nod and agree...

[Lucyboo]

I'm getting frustrated with people trying to tell us how we should be doing things, how long baby should be in room with us etc..(for me 2 weeks isn't anywhere near enough time plus hoping to BF) I've got to the point where I listen and take in what they are saying but at the end of the day we have to work things out for ourselves...I'm guessing it's not just me feeling like this... Lol sometimes I just wanna tell them to shut up!!!

 

[Loretta]

Haven't experienced it yet, but heard a lot of people warn me about it. I guess it depends on whether you want to upset them as to whether you take the nod and agree approach or something more direct. I'm sure it's not easy, but maybe something like 'well actually we're setting a routine based on what works for us' might give them a gentle hint that they're butting in?

 

[Nonabean]

My mother in law (no longer does she hold that status) when I was pregnant with my first LO told me he couldn't go straight into his cotbed as he would die! Harsh - right?! I was 21 and it scared me a bit, but I knew I was going to have a big baby - he was 9lb 4oz and didn't want to waste money on a Moses Basket that wouldn't see much use. My own Mum had told me the cot would be fine.

I just told her that I went straight into my cot as a newborn, and seeing as I was carrying her grandchild quite clearly loves to tell the tale of my Mum's neglectful parenting!

Everyone does things differently, and you need to do what is right for you, your other half and your baby. Be polite but firm, in gently explaining that while you appreciate people's advice this is your baby and you're doing it your way xx

 

[Lucyboo]

It's the MIL and SIL. They think we should have LO in their own room from 2 weeks, otherwise they will never sleep and if they cry it's a naughty baby and that I shouldn't breast feed, I'm fed up with getting my side across though today I threw in the BF bit and the convo went silent again, it's like they think it's wrong. I just can't be bothered to argue it any more...unless it is really driving me mad or I'm feeling moody lol. Hubby is backing me up too which is good saying we will work it out xx

 

[CDx]

It's amazing how everyone who has ever had a baby seems to be an expert! I've even had someone offer me advice on what I should be doing during my Pregnancy - her youngest child is 47!

Take it on board but as you say you need to figure out your own ways to do things and every baby is different as well. This is our first and I will take everything as it comes because there's no point in having this plan then getting stressed or upset when it's not working.

 

[littlemonkey]

It will only get worse when the baby comes, random people in the supermarket will tell you everything you're doing is wrong!

 

[cers123]

I feel like with my first i ended up becoming very depressed about the situation of ppl throwing advice dwn ur throat n i used d say nuhin.... honestly hun speak up for urself say to them ( which i eventually did) is it ur baby? No? Then u have no say i can and will do what i want to and u cant do or say anything to change that. ..

 

[Dodsy83]

You're not alone, but I do sometimes think nod and agree is the easiest....everyone has an opinion or some comment to pass and it does get really annoying. I had a lady at work almost have me in tears when I told her about the pram/travel system I was buying because she went on and on about how I would hate it and they're too bulky and I was wasting my money blag blah blah...she got quite aggressive about it!

The other one that gets me is people passing comment on my size....ooo you're big aren't you? No actually I'm measuring spot on!
I hate to say it but it probably won't go away once baby has arrived, so nod and agree might be your best bet...good luck x

 

[CDx]

Oh Dodsy the size thing drives me insane!! I was at a team meeting in work and hadn't saw everyone for about 6 weeks, im not particularly friendly with anyone as it's a new team but one woman was like oh look at the size of you, I mean you have got really big, your bump is massive basically every version of you have got fat within 5 minutes. The frustrating thing is I am measuring where I should be, I can still fit into some of my own size non maternity clothes at 35 weeks and was feeling pretty good about myself.

 

[Lucyboo]

We even got told to ditch the books today, we want to figure it out for ourselves...we've had a long journey getting to where we are and I think they forget that. I'd love to get our side across but they keep drumming into us what we should be doing makes me more determined not to. I'm just fed up as MIL goes into some kind of freaked out state when I disagree with her as so old fashioned etc so I'm just pretending that I'm listening, although yesterday made a joke about standing at end of bed as baby comes out... No freakin way that's happening!!! And people commenting on our size... I got told I'm small, no I'm just carrying out the front and bang on size pretty much.

