Other peoples opinions on recurrent miscarriage

[lisey]

Hi all,

I took my son to his classmates house today. Myself and the other mum get on well and chat all the time. She knows about my miscarriages as she told me that she had miscarriages too. I felt I was able to speak to her because 'I thought' it would be a sympathetic ear.
On our first conversation about it she was saying how all my Mc's have been with my current partner and do I know 'some people just can't have babies together'...the consultant at the RMC brought this up without me even saying anything and said its total rubbish and there is no such thing.
So today she asked how everything was going, I told her all tests were clear and that its down to bad luck. "Rubbish" she said!! I explained that I have had all the tests and everything was normal. She went on ask several times, 'well what are they going to do next time, what are they going to do to stop it happening again'!!! I said that there was nothing they can do because there is nothing to treat. She said its total rubbish and of course there is....Yes, there are things that can be done if there is an issue but I don't have anything to give treatment for. I think the RMC consultant knows better than her, its one of the top RMC's in London and I trust them but its just left me feeling deflated, like she was saying there HAS to be a reason and it will happen again.
So sorry for the rant but I just need to get it out. I won't be speaking to her again about any of it as she just makes me feel worse xx

 

[Clementine]

Hi Lisey, please ignore her completely your consultant at the RMC is correct. I know from experience that having more than one miscarriage makes you question if it will keep happening. All my tests and my husbands tests came back clear all was good. Although my Progesterone is fine and I don't have the condition that requires aspirin my Obstet. has recommended that if I get another BFP he will start me on these as they should do no harm.

My consultant said that Mother Nature looks after us if the baby is not strong enough or has a chromosonal problem, most chromosonal problems result in a loss or MMC before 12 weeks. I have lost 3 angels and I believe that for whatever reason it was not their time also I have drawn some solace that it happened in the first trimester. It is a devastating experience but I believe if we keep trying we will get our strong healthy baby bean. Our time will come, I wish you lots of best wishes, don't give up hope and avoid people who tell negative stories. Xx

 

[lisey]

Thanks for your lovely response. She made me feel like I was a terrible person for believing them. I mean what does she expect me to do, pluck up a care program out of thin air for a condition that I don't have.
I hope we get our super strong beans very soon and thanks again xx

 

[Hopeful75]

Hi Lisey,
You'd think that someone who had also experienced mc would have a) more knowledge and b) more sensitivity, tact and diplomacy! I know I've had to explain to my mum several times that it is highly unlikely a cause for my rmc will ever be found and she can't quite believe that the advice given is, in the simplest of forms, to keep trying and hope one sticks. To be fair, it's something I've struggled to come to terms with- I'm one of those people who is determined to find a simple solution to problems! I think it's just that we expect medical science to have found the answer to so many problems, that when science hasn't got there yet, we can't believe it.
Keep the faith that you have in your consultant- he/she has your best interests at heart and there is no earthly reason to mislead you in any way.
Fingers crossed that every women who has the misfortune to experience rmc gets the chance to be a mum- let's hope ours come soon!

 

[lisey]

Thanks for your lovely reply. Yes you would think she would be kinder with her approach, its such a sensitive and emotive subject, it really baffles me that she could be quite so cold about it.
I am going to ignore her comments and keep the faith that one day it will all work out and like you say, I hope it happens for every lady that has had the heartache of miscarriages x