Not left the house for 2 days! :-(

[PeaPod]

Think I finally have to admit it.... my depression is back!
The nausea was bad yesterday and only a bit better today but I normally try to get out at least once a day even if just to walk the dog.... but today I just couldn't be bothered and OH did it yesterday.

I need to get back to work but need to talk to my boss first but that's not possible when she doesn't return my calls! If I don't work, I don't seem to be earning (thought I was getting paid but last pay day said otherwise! Boss was meant to look into this today and get back to me but didn't - will get payroll number tomorrow and see if i can sort out). If I'm not earning how can I start getting baby stuff! Its just stress that I don't need.

Thinking things I shouldn't be at a time that should be full of joy and excitement and just don't know what to do with myself. OH is working lots of hours so its often just me and the dog with the occasional call from my mum to check I'm okay (think she can tell I'm getting low again)

I don't want to take medication (I haven't done so for my depression for over 2 years) but know I need to take some step to help me get through this. Think a visit back to the doctors tomorrow and a meeting with my boss will help. I just need to get back to work, at least for the next few months and get back to being 'me' before I become too huge!

On the plus side... feeling baby P move a lot which is reminding me that this is all worth it.

No need to reply.... just wanted to let it out rather than calling someone up in tears! Can't be dealing with people saying 'its just your hormones' as I know its not because been here plenty of times before! *Sigh*

 

[Gayle30]

Hugs. Will email you tomorrow morning, I've a meeting first thing....yuck. Remember your friends and family (and me your newest friend!) are always there for you. Xxx

 

[SARAHSTAR]

Firstly I've suffer from anxiety so I know how tough it can be at the best of times let alone with a baby on the way plus the stresses of work situations.
I find I always feel better once I have spoken to someone about how I'm feeling and somtimes although they mean well, family just don't understand.

When I went for my first booking in appointment my midwife asked about any 'mental health' issues I might have (not the best description but the banner we all seem to be put under!) I was refered to the perinatal team at my local hospital who deal specifically with women who are facing anxiety/depression both before and after pregnanacy and I have to say they have been fantastic.
I have come off the medication I was on (citalopram) as I didn't want to be on it during pregnancy and I have been offered all sorts of counselling if I need it.
I would definately ask if you could talk to someone like this at your hospital hun, they really are great and specialise in your feelings surrounding pregnancy too.

Hope this helps a bit, feel free to PM me if you want to talk any time.

Love and hugs

Sarah xxx

 

[gooseberry]

hey peapod i know exactly how you feel, iv been signed off sick since the second week in march with pregnancy complications, also iv suffered awful depression in the past, last few weeks iv completely lost motivation with life some days just sitting in bed staring at the walls, i recognise its not a good path to be on but its almost impossible to snap out of it some days, the last week or so iv been asking my oh to take me for a walk in the evenings when he gets home from work, gives me something to look forward to, why dont you tell your mum and friends your not feeling so good and im sure they will rally round to help keep your days occupied, its very important to get some support when your feeling low xx

 

[PeaPod]

Thank you ladies... as much as I don't wish feeling this way on anyone it is nice to know I'm not alone!

Was sick again this morning which was rubbish but seeing as we are having a blue sky spell at the moment I have taken the dog to the beach for an hour which was lovely.... I should head to the seaside more often as it does calm things. Feel a bit rubbish now though and realized that's probably because I've hardly eaten all day!

Ive tried again to make contact with my boss but she still hasn't got back to me. With regards to my pay issues I have just gone over her head and straight to my MD who also deal with payroll - he said he will look into it and get back to me but he didn't already know I was having a problem which indicates that my boss has done sweet FA about it since Friday. Glad I was able to speak to somebody about at least one issue though.

With regards to the depression, I'm going to look at joining some sort of support group and I have also found a link to the NCT Helpline which might be worth a go. It won't beat me but it's certainly preventing me from doing what I feel I should and want to be doing. I suppose my biggest fear is that people are just going to think its all pregnancy related but having had depression pretty much my whole life I know that this isn't my hormones playing havoc or me going through the normal ups and downs of life.... I'm just fed up of people saying 'chin up' and ' try to continue as normal'. If only it were that easy!

Sarah - I will definitely look into whether or not we have a similar service at my local hospital.... I will make contact with my midwife and she if she has any advice. Thank you and I hope that you manage to get through it all too!XX

Gooseberry - I know what you mean about making OH take you out... Ive been doing the same when he is home at a decent hour. I often leave walking the dog til he gets home so we can do it together. I think where he is working funny hours a lot at the moment though it is also making me feel quite lonely. We do have a camping trip booked for this weekend so hopefully we'll get some quality time together.

Big Hugs to you all and lets just know that we'll all get through this!XX