Pregnancy and sex

[MissH232]

So my OH and I are expecting our first child at the start of August. It's been a really rough pregnancy. I had HG up til about 19 weeks and was incredibly ill. Since then I've had PGP and just generally been really uncomfortable. Never got any of the 'nice' 2nd trimester symptoms.

Anyway, my OH and I had sex once in my 1st trimester but after that, everything just died off. No matter what I tried to do- kisses and being obviously sexual, nothing happened. I confronted him and his response was he didnt want me to feel uncomfortable. I reassured him that it wouldn't be the case and that we could try different positions and I would let him know if I was uncomfortable. I felt like I had forced him and it was the most awkward sex we've ever had. Since then it's been a no-go area, no matter how much hinting I do.

I don't care about the physical act of sex, I just want to feel desirable and wanted. I'm getting bigger&bigger and I have stretch marks on my stomach and thighs and I feel revolting. I know he's watched porn in the toilets at work before. Him watching porn has never bothered me, but it does now I'm desperate for him to have sex with me. He tells me he loves me and that I'm beautiful all the time, but I just don't believe him and thought if he did think I was attractive/desirable that we'd be having sex. He seems to have it in his head that once the baby is here, things will be back to normal and then we can have sex whenever. I just feel so disgusting

 

[Pismo]

Oh, I'm sorry you are experiencing this.

Its almost the opposite here. OH would quite happily continue on as normal (more than normal I'm sure) and has commented on the fact that he finds me almost more attractive because i'm heavily pregnant.

However I feel really self conscious and embarrassed about my body and the changes that its gone through. I cant wait for my body to be 'mine' again.

Have you told him how this is making you feel?

Pregnancy effects men in strange ways and it may be a case of just waiting until he feels comfortable in either talking about the reason behind it or with you being pregnant. He may just be worried he could hurt you or the baby.

Sorry if not much help...

x

 

[MissH232]

I don't want to go on about it too much or else I would think he'd just be doing it because I've bullied him into it! I've been trying so hard to keep myself looking as neat as I can- killing myself with a flipping mirror to shave my lady bits and my legs and everything! I'm getting to the stage where I think- what's the point?! I'm just going to let it all grow and sit in big white granny pants and not care because no matter what I do it wont make any difference!

 

[Pismo]

That's the stance I have taken - No matter what I did I didn't feel like myself. I have put an unofficial ban on sex for the rest of the pregnancy... How much long have you got?

x

 

[JJ Mum]

It will come back after the first 8-10 weeks of new baby parent survival training.
The windows to have sex will be smaller but you then make the most of it and treasure it more.
Hormones play a big role in you feeling rough , not to mention body shape changes and hubbys just don't feel what we feel.
Hubbys been more interested than before , prob as my boobs are great right now till later on!! But we have hardley any opurtunity now , so i'm not fussed - basically don't make a fuss about it, hang in there, yourll be "you " again soon xx

 

[hopeful1976]

I agree JJ Mum, totally with you on this, I dont fuss about it whatsoever, and recomment this to all the girls...This is my 2nd baby , and I know very well that for men sex with pregnant ( especially heavily pregnant ) women is very..."specialist" .. Best not to make fuss about it nor put pressure on hubbies as it just makes matters worse. I dont want my DH to have sex with me out of pity, because i honestly know that he is definitely not getting turned on by me right now. It is only natural that they feel awkward about "doing it" with us right now, I personally do not feel sexy ( even though am horny as hell), nor do I look it! Come on girls, lets be honest- massive tummy, swallen feet ( in my case they are enormous right now ), clumsy and uncomfortable with aches and pains - not exactly a turn on. I know for a fact my husband is not getting turned on by all this, plus it is weird for him knowing that his child is inside this tummy and no matter where he touches me, he feels it move. It is lovely to touch your moving baby and cuddle up and stuff, but where could possibly hot sexual desire come into all this?....All I am saying is girls, relax and dont worry about it it too much, soon we ll have our lovey babies, from experience I know - prepare for you and your hubby to be more in love than ever, so the best is yet to come....soon after birth sex will come back, and all will be good...Some girls are lucky and their husbands still get turned on and want to have sex when their wives are pregnant..but belioeve me not many, and it is ok..enjoy nice cuddles and soft kisses and feeling close, dont ruin this magical time by stressing over sex, your hubby will appreciate it...Xxxx