panicking

[kat123]

hi
i am recently pregnant.
I have been with my partner 9 months. We decided to try for a baby. He said it was what he wanted, it is definitely what I wanted - so we tried and it worked. Maybe a little sooner than expected but we are both older and no previous children.
I am becoming more and more hormonal and more scared as time passes as he is making no commitment to be with me. We were talking about living together and were trying to figure out the logistics. When I discovered I was pregnant, the only solution was for him to move into my property (his is currently let, and his current flat is a sublet) The first week I discovered I was pregnant, he stayed at his flat every night as he had a bad cold. I went to stay with him over the weekend and we argued. The following week he did not come to see me - I did meet him after a long days work one evening as he was at a party nearby. I stayed for over an hour and then said I was tired and could we leave. He said I could go home alone and he would meet me at mine later. I had to explain to him that he should be looking out for me - not sending me off late at night with heavy work bags to carry. So he conceded and left and we didnt speak on the way home. The next evening he went out to a bar with friends - and we argued on the phone. He accidentally left a voicemail on my answerphone saying 'She was hot - I just scored' not realising that he had recorded this as he did not know the phone had connected. This sent me into a complete state. I have been very upset with him. He did come to a dinner party with me on the Friday, but again, it took me 1 1/2 hours to get him to leave and an argument over an £8.00 taxi.
This pregnancy has wiped me out - something I did not expect. I have asked him in every conceivable way to be around more, pack a bag and move in to help out. I hate going through this alone and feel more and more like he is just acting like a selfish teenager. We
spoke at the weekend, he was more caring and I really thought the penny had dropped, yet by Monday he was at the gym and staying at his, Tuesday he went round to a friends, tonight he is at Kung Fu and Friday and Saturday evenings will be spent DJing.
I feel very low, like I am getting no support and doing everything alone.
I dont know how to deal with this anymore. When I speak to him I get upset and he hangs up. He says he does not want to be around me when I am upset like this, yet I am upset like this because he is not around supporting me.
The first week I did call him and say I was finding it very hard being alone every night and morning and I would really like him around. Now all I find myself doing is shouting as I am so angry and upset that he is not supporting me.
How do I resolve this?

 

[pregpixie76]

i think u need to ask him why he is really avoiding you.... from your post is seems like the thought of being a father v's the reality is to much for him to handle. the fact you dont already live together but planned a baby is a very odd situation in the first place.ask him to stop making excuses and tell you if this relationship and baby is what he wants.better to find out now and decide what you want than to wait untill later.talk to friends or family in the meantime for support and advice.i hope things work out for u either way.xx

 

[angelmma]

I agree with pregpixie, u need to ask him y he's avoiding u. Try to talk to him without getting upset, at the end of the day he's being really selfish, and not taking your needs and feelings into consideration. If he doesn't change then maybe it'd be best to suggest a break so that u can concentrate on yourself and the baby without having to worry about him, maybe that would give him a wake up call. Did u ask him about the voicemail? Tbh if that was my OH and I heard him saying hed scored then that would be it over for me. He should be concentrating on you chick, it's no wonder you're getting upset chick. Really hope it works out chick xxx

 

[Geminiblue]

Kat how you feelong today hun? xxx

 

[pixie17]

i agree, i think the reality has hit him and he doesnt know how to deal with it. however, that is no excuse for the awful and irresponsibleway he has been treating you. i would suggest you take some time apart. ask him to be honest with himself and you about he is feeling, then leave him alone for a bit so he can figure his feelings out. i know this may seem a bit scary to do as you clearly (and quite rightly) need his support but all he is doing at the moment is upsetting you. give it a deadline in your own mind (but dont tell him) so that you know if you havent heard from him or not heard what you want from him by a certain point in time, then make the decision that you have to look out for yourself. you have a baby on the way and if you decide to go it alone, you need to start planning. i really hope that things work out and he comes to his senses, but if not it is better that you know sooner rather than later. good luck xx

 

[Maria1977]

He is behaving like a child and selfish child at that! I would defo ask him what the problem is, that you both went into this together, as adults making informed choices and now he's behaving like this? If he won't or doesn't give an acceptable answer I would just back off and leave him to it.

Sorry that you are having to go through this virtually on your own, wish you all the best xxxx