new member TTC for a while :(

Discussion in 'Trying to Conceive' started by andy2016, Jul 13, 2016.

  1. andy2016

    andy2016 Well-Known Member

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    hi everyone,

    hope it's ok for me to be around in what seems like a very female oriented area of the internet :wave:

    Been TTC for slightly over 18 months with no success :wall2: both fit & healthy, i've just turned 27 and she's 25.

    it's difficult to talk to her about this to be honest as she doesn't like it mentioned too much.

    for over a year we've been taking vitamins and stuff to help, just after reading various posts about different ones helping, neither of us are taking any medication that should affect fertility.

    she went to the doctors 6 months back to be told there was nothing to worry about and it would happen on its own. they said there was an option to go through something to help with getting pregnant but apparently it is so intense a lot of couples who go through it break up? seems weird to me this would be the case!

    thing is, she has irregular periods sometimes 2/3 months but the doctor never acknowledged this apparently. we've been using fertility tests for nearly a year which do come up positive every couple of months or so.

    i'm not suggesting it's her at fault, i'm hoping to get an appointment tomorrow to see if they'll test me or whatever they do :oooo:

    i don't know what else to do, we haven't obsessed over doing tests and writing down dates of periods and stuff (she wouldn't anyway) but it's really getting to me now specially as friends are onto their 2nd in the time we've been trying :( just seems something must be wrong somewhere surely if it's took this long with no success, i've pretty much given up drinking too just incase.

    i've read lots of threads but a lot of them aren't updated with an outcome so it's hard to learn anything.

    any advice would be great! feel like i'm losing hope!

    thanks for reading :)
     
  2. Sparklegirl

    Sparklegirl Well-Known Member

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    You are absolutely welcome with everyone, we do have some men and its always nice to see when the blokes pop up. This is a great place to get advice or just talk especially if you dont often talk about it at home. I understand the frustration regarding the irregular periods and being ignored by doctors- the consultant could not be less interested in me at all, I walked out of these feeling worse than before I went in as he did absolutely nothing

    What was it they mentioned but said that its a massive strain on couples? I know when sperm samples are collected I was told that we had to travel over an hour away to another hospital because they need specific equipment which my local hospital does not have so hopefully it can be done where you live. They need it while its warm, good luck with it I hope it goes well

    It is a frustrating time when there is no reason for it just unspecified void of nothingness. I wish you both the very best of luck and welcome to the forum :)
     
  3. andy2016

    andy2016 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks so much for that :)

    Not exactly sure what the strain on couple is, she said something about it being something we both have to do and see through to the end together but she didn't advise it as a lot of couple break up during the process.. Why would they make a procedure like this for couples TTC?

    I don't mind travelling though, I'll travel across the country if I have to so I can get checked :)

    Thanks again!
     
  4. SiameseCatLady

    SiameseCatLady Well-Known Member

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    We tried for 2 years before we gave up hope.
    We resigned ourselves to just enjoying the trying and not using ovulation sticks etc. We were far too focused on it, rather than relaxing and enjoying our time. It's impossible not to focus on it! I do realise this, but psychologically, it's worth looking at yourselves and thinking about how you're feeling about the whole situation. Do try to talk to your partner. You're both young, which is annoying when people mention it(!) but true. 2 years is actually average, which doesn't make it better but might put things into perspective.
    Anyway, I lost weight but most of all, we both just did things naturally when we felt like it as opposed to when we 'should' etc. My last period started on December 1st. I was totally relaxed and had set my mind at having a good Christmas, drinking and eating what I wanted!
    I don't mean to sound annoying, but it worked for us. The weight loss helped, but so did an acceptance of the situation mentally. Relax together, go for a spa weekend (have heard that works for many people!) and again, as I say, enjoy each other. We ended up forgetting about living!
    Have either of you been tested?
    Fight for that and tell them that it is affecting your everyday lives. See a sympathetic female GP (just my advice) and get boxes ticked off. Keep going back and bugging them, you need that to know where you stand too.
    Good luck. I am sure it can happen for you guys, but the journey is painful. I feel for you both so much.
    Remember: enjoy life and set yourself other goals too. You both have a life and one day, you should hopefully have a little one to fit into those lives.
    Xxxx
     
  5. PeanutButter

    PeanutButter Well-Known Member

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    Welcome to PF :)
    At 18 months your doctor should offer tests to see why you are not conceiveing. If your OH would go? Theyll probably just do blood tests at first and take down details. Are you using opks to get the timing of intercourse right and to see if she's ovulating?
    Wish you all the best, good luck :)
     
  6. andy2016

    andy2016 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks! Very reassuring.. To be honest its only been these past few days I've really got into it, start doing fertility tests 10 days after her period then going for it when they are positive although we often missed a day or 2 testing so missed the window so I'm not exactly sure how many times we've timed it right to be honest.

