New to PF, need some advice from some wise people!

[alice_]

Hello,
I'm Alice, or Ally .. whichever you prefer! Im 16 years old, 17 in May next year. I moved out in June, and now live in Oxford with my boyfriend. We've been together 9 months, and also just got engaged! My life has improved so much, and i'm very excited about the future.
I have a little niggle though, that i think about every day. I'm desperate for a baby. My boyfriend and i are very mature about things, we've both moved out at 16, (he is 17 now) and had to grow up and take responcibility quite quickly! My boyfriend and i have spoken about a baby. He isn't as keen as i am, but he wouldn't be devastated if i got pregnant. He earns around £1000 a month, £350 goes on the rent for this house, and the rest is used for food, bills, etc. I work at a book shop which brings in around £200 a month. We both get benifits of £30 each, a week, because we have left home and are under 18. We don't have a money problem, we have savings, and are very careful about what we spend our money on.
Our relationship is perfect, we love each other unconditionally, and we have immense trust and security with each other. We don't go out very much, and we really love each other's company. I'm a very emotionally, and physically stong person, i can withstand problems, and don't find life immensley hard!
I know i'm very young to even be considering a child, i completely understand that it could be devastating for our lives and relationship, but we have a very supportive family, and very stable relationship. We are financially stable aswell - and we are both very capable of having a child.

I would be very grateful if you could take what i've said and give me some opinions, i'm grateful for any kind of view, good or bad!

Thank you very much for taking the time to read this, sorry it's so long!

 

[jenna]

We both get benifits of £30 each, a week, because we have left home and are under 18.

How did you get that? i moved out at 16 and couldnt get anything

Anyways...i think only you know if your ready. good luck

 

[clairescunny55]

i say if you're both ready then go for it, i moved out at 17 and gave birth 3 days after my 18th birthday, and now im pregnant with my 2nd and have just got married and i couldnt be happier. If its what you both want then do it. You both sound very responsible adults, best of luck to you

 

[alice_]

Thank you for the supportive replies!
To jenna: My auntie works at the citizens advice bureau so she sorted it for us, we were able to get it because we had left home and were in full time education or something along those lines !!

 

[jenna]

ah right, i didnt go to college or owt so i wasnt allowed lol

 

[NooNoo]

You sound v.mature for your age hun

If you feel your ready for a baby then its your decisions...

Our baby wasnt planned so i dont know how it feels in that respect but now we are so happy and excited...i dont personally think that age matters..

Just think about it long and hard before you go and do it...after all theres no going back lol



Keep us updated

 

[Okaasan]

Are you still in education? I would say that the main thing for you is to concentrate on getting some qualifications - if having a child still fits into your life then no-one should judge you for your decision but please don't give up your education. You can go back later but it is much more difficult for adults to get level 3 qualifications (ie A levels etc) - and it'll be more so if you have to fund yourself when you also have a baby.

Not only for your life, but there is research which shows that the most important factor that influences a child's development and prospects is their mother's education. It'll help your relationship as well because you'll have independence.

There is no reason why you can't have a baby and then have a really fulfilling career when they're a bit older - for some women it works really well that way because you'll still be young and enthusiastic. But give yourself every chance you can to make that easier by getting as many qualifications as poss now.

I hope I don't sound like a teacher - I'm not! But there aren't too many mistakes you can make that will devastate your life as long as you have lots of flexibility and options, so don't close off any opportunities too early.

 

[Betty-Boop]

Hiya,

Reading your post has made me so happy to find that there is someone out there who sounds slightly like me..

I'm 18 and my partner is 24, we have been together just over 3 years. We have a house with a mortgage, we have good jobs (he's a computer tech person and i'm a traniee lawyer) and we have loving familys. We arn't rich and we arn't poor we are stable.

I think about having a baby all the time, i think it's probably because my mum had me when she was my age.

I completely understand your situation...and i think that if your ready your ready, theres no right or wrong anwser, at the end of the day no two people are the same.

We have desided that i would come off the pill a while ago and see how things go.

please message me if you want to chat, i have MSN too.

 

[sophie-jordan]

only u no weather you and your OH are ready for a baby, although you sound pretty certain that it is and sound mature for your age, just make sure it is realli what you want
good luk
x sophie x

 

[zebrastripes]

Hey:
I'm 16 and my daughter is 22 days old.I wouldn't exchange her for anything.
You know yourself best.But I would say this: you're only young once.You don't have to be in any rush to have children.Being pregnant young is hard:you get funny looks,you get judged,you feel young and scared at times.I'd give it another few years: maybe wait til you are 18.Enjoy being young and fairly responsibility free while you can: if your relationship is a good one as you say,you can both wait a few years.9 months still isn't really that long,and your relationship could change a lot in the next few months,even.
Also,this may just be a passing "baby fever"-it happens.

I'd say,get your education over and done with,give yourself time,and if,after a decent period of timem,you still want a child go for it.

Better still,maybe you could take care of a friend or relatives baby for a while,just to see what it is you'll be facing-it may make you think twice lol

 

[Squiglet]

I had my daughter while still at college then Uni, I was 19 and it was unplanned...I would suggest, if you are still in education, get that out the way first... Only because child care is either silly expensive or silly difficult to get and for it to be decent. Also its really difficult to get your course work and revision done when you have a baby in the background, especially if it gets sick and they do get sick.

Other than that, your age shouldn't really matter if you are in a stable loving, long term relationship (give it about a year or two so you get to see what someone is like in all seasons) and you have a good home. Money and jobs matter, but far less than the relationship in which you are in.

Babies put a huge strain on a relationship, regardless of how good it is... and you haven't been going out with your partner for too long....enjoy your "single" time with him...it will never come again... just bask in each others love...go on holiday together....romantic nights out... etc. I already had a daughter when I met my husband and I really miss not having that free time with him.... my honeymoon was wonderful because we had a full two weeks of alone time which we had never had before.

And theres nothing more wonderful than having your partner turn around and say that he is ready to start trying for a child and for you to try together. So if he is not so keen at the moment, wait a little longer...he may be enjoying just being with you because he loves you so much.

 

[cloud9]

I agree with everything that has been said....The other thing i would add and this is not about your age but I feel applies to everyone considering getting pregnant...make sure you spend time enjoying yourselves as a couple before planning a pregnancy, this will help when you are stuck at home with no energy to eat never mind make conversation

good luck whatever you decide