ok sara.

 

[Lyn_no3]

Hi i just wanted to add how terrible i feel for you having to be making this decision when you are obvioulsy being pulled in both directions by different ppl in your life, like all the other ladies on here have said you have to do whats right for you, you can't please everyone all the time, but as long as you can please you thats all important.
take care and feel free to get in touch anytime.

 

[kittycat74]

Hi - wow, what a difficult decision. You sound mature enough to deal with it, even if your friends and ex aren't. It's no wonder your ex has issues when his own Mother wishes she hadn't had him. I've always found it interesting that people can throw around comments such as 'It'll ruin your life' and expect you to have an abortion like as though it's plucking an unwanted hair. At the end of the day you take the responsibility of fatherhood with you each time you have sex, you can't just walk away because it doesn't suit you - after all, you can't just do that can you?

Anyway, my sister's best mate had 2 kids not too long after she was 18 and out of school (willingly). It didn't work out with the father but she met a fantastic guy who loves her and her kids (they married). When her kids got old enough to go to school she began a part time maths degree (of all things!!) and is now a teacher. Her kids are growing up and becoming more independent and she has a career - and she's not quite 30. She has the rest of her life to be both a great Mum but also to do whatever she darn well likes.

I am 32 and just found out i'm pregnant with my first and so am kind of doing it the other way round to her.

Point is, if, there's no hard and fast rules to say you MUST have kids later in life. I think it's interesting how society can be quite negative to women who choose to have children 'young' - as though they are seen as 'wasting' opportunities. This to me, isn't what past generations of women fought to achieve. What we have now is the CHOICE to do what we feel is right for us. You can, with the support of those great sounding women around you (and future friends/boyfriends/husbands) make it work brilliantly. I honestly have no friends i knew when i was at school - my close friends are all people i met in my 20s .

But you must be prepared that your ex is the father and as such has the right to be involved IF he wants to make a positive contribution. It's between you and him, and not you, him and his mother.

Good luck - go with what's in your heart. Let us know how you get on.

 

[SurpriseBean]

Scared and confused.

I'm 36 and pregnant.... Its a long long story so I'll try and give you the short version...

My husband and I tried for a baby for 10 years (7 cycles of fertility treatment). He became a very big drinker and eventually physically hurt me. I forgave him and stayed. He hurt me again, I tried to forgive him but I couldn't cope and left with my 14yr old son from previous.

I hit rock bottom, the doctors put me on medication and I was so spaced out that I crashed my car. That night I had a few glasses of wine and one thing led to another with a friend (He thought he was unable to have children. He tried for 9yrs with his ex-wife). The result is the pregnancy I thought I always wanted but the whole situation is such a mess.

Please give me some advice, what do I do? I live in a small town... I'm scared....

 

[Jojo84]

The decision has to be your decision and you cannot be swayed by others. So what is best for you, and I mean for YOU and not others.

Technically you're not supposed to discuss abortion on here but rest assured that If you decide to keep it then you will get bucketloada if online support from this community

 

[SurpriseBean]

xx

 

[SurpriseBean]

Hi Sara,

I was 20 when I found out I was pregnant with my son. His father left me the day I told him and I was terrified... But I knew in my heart that I couldn't go through with a termination (I'm not anti abortion, you must do what is right for you xxx). So I decided to go ahead withe the pregnancy. My son is now 14yrs old (15 in two months Arrrrhhh), he has been my greatest achievement. Bright, happy, healthy and independent. I won't lie to you it wasn't easy, I worked very hard to make sure he grew up in a good area, attended good schools and had the very best start in life.

I guess what I'm trying to say is follow your heart.

If having a termination is the best decision for you then never doubt yourself or have regrets. If you would like to keep the baby but your scared that you might be alone or people will talk etc... Know that you will be fine and can do anything you put your mind too. People/family don't stay mad at pregnant ladies and babies...

Thinking of you x x xx