    Don't want to come across as one of those obsessed couples because we really aren't.

    Neither of us been tested only appointment was that one 6 months ago which really offered no hope at all.
     
  7. andy2016

    andy2016 Well-Known Member

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    Had an appointment this morning, she was nice and sympathetic but wouldn't just refer me to be tested we need to go together :( something that won't be easy.

    I feel like giving up on the idea to be honest.
     
  8. MrsS15

    MrsS15 Well-Known Member

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    Hi Andy!

    Most long timers on here feel like giving up often, and gps certainly don't make it easy or provide any sympathy. We've been trying 15 months with 2 early losses. I went to my gp feeling at the end of my tether and she said to me 'it took me 2 years to conceive my son, just keep having sex every 3 days' - I wish I never bothered! Would your oh come on here and speak to us? Everyone on here is amazing and the support is fantastic, I don't know where I'd be if it wasn't for these ladies. If your lovely lady sees she most definitely isn't alone and speaks to others going through the same, she may feel more confident talking about it and seeking help. Because at this stage, your oh should be getting at least bloods and a scan and a sperm analysis for yourself. It sounds with her irregular periods and only sometimes ovulating she could have polycystic ovaries. There's lots of help for this but she needs to see the gp. Before this, I know you don't want to keep track of periods but this far down the line I think you need to. Document when she gets positive ov tests etc and month's when she doesn't. The gp will look for proof like this!

    Come and talk to us any time :hug: xxx
     
    #8 MrsS15, Jul 14, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 14, 2016
  9. M1chelle

    M1chelle Well-Known Member

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    Hi Andy,

    Do you know how she feels about it all? Do you know why she doesn't like talking about it? I think ultimately you both need to sit down and have a chat about it all. It's a major step in both of your lives so you should be able to talk about it. My husband and I didn't find it that easy to start with but we had a bit of a chat as I felt like I was going through an emotional rollercoaster and he was just along for the er.. ride :oooo: But since then he's been great. Sometimes you just need to let the other person know how it's making you feel.

    I think after that long trying, returning to the GP is a good idea. Even if she's not too worried about it yet, it can be good to get a head start and then if it happens while you're getting tested for the various bits, then that's a bonus. There is a chance that they may tell you to wait until it's been two years though because of your age. I went in at 29 and they told me I was 'advanced down the age spectrum' for having children, so I was lucky that they started looking at my situation pretty early. I've had a bunch of blood tests (wouldn't have been so many if they'd checked the criteria for fertility clinic referral at the start) and he's been to a clinic to provide a sample. He had to travel an hour and a half. He ended up going on his own because of work commitments which I was worried about him having to go through that on his own but he really wasn't bothered in the slightest ha ha.

    Good luck with your TTC journey. I hope you reach your destination soon! :)
     
  10. SiameseCatLady

    SiameseCatLady Well-Known Member

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    You don't come across as obsessed! However, I can feel your sadness in your post and that is what this does to you, sad.y. It makes you sad, even if you don't realise it, I think.
    Wishing you lots of luck again. Xx
     
  11. SiameseCatLady

    SiameseCatLady Well-Known Member

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    Also, I don't mean to rub salt in the wound by saying that it worked for us.
    More trying to give you hope. Xxx
     
  12. phonixgirl

    phonixgirl Well-Known Member

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    Hi Andy :)

    It sounds like she might have pcos if her periods are only every 2 or 3 months. Does she have any other symptoms eg excess body hair, thinning of hair, difficulty losing weight? I've got pcos and my only symptom was weird periods (every 24 days with lots of spotting). I really struggled to get a diagnosis but found myo-inositol and chromium fantastic.

