OH from prefect to pain in my arse

[tabbi]

My OH was the prefect bloke he tided up, cooked cleaned, everything. but since having the baby all he will do is change nappies even then he has to be asked loads of times to do it.
i told him clean the bottles as he left them on the side for a day along with the dishes from the night before from tea which i cooked along with lunchtimes dishes again that i cooked. he cleaned them then started sertizling them only to leave them in water for 2 days.
now i do cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing, raising the kids, booking appiontments for doctors everything all he does is get up with the kids to give me 5 minutes to myself.
but thats it, even then i have to wake him up everything, he now does nothing and hez wonders why i am stressed.
I had such ago at him earlier as he'd been feeling sick instead of him throwing up in the toilet which was right infront of him he went into the bathroom and threw up in the bath instead.
where is the common sense here. its done my nut in
i dont care that he is ill as he hadnt even told me yet he still kissed the kids after been sick and then told me.
I yelled till i couldnt breath anymore and told him get out of the house before i do something i regert.
he gone his folks until friday
since he has gone the house is much cleaner kids are fine put in bed on time, fed on time all of it. just seems like its easier for him to move out as i can do everything better on my own and give the kids a more sable enviroment. the only problem is i have no friends/family down here and on my todd him and his family are the only ones i know.

some help please ladies x x x

 

[Kayelle]

Sorry i have no advice but think you need a . X x

 

[tabbi]

believe me i do, cant wait for the birmingham meet going to be ace. finally someone other than his family x x x

 

[BevG]

its much easier cos u do it all yourself without expecting or having to wait for him to help you. u just do it automatically cos there is noone there to help you.

id have a serious chat with him and explain that your life has been much easier since he left, not cos you have help or cos you dont have him there but simpley cos you dont feel let down by him not doing anything around the place. its like having one less kid lol. obviously its not something u do on a whim or temper to give up on a relationship but good on you for being strong and putting your foot down. now to see if you can make him see the light or if u have more freedom lol

 

[VikkiR]

^^^^ totally agree xx

 

[Betharoo]

Hey, I'm normally a lurker but i felt that i could have written that post a couple of years ago. I was in the same position that i moved 400 miles to live near to my then partners family and away from my own. He wouldn't lift a finger but blamed his stressful part time job in a shop *hmmmm*. One day i'd had enough as I already had 3 kids under 4 and didnt need another haha. After a few days apart he came back all sorry, flowers, chocs, wine, babysitter and all that and we had a really good chat about everything. He did step up for a few months but i wanted to be his partner not his mum! We split and although it was hard for the first 6 months, it gets loads better.

I'm not saying chuck him though just sit him down and explain all what you do and depending on how much work he does he needs to pull his weight or you wont carry him anymore. He should understand how you feel and no one should have to do everything if they're in a relationship.

You say you've got no friends or family near but could you go back to where you're from with the kids for a bit? Or have someone come to you? Least then you'd get a bit of a break and the kids would get spoiled by family. Or what i'd prob do is when he gets back leave him with both kids for the day and see how he likes it! If your little one is bottle fed then he'll be fine, as long as you trust him? Go get your hair done, nails, go shopping, have lunch or just do whatever you want and return after bedtime to see how he got on? That'll prob give him the shock of what you do daily and you should see a change in him, well if he's worth keeping anyway.

 

[Betharoo]

Hope you can sort things out today hun x

 

[tabbi]

he's not coming back now til monday now...the only time i needed him for something he good at and he wasnt here....the huge house spider that is somewhere in my living room so am waiting for his brother who lives not too far away to try get it.

And ladies i have tryed everything even staying with my family for a week...but its always the same and sick to the teeth of it. as i told him last night i only need him here for the spider problems thats it lol
i have no way to move back though ladies as i dont drive and i will struggle to find anyw.here for me and the kids in stoke on trent....plus its a shit hole lol x x x

 

[Betharoo]

Oh no, any chance he's the youngest? Mummy boy? Oh and you don't need a man for spiders, i got a thing from amazon and it catches it and has a long pole so you don't have to get too close haha. I don't know why any bloke would want to lose their gf and kids. Is he really worth the hassle? Hey Stoke might be a shithole but wouldnt you then have the support of your family and friends? What's his excuse this time, trust me i've heard them all...

