OH in the Forces?

[orangefluff]

Hi everyone

I was just wondering if there are any ladies on here in a similar position to me.

I'm married to a soldier, we've been together for 7 years, wed for 3. This is my 1st pregnancy and we're both very happy about it but there is a cloud hanging over us which is that he's off to Afghanistan in September for 6 months. I'm due in November - he should be able to get back for it and if I go into labour early they will get him on a flight to come back. (the M/W told me not to put all my faith in that though as sometimes they need them to stay there or the next flight might not be for 10 days or something). After he comes back he'll have to go back again for the rest of the tour.

I just have so many emotions about all this - I feel sad that he'll miss out on so much, sad that he might not be there for me at the birth, scared to have a baby to look after all by myself (my family and friends are all pretty far away), and also scared for him to be going back to Afghan, terrified everyday I'll get that knock on the door.

If anyone else is in this situation I'd love to hear your thoughts, and if you've been through it how did you cope? Any tips?

xxx

 

[frankie707]

DH and me are in the forces, he's a mine clearance diver (although if all goes well I will be leaving soon!).
I am due mid december and DH is being sent away for 7-8months from end of november! Rubbish timing. So I will be in same position with hoping that he can get back for his 2 weeks leave in time for the birth. Both of us are quite unsure about it all - it was going to happen at some stage but this means that I will have to be a single mum for 6-7 months and he is going to miss so much and he is worrried that when he comes back the baby wont know him and he wont know what to do.
At the moment I am just focusing on getting to 12 week scan but whenever I think about further than that it is sad. We're not even sure if he will be able to come to any of the scans.
Oh the joys of being married to the forces!

 

[wirenth]

aww bless you both xx

i not in the same position as such but my OH is TA so he can pick and choose when and if he goes anywhere as long as he does his (i believe) 19 meetings, 2 weekends and 2 week annual camp. but not having to worry too much about it atm as he is still trying to find a base down here that is engineers coz we were in derbyshire before and now we moved to dorset so he has to transfer to a base down here at some point.

 

[orangefluff]

Hi Frankie, oh yes I remember you saying before that you're both in the forces. What do you do?

It is totally sods law that the timing has worked out like this, I'm sure you feel the same!! I am really happy about it though and wouldn't change being PG for anything but I never imagined that it would be the way it's going to be. I'm like you in that I'm just looking to the 12 week scan. Thinking too far ahead always involves thinking that he won't be here, it's very hard not to keep reminding him of that too and I fel awful when I do bcause I know he is hurting about knowing what he's going to miss. I can't help it sometimes though - like today the lady from my local NCT class rang up to see if I wanted to take the place I had enquired about. Realising that the classes are in October so he def won't be here made me so sad, especially having to ask if people go on their own to them because that's prob what I would have to do. I know that neither me nor him ever imagined that we wouldn't be able to go through all the things together.

I do think positively though about keeping him involved while he's away with pics and every litle gory detail! And that when the tour ends he will have alot of time off. I wouldn't change being PG for anything and that's what matters.

Still hard though.....!!

 

[frankie707]

I'm a weather forecaster.
Yeah, I'm just going to keep him as involved as possible - thank goodness for e-mail.
He is going to record himself reading books whenever he is away for me to then play to LO.
I really want a lovely photo of him with newborn LO which I'll then put next to baby's crib while he's away - no idea if it will help baby recognise him but it will help the two of us feel he is more involved.
Thing is our OHs being in the forces means that they will always be sent away and miss things, all we can do is keep them as involved as possible and stay strong.

 

[JJ Mum]

Ahh girls that's a tricky one for you all.

I know nothing about the forces or what conditions or set up they have at the other end

Can they take a mini laptop with them for the evenings? As I have a mini one and it has a web cam thing on the screen, haven't really worked out how to use it yet, but then you could have family time each evening with baby on the webcam so they don't miss a day and baby sees and hears the OH's
If that doesn't work that far away, you could record like that and email the attachment perhaps?

worth looking into rather than just normal email

 

[frankie707]

They dont have connectivity like that when they are away but I will definitely be sending him photos over e-mail (pretty sure they cant get video through) and then send him out videos on dvd in the post along with printed out photos and hand/foot prints, basically anything to make him feel connected to us as a family.

 

[JJ Mum]

oh DVD's great so he can see your baby moving and hear them too then - ahhh

 

[frankie707]

Oh I can't wait

 

[JJ Mum]

Your'll have to post him a nappy every time he/she moves up into the next size so he can see the size changes first hand.

A clean one I mean!

Oh and little socks in the post, ahh

 

[frankie707]

Brilliant ideas - hadn't thought of those. He shares a small cabin with another guy - there will probably come a point where it gets full of baby stuff

 

[orangefluff]

Your'll have to post him a nappy every time he/she moves up into the next size so he can see the size changes first hand.

A clean one I mean!

Oh and little socks in the post, ahh

Thanks JJ, lovely ideas! I have to say I haven't thought too much about what I'm going to do to keep him involved when he's away as I'm still at the stage of worrying - as soon as I've my 12 week scan next week and it's ok I'm hoping I'll be able to relax and start planning things!
When he was there last year he had quite a bit of access to the internet as he's a photographer and they provided him with his own laptop and connection in order to send his pics to the press. So I actually got to chat to him on MSN and we were even able to do webcam which was amazing as helped me feel so much closer to him. Really surreal seeing him over there though!! So I'm hoping things will be the same this time, it would be brilliant to be able to webcam with him and show him LO.
And yes I think I'll be videoing everything and he'll have a tonne of DVDs in the post!