Hi,
My sister had her first baby 5 weeks ago. I knew she wanted a couple of weeks at home first before any visitors, so we kept our distance but remained in contact and had pictures of the baby sent to us on WhatsApp.
I said we'd make plans to come up when the baby was between 4-6 weeks old so that (a) she'd had time to heal and get into a routine, and (b) we could see the baby before a family wedding in June when the baby would be 10 weeks old already.
She doesn't live locally - that's a choice she made. It's a 10 hour round trip in the car. Probably longer for us as we only have a small car that needs to be refuelled twice on the way up. I have a health condition which means I should be couped up in a car for that long.
Every time I tried to make plans to either get the train for a day-stay in their town or drive up and stay in a B&B overnight, she'd find an excuse for us not to do it. Then she said if we did come up we'd only be welcome for an hour because she's "so ill" and tired all the time. She even used my health condition as an excuse for me to not come up.
However, I've since learned that the world and his dog have all been round there or have made plans to see her over the next few weeks... so why aren't we welcome? We've never officially been invited, either.
I feel so unwelcome. My husband is a good man. The best, even. I don't know what we've done wrong that we don't deserve an invitation to see the baby. It's not that we feel 'entitled' or anything, but everyone else has been round apart from us! We're obviously not that highly rated on the family hierarchy.
Me and my husband are currently taking numerous therapies to see if we can have children - I'm in the WTT and TTC forums and have commented about that previously. We each have our own health problems. Basically we've been told we can remain positive and keep trying out all the therapies and hormones, but it probably won't ever happen for us unless we pay through the nose for IVF. That's something we didn't want to go through anyway because it's very invasive and painful. It's also incredibly expensive and frankly not affordable in our lifetime. It might not even work after going through all that. It's not like they give you a refund guarantee if it doesn't work!
I honestly feel like crying. Isn't it cruel enough we have health conditions, and it's preventing us from having our own family, then we're faced with being completely unwelcome by our own siblings when they have their own babies.
I only have 1 other nephew. We don't have a relationship with him because we were never welcome to see him as a baby. Now whenever we see them, only ever at family events, we just ignore them because it's too awkward and we don't want to cause a fight. Any time I open my mouth she takes offence. I could cough too loud and I'm trying to make her sick. That's what she's like, you can't win even by retreating.
She's a very spoiled woman and very manipulative. My brother is her pet puppet. He does all her bidding for her and communicates everything she says to us in a patronising tone like its a set of terms and conditions of being in the same room as them. It's not his words, they're hers and they're hurtful. (Also, that's not representative of love, that's control)
You're not allowed to talk to their son or hold him without their approval. He's 4 years old now. We haven't been able to make a bond with him and he actually doesn't even know who we are. It's quite sickening really.
When he was 6 weeks old, we still had not been invited round to see him, so my mum called us up and told us to go round there, as they were on their way. Only, when we got there the mother wasn't expecting us and made it clear we were not welcome. She complained she didn't have enough chairs for everyone - even though they have dining chairs, they're just covered in junk all the time. She ignored us as much as possible until my brother gave me the baby to hold. She immediately came over and took him away and he started crying because she'd snatched him up.
When he was 2 they invited us round for Christmas, but because we didn't bring toys for the child (we bought them Stollen and chocolate) they never invited us round again. They don't even call. This was after we brought back an expensive Ralph Lauren outfit from America before the baby was born, which they gleefully took home and we never saw it again.
We asked for a picture of our nephew in his outfit, which never materialised - probably because she sold it for money online. My mum asked them again on my behalf and was told "We can't give them what we don't have"
Am I going to have the same relationship with my sister?
Because she seems to get along royally with my brothers wife, who is generally disliked by my entire family because of the way she behaves. (At my cousins wedding reception she was handing out invitations to her own wedding, in front of the bride, then one Christmas she SO didn't want to visit us that she screamed at my brother, jumped into the drivers seat then hot footed it out the driveway all the way back home. My brother was left in tears in front of my husband who was visiting my family for the first time, who felt so awkward he had to leave the house for half an hour)
I understand first-time mums are obviously protective over their baby, but don't then allow all your a-list chums to pass them around like a hot potato then not allow their z-list aunt to hold them let alone come round to see him/her unless it's for presents - it's just plain cruel.
I just wanted to get this off my chest, because I'm having counselling for my own problems and have just gone back to work after having 7 weeks off to grieve. Essentially I had a breakdown from severe depression.
I could do without all this really, but there you are.
