please please help me, I am absolutely terrified

[pacha]

Hi there, I just found out on Tuesday that I am pregnant and I’m absolutely terrified. I have been on the pill and take it religiously as the same time every night so I am not quite sure how it has managed to happen. I last had a period week commencing 13th October and checking my calendar assume that it must have been conceived the weekend of 25th October as my boyfriend is only home at weekends.

I am absolutely terrified at the thought of having a baby. Even though I am 25 I just feel far too young mentally and our financial state is not great, we struggle at present to pay for our home and have no spare cash whatsoever. I haven’t been able to stop crying since I found out and haven’t been able to sleep at all, I feel so down.

I have told my boyfriend and like me he is completely shocked and also cannot see how we could cope. He only gets home from his job at weekends.

I would really appreciate any help or advice that anyone is able to give me right now…I also apologise if this post is in any way insensitive to woman who are trying to conceive x

 

[rhian85]

didnt want to read and run... i dont have any advice really but i felt i had to reply to you. i hope u can work it out and do whats right for you - sorry i dont have much more advice

 

[mary70]

to be honest hun i think every woman that finds out they are pregnant planned or unplanned finds it really frightening, give yourself a little time to let the news sink in and you will prob feel differently, as for the money side of it there is never a good time to have kids most of us find it a struggle but there are benifits to help you out and we always seem to find a way to get through it

 

[shelleyb]

MAybe it is just the shock that it wasn't planned. You are very early just not so you have time to think things through properly - don't make any hasty decisions. Did you see yourself wanting to have children at one point?? Well if you answer yes maybe this is meant to be!!!! It is a daunting thought when you have planned it never mind when you havent, please take time to think about - once you get over the shock you may feel differently

 

[Tasha20]

Just giving you one of these

 

[pacha]

Thanks for the replies, much appreciated - I am praying that I will start to feel differently about it. I think it terrifies me more because I dont have family and my boyfriend will only be here at the weekend

 

[pacha]

Yea I definitely saw my self having kids one day but I was thinking more of in my early 30's and when I was in a better position to support a child. I dont know why I see myself as being so young when infact I am 25 which should be a responsible age. I just cant think straight, my head is full of mashed potatoe just now.

I have just bought my first home a few months ago and am in the process of doing the house up, I suppose I was just looking forward to enjoying the place and doing it up...just typing that actually makes me feel really selfish.

 

[Sammystar]

you're not selfish, you're just in shock

Give yourself time to let it sink in. You'll be fine, you'll get lots of support on here.

As for the financial side, as Mary said, it's never a 'perfect' time for most people. Try not to think of the financial implications. Whatever happens, you'll find a way to get by.

 

[buddabun]

to be honest hun i think every woman that finds out they are pregnant planned or unplanned finds it really frightening, give yourself a little time to let the news sink in and you will prob feel differently, as for the money side of it there is never a good time to have kids most of us find it a struggle but there are benifits to help you out and we always seem to find a way to get through it

couldn't have put it better myself - we want this more than anything in the world and are both terrified! Plus there is no right time. I don't think we'll ever have 'enough' money but now's as good as ever. Let the news sink in, have some long chats and see where you both are.

And good luck
x

 

[HollyHobby]

Babies dont have to cost much - £500 can do it, and if you are on any benefits the government will give you that £500!
I think it's natural youre in shock, but give yourself soem time to get used to the idea - I think even those of us who plan it all then have some panics whether it was the right desician - it's normal to worry, its life changing.

 

[KirstyD]

Hi hun,

It is probably the biggest shock you will ever have if you weren't expecting it and shock does take time to subside! You are probaby only just over 4 weeks pregnant just now so still early days and your hormaones are probably all over the place aswell.

I would book an appointment with the GP asap, do you have a friendly one you know a little you can talk to? Tell them what you are feeling and they will give you all the info you need about pregnancy and options you have, they can refer you to someone else if you feel you want to talk to someone further about your decision.

I think at the end of the day as others have said there is never a completely right time to have a baby, you'll always be saying i want to be earning that little bit more or be a little bit better off, or have a bigger house..... I think you'll make do fine, the UK is good in that way as it has lots of benefits and support systems for new parents. In terms of people to talk to you have come to the right place if you are feeling isolated, this forum has loads of lovely people on it with vast experiences and advice to give.

