Parental responsibility

[diane]

Hi all, not sure if anyone can help with this but here goes...
Basically my nephews father is not involved in his life at all. He hasn't seen him for 2.5 years, since my nephew was 1 month old. He's never supported him financially, bought him Xmas or birthday card/ present or even visited him once. My sister has since discovered that he is a drug dealer, has been arrested for violence and does not have any bank accounts or identity at all and uses an alias. His name is however on my nephews birth certificate, so he has parental responsibility.
My sister wants first of all to change her sons surname to his name, can she legally do this? And also, she is now worried that if anything were to happen to her, her son would automatically go to his father instead of me and my husband as she wants. Is this correct? And if so, can she put something into place to guarantee that he would never be given her son? Thanks all x

 

[VikkiR]

Will he not sign the form to absolve pr?

 

[Mellymoomin06]

I would imagine she would have to go through a solicitor and explain situation and have something written up to override this. hope she sorts it xx

 

[Jayceesmumma]

She will have to go to court to change the surname as I'm sure she wouldn't be able to get written consent for a deed poll.. I done this over two years ago and the courts have messed me about.. He didn't turn up to the hearing but I took his mother with me and she agreed that they would be better off with my name but they still wanted to find him through the CSA. My solicitor has tried to make contact with the courts to get another hearing but they just arent doing anything.. So my advice would to be go to court and keep pushing for it if they give her any trouble.. Hopefully she will get a good judge.. My girls hadn't seen him for over two years at that point my middle child was only 4weeks old when he left too. You can talk to a solicitor about what happens if something happens to her and get it in writing that her child will go to you.. He wouldn't be able to just have him because he doesn't know this man.. Most he would get is supervised access for an hour or so a fortnight in a contact centre..
I hope this helps, and I hope she can get his name changed easier than me!!

 

[x_MrsE_x]

http://www.deedpoll.org.uk/CanIChangeMyChildsName.html

^ That has info about changing names without the fathers consent...

Get her to get a residence order and while applying for one she can put in that he never goes to the father and goes to you.
I'm lucky that if anything happens to me my girls will stay with my husband as hes on the residence order.

 

[Jayceesmumma]

^^ be aware that the passport office may not accept the deed poll.. They wouldn't accept mine which is why I had to go to court..

 

[So_hopeful81]

Good thread - I want to change my daughters name ... I will look into this!

 

[Jayceesmumma]

Good luck hun! I'm going to keep pushing my solicitor.. Going to request it be moved to a different court.. The one it's with are crap!!

 

[diane]

Thanks all for the help and good luck to all of you going through the same thing! Seems like such a nightmare, what is it with these dead beat dads who aren't involved but just won't do the right thing and sign over pr? X

 

[cosmicgirl]

I changed my sons name legally without fathers consent as we weren't married and he was not in the picture. Never had any probs, didn't need a solicitor and he is now 14 and his passport has always been in his "new" name x

 

[Jayceesmumma]

I'm glad you had such a positive experience cosmic! I've just renewed Ellie's passport in her old name and it really upsets me that I just can't change her name the passport office wouldn't accept the deed poll for Jaycees name change even when I supplied them with proof of prohibited steps order and court proof he's not been involved in their lives! That was three years ago now! It's so frustrating I don't want to have to buy her a whole new passport.. If I manage to get her name changed do u think I'll have to pay for a whole new passport?? It arrived this week!
I wish I could get PR signed over I really do!!!

 

[cosmicgirl]

I think I had to pay some sort of fee to change his name on his passport but as I say, he's 14 now and this was about 13 years ago now!
I'd love to change my other sons name, he's my ex husbands. Now we've had no contact with the horrid ex husband for just over one year now but I don't think I'll be allowed, even though he now has nothing to do with him!
It's ironic that a parent who has zero contact with a child for soooo long can still dictate what happens so much x

 

[Jayceesmumma]

Exactly!! They should automatically give up their rights after a certain amount of time!! It's disgusting!! I hope you can get your other sons name changed too! All three of my kids have different surnames to me (2dads) and its horrible!
My ex blatantly wants nothing to do with these girls he's even making them do a DNA test in a couple of weeks to avoid paying the measily £8 a week for them both thru the CSA!!! Makes me sick!

 

[cosmicgirl]

My ex husband dragged me through the courts for over a year, costing us both thousands, won contact, kept it up for a short while and then once he realised that it wouldn't be me dropping off my son and he wouldn't get contact with me he just dropped him. Haven't seen or heard from him for over a year.
Why drag me through court? It was all to get at me and keep seeing me in some sick way. He was never interested in his son. Yet he still has all these rights to dictate what I do with my son x

 

[Jayceesmumma]

Oh babe I know exactly how that feels!! My ex isn't interested in the kids at all just me!! I hate saying that coz it makes me sound big headed lol but I'm glad I'm not the only one!! (obv I wouldn't wish it on anyone and I'm sorry you've had to go thru this too just good to know I'm not alone!)
My ex didn't want girls either so that's another reason I finally got rid of him when Ellie was 4 weeks old (Dom violence relationship) and he hadn't seen them since.. I even took him to court for the prohibited steps order and opened the door for solicitors to get him some contact but he didn't bother.. His mum told me he changed so I thought I was wrong to keep them from him with no valid reason so I stupidly gave him another chance with them.. Invited him to Ellie's second bday and he didn't show up.. Then he came to visit at his mums and his preg fiancée made him take a spy phone with him he saw them once a week for 6 months then asked for me back and I said no (he had married by this point and had a boy on the way) and I said no just see the kids and he said not without seeing me.. And that was it. Really messed with my eldests head and I hate myself for doing that to her. And Ellie wouldn't have even known who he was if I hasn't given him that chance.. I really hate myself an his mum for that!!