Partner has bi polar

[Emmam1982]

Does anyone have any experience of this? My partner refuses to take medication for it and the mood swings are getting harder to handle he has a c*n* mode which flips into and I've had full force of it today...twice. Once because he put X factor on for me and I said I didn't want to watch it and the other because o forgot to tell my ex that my teenage son was grounded.
Apparently I'm a mug and a puppet, I'm a doormat, he wished a miscarriage on me after getting into my face and told me to have an abortion because otherwise I'd be a single sl*t with 5 kids.he made me sit on the sofa and said he loved to watch me cry and wouldn't let me go to bed cos he said he'd trash my house. He's already damaged his guitar today when he flipped the sofa over during his earlier episode. I don't know how much longer I can cope with the moods. I love him to bits but I despise this side of him.

 

[Pin badge]

I don't have any relationship experience with bipolar but just wanted to say I'm sorry you are going through that.
My best friends DH has bipolar but he swings between low points of despair and being really hyper. He is not aggressive, nasty to her or in the habit of throwing furniture etc. I wonder could there be another issue too? Some sort of anger management problem?
I would pick a lucid moment and try and approach the subject and how it makes you feel when he behaves like that. It's not healthy for you or your other children to be around that behaviour. Xx

 

[Baby2sky]

Sorry but there is no way in hell you should be putting up with this kind of behavior. He needs sitting down and talking to. You need to explain that he NEEDS help with this bipolar as you are NOT prepared to put up with this abuse or let your child grow up seeing this because he wont get help. Personally I would have to leave this situation until I saw him getting help and creating a safe environment for me and my child.

 

[Emmam1982]

He's flipped back round this morning....I knew he would but it doesn't make it any easier at the time.
He's deeply apologetic and has told me that I deserve better. I've told him exactly how he made me feel and that if he has something to say then he needs to discuss it like an adult.
He won't take medication as he says they suppress his moods so feels like a zombie when he's on them.
This is going to take a lot of fixing but at least he knows he's done wrong x

 

[MrsS143]

I can sympathise with meds making you zombie like
Id rather take the hit of rollercoaster mood swings over feeling muted
It doesnt just stop you feeling as crap. You dont feel happiness or anything. Someone could die and youd just shrug your shoulders over it
Its hard
Cos when youre on a low or high you just dont see what youre doing
It doesnt excuse it but you really cant help it

You do have the choice to leave tbough
Just as hes chosen to have the moodswings over feeling mute x

 

[Emmam1982]

Thanks....when he's good which is 90% of the time then it's amazing.
I always said that if rather have it 90% amazing and 10% crap than 100% average.
I'm really hoping that we don't have a repeat of last night...he is deeply sorry this morning and he said he's going to try and suppress some of his anger.
I told him that he scared me me which I think has hit home x

 

[MrsS143]

He can possibly get therapy to help deal with outbursts and reign them in a bit. I dunno if thats a better option x

 

[Becky1]

You might be prepared to take the 90% good 10% bad rather than 100% average but what about when baby is here? That 10% would scare the hell out of a small child. What if he takes his mood out on them?

You shouldn't have to put up with it and he needs to seek help, are there different meds he could try? Therapy, learning better coping mechanisms?

Do you have family and friends that support you and understand the situation you are in who you could turn to if you need them?

You do not have to suffer this abuse - whether caused by his mental health issues or not. xxx

 

[Emmam1982]

He already has a daughter and I have kids aswel, he usually distant's himself if he feels himself turning. I'm not sure what happened yesterday. Sometimes it takes 10 mins to flip back other times it's overnight.
He was horrendously abused as a child in care but it's very rare he'l talk about his problems...I've suggested counselling before but he doesn't like to talk about stuff. I know more than anyone ever has.
I told him it was over last night and that's when he started to calm down...I think the reality suddenly got through his fog.
I'm pleased that I didn't say anything that I would've regretted today...hes used to people retaliating and I won't...when he was pushing and pushing at me about abortion I sat there saying that I would never do it.
I just hope he can try and control it or find new coping mechanisms.
He knows that I won't go through another night like last night again x

 

[Pin badge]

This may come across blunt but if he can distance himself when he feels himself turning in front of the kids then he should be able to do it for you.
I feel for him having a difficult past but you and your kids could be setting up for a difficult future if he's not really prepared to get to the root of his issues.
You sound really strong and sensible, I hope things get better for you.xx

 

[MrsS143]

Not necessarily pin badge
It does need to be taken out on someone
Or else it builds up and he will explode. Likely at the kids.
And we tend to be most horrible to those we are closest to x

 

[Emmam1982]

I really appreciate your input MrsS, it sometimes feels like we're the only ones dealing with it.
The good side is amazing, it's taken him all day to properly snap out of it today...he's just been very short tempered today.

 

[MrsS143]

I dont go to the angry side really
I'm not bipolar
But chemically something isnt right
Im on thyroid medication which massively helps for some reason
I have yoyod a bit though between dead happy and then totally bummed out for no reason and i withdraw from everything
If hubby pushes wrong buttons i do go batshit crazy on him which he expects as hes pushed me to that point
But its very rare that happens now
Therapy on being positive and having good routine and sleep etc all make me far more at peace. Ridding myself of bad people in my life. Getting a better job. Doing nice things for myself... You need to be in a good place within yourself before you can stop flyjng between the extremes
Its like the chemicals in your brain cant regulate between them properly
At the time when i retaliate ... At the time I'll say some mean stuff. Not overly bad to be honest but for me in hindsight i feel terrible about them. But then hubby is mean at times back. The times he holds back (cos he knows i cant help it and don't mean it) the quicker it resolves. But the times he cant help himself it does end up in a total shouting and crying match
I wouldnt be like that with anyone else. We are far nicer to strangers than those we love the most. Mainly because we know they accept us being our true selves... Even if that person isnt very nice at times
He wont mean it. He will feel trully sorry. But he can do more x

 

[Emmam1982]

I blame things like money worries for the mood swings...he reckons it's nothing to do with it but he's an impulse buyer (part of his bipolar) and at the moment he has little money due to losing his job...he doesn't like to be told no and is sometimes like a spoilt child. I've learnt to just sit and listen when he's like that-the same as I do with the kids, I offer the voice of reason. Xx

 

[Pin badge]

Not necessarily pin badge
It does need to be taken out on someone
Or else it builds up and he will explode. Likely at the kids.
And we tend to be most horrible to those we are closest to x

When I said to the OP I had no experience of bipolar in a relationship I didn't mean I had no experience growing up and in later life.

I'll bow out of comments as you seem to have experienced similar things to the OP. Good luck Emmam1982.xx

 

[Unicorn]

All I'd like to add is please don't underestimate the impact domestic abuse (which this is, mental health difficulties or not) has on children. From personally experience, what you may be able to put down to being 'another side' of someone, children cannot, and experiencing aggression like that at an early age is traumatic! xx