OH and Mum fallen out

[Coolbeans2010]

I had a horrible afternoon yesterday! My OH launched into a foul mood with my mother over the way she has apparently spoken to him. I didn't know anything about this as was not there at the time but I think my mum has been worried about me because of my SPD and said something like 'make sure you look after Jemma' anyway mum made a comment about Sunday lunch and asked if I had help doing the dishes - not in a nasty way at all and OH went completely mental.

He was so rude to my mum and then he phoned his parents to tell them all about it. He was shouting at me too. Anyway long story short he finally spoke to my mum told her why he was upset and she apologised. Then yet again he is on the phone to his parents to tell them all about it.

I was in tears all night and couldn't sleep. My mum has done so much for us.

I feel sad because if my mum has upset my OH with something she has said whether intentional or not I agree he should raise it with her, but the way he went about it was so horrible and I know my mum will be in a right state about it. I spoke to my Dad who said he would let it go to keep the peace but he is not having OH speak to my mum like that again.

OH has apologised to me but won't apologise to my mum. I'm very close to my parents and I dont want there to be a rift in the family. Just feel sick about it all.

Sorry to moan ladies!

 

[roxane 1985]

that is terrible, if he hasa problem he should sit down and discuss it like a grown up, the last thing you need is loads of tension especially while pregnant. not to mention the fact it could cause a big rift and this is the time you need your mom the most.

i think the least your ohcould do is say sorry to your mom and be civil, im sorry if im out of line in saying this but behaving like that is disgusting and if my oh ever spoke to mymom like that and wouldnt say sorry he get a flipping frying pan right round the head lol

 

[Coolbeans2010]

Not out of turn at all, I completely agree. My sister was there at the time of the so called incident, she would be the first one to say if my mum had spoke out of turn but she said it was all innocent and can't understand why he was offended.

I think what hurts is one he wont apologise and two that he has got straight in the phone to his parents to tell them to which there reaction was asking OH to go and stay with them for a few days!

I can't stop crying when I think about it. My mum is so caring and I know she won't have slept last night worrying. I feel stuck the middle and I know my mum will be afraid to speak to him for a while now.

 

[roxane 1985]

thats the sort of thing my ex would have done.

tell your partner exactly how you feel, and see what he has to say

dont aargue just calmly explain to him what it isdoing, if he flips at that then he isnt worth it

 

[Coolbeans2010]

Yeah i think i will sit down with him tonight. He is my husband and I love him but he is also very very stubborn so not sure I will get very far. My parents are off on holiday next week for 2 weeks so I hope things will calm down and they can make up.

 

[positivity :)]

that's horrible, i'd be devestated if my OH done that to my mum x

 

[roxane 1985]

yh the reak may help give things time to settle. but if your not happy you must say something at the end of the day there is only ever going to be one person who will support you through thick and thin and thats your mom

just like you will be the one person your child/ren can always count on xx

 

[Coolbeans2010]

I'm totally devastated! My mum has been there a lot for my OH. His parents emigrated to the other side of the world for 4 years and my parents looked after him like their own. That's why it hurts so much.

His parents came back in June and now he treats my mum like that!

 

[redbear]

I dont think he should have kicked off and shouted but i dont think you should get upset when he calls his parents... even if they moved away for four years there still his parents and he has the right to phone them day and night and bitch if he wants to thats what parents are for...
Do you live with your parents? I think its hard to live with the other half parents anyway and in his eyes maybe your mum was making little dig's at him for a while and its built up? I know if my other half mum even suggested i wasn't taking care of him i would hit the roof- no one should ever try to get involved with other peoples relationships ever... sorry to be devils advokate xx

 

[1986princess]

I'd be upset too if it was me Hun as I'm close to my parents and they have done alot for us also. Hopefully it will all resolve itself now x

 

[Coolbeans2010]

Thanks redbear. I completely agreed with my OH that if my mum had said something which offended him he should talk to her about it - it is the way in which he did it that upset me. My mum is not unreasonable and listened and apologised - the shouting and the nastiness was uncalled for.

Again, I would not expect him to not tell his parents either - it just wasn't helpful that he did it mid row!

We have our own house and never lived with any of our parents.

 

[redbear]

Yeh maybe he should have calmed himself down more and bit his toungue untill you got home and then mentioned to you he was unhappy about whatever your mum said, Shouting at your parents isn't going to help anything!
Also i think he should have waited to call his mum and maybe if he had he wouldn't have bothered ringing at all...
I thought you must live with your parents because then it gets hard to bite your toungue but if you live alone there is no reason he couldn't wait until later and vented to you...
I dont disagree with you at all i was just trying to look at his point of view but really i think its all down to anger at the time and maybe you could tell him if your mum say's anything wait tell you and you will have a little word with her not turn it into WW3 lol xx

 

[Coolbeans2010]

That's exactly what I am going to say.

I think I'll come at it from the point of view that I am upset that mum has offended him but also upset by the way it was handled.

I can't imagine he would be happy if I did that to his parents!

I feel a bit better now so thanks ladies - very hard when they are both the most important people in my life and I love them so much!

 

[Lilmoomin]

I can see why you are upset hun, I would be! Thankfully my hubby would never do that to my mum, otherwise I would do the same as Roxane! Frying pan around the head to knock a bit of sense into him!!
I hope he see's sense and apologizes to your mum. I think you should tell him how you feel x x

 

[Olive]

Hope you're ok hun. I'd be upset if my OH spoke to my Mum badly. Sure she winds him up sometimes (she can be a bit outspoken) but she doesn't do it intentionally. Hope you manage to sort it out

xxx