New dads not pulling their weight! Grrr

[Stupidred]

Are any new mums just waiting for their ohs to get home so you can just chew off their ears? Is it normal to feel so much frustration towards my husband.

We had a beautiful daughter in August she's now getting on for 9 weeks old and it seems like I do absolutely everything. She's just started smiling and cooing. I spend the day playing with her blowing on her belly, massage singing walking cuddling bathing. I want him to be a part of it all but he's at work. I WhatsApp pictures and videos to him and when he gets home he hits the shower and settles in for a night watching telly playing on his phone and games consoles. I try encourage him to have cuddles and feed her but he complains after a minute that his arms hurt or he needs the toilet or that he's not doing it right. He always eats before me and never offers to do anything or take her for half an hour so I can get a break. He won't do night feeds.

Is it any wonder I want to rip his throat out when he gets home and pretends his life is no different. Anyone else just losing their patience? I've told him how I feel. He acknowledges it but does nothing still

Exhausted

 

[Tmum]

I could've written this word for word only that I had a little boy in August and we already have a 5 year old!
The number of arguments we've had about his lack of interest and input has been unbelievable! I feel like a broken record. He was great when we had our 1st lb but keeps putting his lack of input this time round down to my lb being clingy as I'm
Feeding him myself! It's driving me insane though.
Unfortunately I don't have any advice because nothing I've tried has changed or helped here grrrr xx

 

[Baby2sky]

I would just leave baby with him when he gets home if talking hasn't worked. She is both your child, and the way I've always seen it is once husband is home from work its a joint effort. He really should do more. For example my husband does the 4am feed, gets our eldest up with him in the morning and feeds her breakfast. Then after work he plays with our children, feeds the baby, cooks tea, does alternative bath days... Then when kids are in bed thats the time to relax for an hr or two doing whatever we want. Your husband really needs to step up and take care of his child too and maybe "forcing" it will be the.only thing to help? I dunno but hope you get it sorted it must be so so draining feeling like you're doing everything xx

 

[tinselcat]

I don't have any advice (other than asking him perhaps why he doesn't feel like being involved at the moment?) but looking after your own child should not be considered "babysitting" and his lack of help is, I think, unacceptable.

I'm not surprised you feel the way you do.

You sound like a lovely mummy though, baby is lucky to have you xx

 

[Kiagirl]

My husband didn't do that much for our lo when she was a baby. He was scared of doing something wrong and it always felt that he was babysitting for the odd half hour. As she got older this has all changed as she started to interact more. Now she's 2, he does loads, baths her cooks her tea, gets her drinks, takes her swimming. I think he didn't have much experience of babies and he used to get stressed as he didn't know what was wrong. She loves him to bits and they have the best bond ever and he's had his Xbox one for a year and used it about 6 times, how things change �� x

 

[dolly26]

My OH doesn't do anything with our lg but I know it's because of nerves but he makes up for it by doing housework and cooking (he only works in the evenings) so I can focus on her and it does work for us. I did want to kill him at the start cause he thought he could sleep till lunchtime but after having words he now gets up with us and makes a bottle and coffee for me xx

 

[Baby2sky]

I dont agree with the justification of dads doing nothing because they're too scared/ nervous/ dont know what they're doing with a baby... Just excuses imo. Nobody knows how to deal with a baby at first but you just do it because it needs doing! What if all us mums took the same attitude?

 

[Pumpkin9]

I think they just find it massively alien to start with - I had similar with my hubby, he's brilliant now with our 20 month old and I'm hoping he will understand much more with this baby in February and help out more. I'm going to try to ebf so he won't be able to help with feeds but other stuff he will and because it's a girl this time we've both got learning to do!!

I think the key for me was to try and explain things when I wasn't in a raging hormonal mood and he'd listen to me more - we have much better conversations about things and I try and explain what I need him to do if I start to behave in a certain way.

For example at the birth I have said I'll need him to speak up for me and ask me questions as if it's anything like last time I went into my shell to cope.

I think we pretty much all go through this to some degree but it does get better and I think that starts to happen as our babies become more and more interactive

 

[can]

I think it's a learning curve for everyone and men are far less open with how they feel so tend to hide away a bit. I do think women are programmed different and there is a reason we have mothers intuition. I think try to talk and explain you'd like him to help more and hopefully his confidence will grow. My hubby is so much better once newborn stage is over and we are on baby number 3 you'd think he'd be used to it by now!!!