My sister had her first baby 5 weeks ago. I knew she wanted a couple of weeks at home first before any visitors, so we kept our distance but remained in contact and had pictures of the baby sent to us on WhatsApp.
I said we'd make plans to come up when the baby was between 4-6 weeks old so that (a) she'd had time to heal and get into a routine, and (b) we could see the baby before a family wedding in June when the baby would be 10 weeks old already.
She doesn't live locally - that's a choice she made. It's a 10 hour round trip in the car. Probably longer for us as we only have a small car that needs to be refuelled twice on the way up. I have a health condition which means I should be couped up in a car for that long.
Every time I tried to make plans to either get the train for a day-stay in their town or drive up and stay in a B&B overnight, she'd find an excuse for us not to do it. Then she said if we did come up we'd only be welcome for an hour because she's "so ill" and tired all the time. She even used my health condition as an excuse for me to not come up.
However, I've since learned that the world and his dog have all been round there or have made plans to see her over the next few weeks... so why aren't we welcome? We've never officially been invited, either.
I feel so unwelcome. My husband is a good man. The best, even. I don't know what we've done wrong that we don't deserve an invitation to see the baby. It's not that we feel 'entitled' or anything, but everyone else has been round apart from us! We're obviously not that highly rated on the family hierarchy.
Me and my husband are currently taking numerous therapies to see if we can have children - I'm in the WTT and TTC forums and have commented about that previously. We each have our own health problems. Basically we've been told we can remain positive and keep trying out all the therapies and hormones, but it probably won't ever happen for us unless we pay through the nose for IVF. That's something we didn't want to go through anyway because it's very invasive and painful. It's also incredibly expensive and frankly not affordable in our lifetime. It might not even work after going through all that. It's not like they give you a refund guarantee if it doesn't work!
I honestly feel like crying. Isn't it cruel enough we have health conditions, and it's preventing us from having our own family, then we're faced with being completely unwelcome by our own siblings when they have their own babies.
I only have 1 other nephew. We don't have a relationship with him because we were never welcome to see him as a baby. Now whenever we see them, only ever at family events, we just ignore them because it's too awkward and we don't want to cause a fight. Any time I open my mouth she takes offence. I could cough too loud and I'm trying to make her sick. That's what she's like, you can't win even by retreating.
She's a very spoiled woman and very manipulative. My brother is her pet puppet. He does all her bidding for her and communicates everything she says to us in a patronising tone like its a set of terms and conditions of being in the same room as them. It's not his words, they're hers and they're hurtful. (Also, that's not representative of love, that's control)
You're not allowed to talk to their son or hold him without their approval. He's 4 years old now. We haven't been able to make a bond with him and he actually doesn't even know who we are. It's quite sickening really.
When he was 6 weeks old, we still had not been invited round to see him, so my mum called us up and told us to go round there, as they were on their way. Only, when we got there the mother wasn't expecting us and made it clear we were not welcome. She complained she didn't have enough chairs for everyone - even though they have dining chairs, they're just covered in junk all the time. She ignored us as much as possible until my brother gave me the baby to hold. She immediately came over and took him away and he started crying because she'd snatched him up.
When he was 2 they invited us round for Christmas, but because we didn't bring toys for the child (we bought them Stollen and chocolate) they never invited us round again. They don't even call. This was after we brought back an expensive Ralph Lauren outfit from America before the baby was born, which they gleefully took home and we never saw it again.
We asked for a picture of our nephew in his outfit, which never materialised - probably because she sold it for money online. My mum asked them again on my behalf and was told "We can't give them what we don't have"
Am I going to have the same relationship with my sister?
Because she seems to get along royally with my brothers wife, who is generally disliked by my entire family because of the way she behaves. (At my cousins wedding reception she was handing out invitations to her own wedding, in front of the bride, then one Christmas she SO didn't want to visit us that she screamed at my brother, jumped into the drivers seat then hot footed it out the driveway all the way back home. My brother was left in tears in front of my husband who was visiting my family for the first time, who felt so awkward he had to leave the house for half an hour)
I understand first-time mums are obviously protective over their baby, but don't then allow all your a-list chums to pass them around like a hot potato then not allow their z-list aunt to hold them let alone come round to see him/her unless it's for presents - it's just plain cruel.
I just wanted to get this off my chest, because I'm having counselling for my own problems and have just gone back to work after having 7 weeks off to grieve. Essentially I had a breakdown from severe depression.
I could do without all this really, but there you are.
xx