 

[TTC no2]

Oh my god.. how bloody annoying are they... and that baby shoyld be put in own room after 2weeks.. its recommended baby sleeps same room for at least 6months.. and when baby comes whip out the boobs in front of them if they are sorta against the whole idea they will not want come round.. I feel short tempered tonight for no reason so if someone said them comments to me id prob tel them just to shut it and ur sick listening to there shit advice.. ur baby.. uz do it how it feels right to yous

 

[Nomad]

I find it bizarre that they're telling you not to breastfeed...why?? I get that not every woman wants to and that's fair enough but that's personal choice, I don't get why anyone would actively discourage someone else to do it? People are bloody weird! They generally sound like a total nightmare!

 

[TashaWink]

Everyone will have an opinion on something and will happily give it without being asked.

I even do it...but mainly when a friend is moaning about something and I give suggestions on what they could try. And when my sister was pregnant she was so adament on so many things I said to her "you have to wait too see how you get on - it's hard and babies do not know what you have planned"
also I don't understand why anyone would move their baby out of the bedroom that young. My baby won't be moving until he sleeps through the night-not a chance I'm getting out my bed to walk over to his room 3/4 times a night. That's just crazy talk.

My eldest sister is pro breastfeeding and my middle sister really isn't. So I get both of their opinions all the time.

 

[Demaris]

I don't know why people do this, its so annoying and downright patronising! You are the one who will know your child completely it's not for anyone else to press their own experiences or opinions on you.

This is my third child and even though I feel confident I am still learning bits here and there because every baby is different. For that reason I am not an expert and would never try to tell anyone 'how it should be done'. They need to butt out and let you be his mother and know that your way is what's best for you and baby xx

 

[littlemonkey]

I honestly think the best response is the nod and smile. I don't even get involved in conversations about stuff like that anymore because I feel like why should I have to justify what I do with my own children to anyone. Just ignore them, don't get involved in the fight and don't let them wind you up! My MIL used to tell me all weird and things she did with her four and I ignored it all!!

 

[Ella1979]

I would also go with the nod and smile approach. People offering advice now, will also offer it incessantly when your LO is here. It's annoying, but so many people seem to do it!!!

Both my two were in our room with us for months - our daughter was with us for 6.5 months and slept through the night (8pm-5am) from 3.5 months and our son was in our room until around 7/8 months and slept through the night from around 7 months. They're all so different.

Listen to all the advice, but then do what you and your OH feel is best xx

 

[Pismo]

Our DS was in our room until he was 11months old - we didn't have anywhere else to put him but I don't think I would have put him else where regardless as it worked for us.

Currently not getting unwanted advice about this LO, however my mum is often sticking her oar in about how we raise DS - were too strict, why cant he join a football team (because there is no one to take him at present!! Grrr), why don't you buy him this, that, the other...

It never really stops as they get older, the advice just evolves!

x

 

[Lucyboo]

Another thing that gets me is she thinks I'm a weirdo when I saying can't have certain things, cheeses etc.. they drink tea like it's going out of fashion etc and buy really sugary fizzy drinks that don't agree with me, Her sister is also an expectant grandmother and is the complete opposite, at weekend she was down, was offering me de-caf tea, telling me to mind the cheeses etc...

Oh and with the BF thing I think she reckons I'll whip my boobs on show like the women who want to prove a point, hubby said if I end up successfully BF ing it go do it in another room, I said no... Why should I not feel comfortable BF my child in a relatives room, course I'm gonna be discreet, get a shawl etc... No wonder there is so much difficulty and some people give up easily if there is no family support. Just said I won't go round if family won't support us. It's annoying as I'm trying to be nice to MIL as she has these melt downs but I really give up.

 

[buggy1]

Nodding and smiling is definitely the thing to do but it isn't that easy. Sometimes you want to tell people what for when they make a ridiculous comment.

I just try to remember 'opinions are like a**eholes, everybody's got one'. Doesn't mean they're right, or that it should matter to you what they think.

People can be rude, and say silly things, there'll always be someone!

 

[heybabya]

Yeah my MIL asked how I was planning to feed baby and I said bottlefeeding and she whooped with joy and said "Oh good, that way I get to feed him!" And I gently said...no actually, for at least the first wee while I would like it just to be me and OH that feed him. She was raging! I'll just deal with each thing as it comes but it's up to me and OH how we look after LO!