 

[tabbi]

had one its rubbish. and he is youngest but a twin too. i wouldnt move back to stoke if my life depended on it. after everything that happened there i'd rather live some where else. am talking to my sister about it and she agree's i need to do something and soon...so are suggesting places to move inbe3tween stoke on trent and high wycombe...the only place i can think of is brum. I have hardly any friends in stoke anyway as i had to call social servies on them as they neglected there kids so they got taken into care and adpoted because of them basically.

i am the only one out of my old group of friends who still has there children and no soical servies its a joke. plus they are out for me and they cant get me where they dont know where i live x x x

 

[tabbi]

Its got more of a joke, while he has been gone the house is clean and tidy nothing out of place apart from kids toys but thats to be expected. he said he would be back this morning as there is a huge spider in the living room lol. he said he's get here for 10am....am still waiting now for him to turn up.
he said there was a power cut, then he apparently waited nearly 2 hours for a bus from asda which are every 15 minutes i checked. he just got on the bus to come back he said he's been tidying his bedroom all the time he's been there.
So i rang his mum and asked wednesday when he got there him and his brothers went see the new batman film. then got drunk when they got back in...he woke up yesterday at 2pm to play xbox with his brothers until early hours of this morning whilst getting drunk. he has the nreve to lie to me about it all too.

if it wasnt for the fact i cant stand spiders i'd tel him fuck off and not come back.

its the fact he lied to me about what he has done....i havent had a night without children in over a year, yet he does everytime he visits his family, but when i visit mine kids come with me.
its the fact that i am the one raising the kids and keeping the place tidy while trying get back into education, yet i am doing it all by myself with no help anywhere.
he is meant to be helping me and he's not he's making it worse by him been here

i just want scream
x x x

 

[Betharoo]

How about oxford? It's far nicer than Brum! I went to uni there and glad i got out tbh. No offence to any Brummies and it's like any area has it's good and bad bits.

 

[Betharoo]

Oh and does he know how serious you are? Does he know you're thinking of leaving him? Does he know you know he's lied? Hasn't his mum said anything about him stopping and his responsibilities? Why move inbetween? I'm prob a right bitch, but when i split with my ex i moved further away than my hometown so my ex has a good 450 miles to travel. I just moved the best place for me and my children. How about Manchester if you fancy a big city and from what i saw nicer than Brum. You're OH doesn't seem to care as you moved all the way to be with him and he acts like a child. I'd make him suffer haha.

 

[BevG]

lol id suggest moving to wales purely selfish tho just so i can get a new friend

 

[tabbi]

not wales as a few of my ex mates live there, manchester already lived there when i was younger had a gun pulled on me. oxford...too near medical testing grounds and i am scraed of a zombie attack i know thats silly but i suffer nasty nightmares and have panic attacks about them lol.
he knows i am serious i told him to read everything that has been put...he's not happy with himself to say the least.
i left him with the kids for an hour well i went drop my daughters old clothes to a friend for her daughter who a year younger ended up staying an hour i got back place was a mess bout kids screaming

he was trying to make them both have a bath and failing lol...he is now doing the ironing hahaha lets see if he can do it right x x x

 

[Betharoo]

Well at least he's came back before Monday and how wrong can ironing go? Just make sure you sit down and work out what jobs you want him to do to make it more equal and obv put the jobs you hate in his list . Make sure he's not pulling a fast one and doing the job wrongly so you get annoyed and just do it yourself.

Now the kids are back at school next week can you join and parent and toddler/baby groups? Least you might be able to make some friends an then who knows you could have nights out and what not .

Least if he's read this then he knows how you feel and other women, he's had a lynching haha. So has he apologised for going home and just getting drunk, playing games and going out for a couple of days? He's lucky he has you, I'd have prob given him the boot long before! If he's old enough to have kids with you he's old enough to be a proper dad and not seeming like a selfish teenager.

As for areas, Stratford, Worcester and Warwick are nice.

 

[Betharoo]

Hope the kick up the arse has worked hun x