You just need to take money and circumstances out of the equation for a minute and really think 'do i want a baby now?' and you'll have your answer. If you want your baby then the practicalities kick in and you can start thinking about money and if you need more support.

I hope you feel better soon, don't rush yourself, just take some time to let it all sink in.

 

[Lyonsb]

Hi there hun,

I've read your message and I've read the posts that follow but I think that I have something slightly different to say.... I have just found out that I am 7 weeks pregnant with a partner that I have been with for 9 weeks which was obviously a shock, but we are thrilled and wouldn't change it for the world!!! HOWEVER, I have also been in a position where I have found out that I was pregnant in a long-term relationship but it just wasn't right. It is a MASSIVE commitment, not just to the child but to connect yourself with the father for the rest of your life and to financially commit for the rest of your life - well, the majority!

I think that yes, you would no doubt cope and be happy once your baby arrives BUT I would just remind you that there are other options and if you don't feel ready or as though you could give a child everything that it needs then perhaps it isn't the right time. I always think that unless you're at a stage in your life where you KNOW that you have done everything that you want to do and are prepared to stop living selfishly and make sacrifices for your new baby then it probably isn't the right time.

I have the luxury of having a fantastic GP so it's easy for me to discuss things, so I would agree with the above message that you should speak to yours. If you have a close friend or someone that is not going to force their own opinion on you then I would recommend that too.

Good luck! I'm sure that you will make the right decision for yourself hun x x x x x x x x x x x

 

[pacha]

Thanks again for all the responses, they have been so helpful.

I am going to be totally honest and say that the last thing that I want right now is a baby, I am trying to think of all the negatives and positives and for me I cant think of any positives If im having this baby then i'd be having purely because I want to take responsibility for my actions and because I have always thought that I didnt believe in the other option. Its just so different when you're in that position.

 

[Serendipity_]

Do what is right for you.

 

[HollyHobby]

i would just say dont rush into anything yet and make sure youre 100% sure if you dont want to keep it - you can be 60% sure you want to keep it and thats fine though.
I would also say bear in mind abortions can affect your future fertility so research everything, so i would think carefully if you do want a baby some day, and dont asume 5 yrs down the line youll be in any better predicament to make a choice whether or not the time is right.

When we were deciding should we shouldnt we we decided we wouldnt regret a baby but we might regret not having one, so thats how we decided.

good luck whatever you decide but dont rush into anything.

 

[meandthebump]

I'm sorry you're going through a difficult time. It's still very early days in your pregnancy so you don't have to rush any decisions. Give yourself enough time to be sure of your choice, whichever it might be. Best wishes for the future and have one of these

 

[Jaidy]

Thought you might need some hugs

Its early days, give yourself time and whatever decision you make will be the right one

 

[Snuggle]

As others have said hun, have a good think about things and do what is right for you

 

[pacha]

Thanks again, you are all so lovely.

Is it quit normal to be feeling the way I am??..I keep thinking that I should be excited and happy. If it has been a shock is it normal to feel this upset? As I said, Im just praying that I start feeling differently as I'd love to be happy about it and see it as a positive.

I had my docs appointment today, he just gave me a prescription for follic acid and asked me to drop in a urine sample tomorrow. He asked me to have a good think over the weekend and is calling me for a telephone consultation on Wednesday. He was great and very understanding, I was an emotional wreck. I tried so hard to keep it together but didnt quite manage it

 

[Lyonsb]

Hi babe,

It's definitely normal to feel how you are.... it's such a big commitment and a huge shock. Especially I think because guilt plays a big part in your decision and trust me I know that from experience. But that fades and you have to weight up the positives and negatives.

How does your other half feel about things now? Do you have a gut feeling or are your feelings starting to change the longer you get used to it?

All I would say is that if there is even a tiny part of you that thinks you might want to continue your pregnancy then take as long as you can to decide as it would be awful to make the decision not to and then regret it. I guess the only thing I can say is that as scary as it is now, I'm sure that once your baby was here in the world you would probably not change it for the world! BUT if you know you're not ready then you probably already have that gut feeling.

Glad your GP was good and good luck with your decision hun x x x x x