    When we first went to our GP, we'd been not trying but not preventing for a few years and trying properly for a year. They told us to come back in 6 months.

    I presume the difficulties they describe is ivf. We've been through it and it is hard but we are still very much together - not everyone ends up getting divorced!

    It's been a long journey but I've finally got my cycles more settled now and I hope that our baby is not too far away.

    Good luck. We are here if you need to talk. X
     
  13. andy2016

    andy2016 Well-Known Member

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    Thank you so much, really made me feel better about the situation.

    Looking back its probably only been a year of proper trying as I was anti depressants that are known to affect sperm, not just affect it but render it useless or so ive read but quickly returns to normal.

    spoke to her tonight, she doesn't know I'm even on here and can't see her coming on unfortunately.

    She's long suspected she has PCOS and has made an appointment of her own accord for the week after next due to work.

    Hopefully she will be reffered and we'll get some answers and help if needed.

    I just hate the not knowing and waiting part but feel a bit better now.

    She wants it as much as I do but it's just the way she is with not wanting to talk about it, been together over 7 years.
     
  14. andy2016

    andy2016 Well-Known Member

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    I'm just concerned the doctor won't take us seriously enough to refer for tests :( read about some nightmares people have had with doctors.. Anyone know how long it takes to get tested from getting the doctors appointment? Thanks :)
     
    #14 andy2016, Jul 16, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 16, 2016
  15. Lucyboo

    Lucyboo Well-Known Member

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    Please also make sure you ask for her FSH levels to be tested. I long suspected pcos and was ignored by the doctors for years as my periods weren't irregular to start. Turns out things got worse over the years and I had very high FSH levels from irregular cycles. Try and get her to come to the doctors with you as it can make a huge difference having a few basic tests. The basic tests are pretty quick, Ie bloods and sperm count.

    Don't give up hope as we were told it would unlikely ever happen. There is so much you can do to help, acupuncture, vitamins Etc. Good luck x
     
    #15 Lucyboo, Jul 16, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 16, 2016
  16. andy2016

    andy2016 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks I will do! We're both going a week tomorrow.

    I'm concerned they won't refer us for tests though.

    We've probably only timed it properly with the fertility tests twice. Her periods are irregular so there's less chance of ovulation.

    I just don't want to have to keep going to the doctors until they refer us.

    Surely they'd rather people tried everything before wasting doctors time? Not so sure from what I've read online.
     
  17. Lulla Bell

    Lulla Bell Well-Known Member

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    Hello, Andy, My advice is... If you're going to the doctors and both want tests and are worried that they won't send you , is to JAZZ the truth up a bit, Don't say you've only properly done the ovulation tests twice and prob missed your window, Tell them love been bang on it, tell them about every irregularity and bit of spotting, every bit of pain she experiences when she is on or not.
    Remember you know your bodies.... but doctors go by a text book for referrals,
    Ive just been referred for a scan, after months of doctors saying .....' it will happen' 'it could be due to stress'
    I went in last time and jazzed it up slightly, high lighting every pain and slight bit of sporting i had and BOOM My scan is on the 5th of august! There is nothing wrong with a little white lie... or even a dramatisation , to get a some piece of mind for you and your lady :)
    I hope it helps! And remember JAZZ HANDS :D
     
  18. andy2016

    andy2016 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks! Took your advice and we were reffered straight away. She is getting bloods taken this Monday, I've already dropped my sample (ew) off on Wednesday and will hear on Monday how I'm doing.

    The fertility place have already contacted my OH and will be in touch to arrange a scan etc once they have the blood test results.

    Funny thing is, the doctor who seen my OH first time around wasna female caring type, the second one who seen us both was an old school male doctor and was brilliant.. I wasn't taking no for an answer if it came to it though!

    Will update when I have more info, good luck everyone else TTC!
     
  19. MrsS15

    MrsS15 Well-Known Member

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    That's excellent, I'm really pleased for you both. I hope this gets you a lot closer to getting your baby! I think Dr's always surprise you too,it's usually the ones you don't think will be useful. Definitely keep us updated on your progress! Xx
     
  20. Lulla Bell

    Lulla Bell Well-Known Member

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    Yay!!
    Fingers crossed for you both ��
     

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