never felt like this...

[My1stBaby]

Me and the OH have been together 3 and a half years. not married, but will do one day. weve had a tough relationship as we met at uni and when i finished i moved back to hertfordshire while he stayed in kent so the long distance thing made it hard. so i then moved to kent to be nearer him while he finished uni. he has now moved back to hertfordshire with me and we have our home and baby. even though its been tough at times weve stayed happy throughout!! had the BEST relationship ever, everyones always coming to me for relationship advice cause me and him just make it work.

but now i feel like hes so unhappy. he didnt want the baby (we were 'trying' then he decided he wanted to start using protection as he wasnt ready- that was the day i got my positive preg test-oops too late) so im always feeling like hes not happy with our life now.

hes only 23 so he wants to be out partying all the time just having fun (which is understandable), but as his friends live in kent its not that easy. if he wants to go out in kent he has to stay in kent but ive said at the moment, do you mind not staying over down there as i dont wanna be left overnight with Max just yet (as he will have the car) so if anything were to happen i cant get anywhere. he would always go and stay there though when i was pregnant and i didnt kick up a fuss !

anyway hes ALWAYS moaning about how shit his life is, ohh my friends are doing this my friends are doing that- they have a nice car from their parents, they're going on holiday, they're going travelling etc etc and its like i just wanna say back WELL BLOODY GO THEN AND LEAVE ME AND MAX HERE

i cant bare the constant moaning about how hes missing out on life!

and he just doesnt see where im coming from . i know how much he loves max but i feel like its just not the life he wants and i just dunno what to do- i cant keep hearing the 'poor me i wanna enjoy life' comments. feel like were making him miserable.

and what makes it worse is my parents have helped him set up his business, given him cars to drive (yeah not the best cars but he wouldnt have any without them), money to move into our flat etc literally helped him build his life and business here and its still not enough for him!! if he hadnt moved here he would be working in Greggs still, in debt, and living with his miserable parents (who by the way still have not seen max)

god i could go on and on and on about it all!!! but i wont lol.

sorry to bore you all, no need to reply i just needed to get some of it out. got so much more pent up but i dont wanna bore you all to death

xxxx

 

[LaurenMM]

Oh Hun this must be awful to hear and not a nice situation to be in. I'm really sorry I'm crap with advice. I hope u don't mind my saying so but it sounds like he has some growing up to do. He can't just change his mind as and when he chooses and does he not think you've sacrificed a lot too? I think you need to speak to him hun hope ur alright n it gets sorted x

 

[BabyBrain]

Maybe you have all spoilt him? Tried to compensate for him moving to be with you? What your parents have done for him is lovely but tbh everything has kind of been handed to him on a plate iykwim. He has a gorgeous girlfriend, scrumptious son and all the financial help your parents have given him.....of course he's bored lol. Men need occupying, they are like puppies spoil them and they start chewing the furniture.

If he didn't want to settle down and have a family he should never have stopped using contraception, he can't say one thing and mean another. He's 23....in the words of my good mate Jezza Kyle there are 17 year olds out there fighting in Iraqistan. He needs to belt up hun and be bloody grateful for the fantastic life he has been given.

Tell him to grow up, ungrateful git xxxxxxxxx

 

[Bee7]

Sounds like he's being very ungrateful and thoughtless to me. I'm 25 and i sometimes feel that i have 'settled down' too young. There were things i wanted to do - pursue a career, travel the world etc that are just not possible right now. But i don't dwell on it, what's the point? I have Jack now and he's the world to me. My life isn't worse because of him, it's just different.

Maybe blokes see it differently to us, but when i found out i was pregnant i just knew i had to adapt my outlook to life and accent that i was going to have to be selfless from now on. It takes two of you to make a baby so if your OH wasn't ready for Max then he should have thought about this beforehand.

Maybe you should try and speak to him about how his attitude and moaning is making you feel. Lay it on thick and make him feel bad. Try and make him see what a precious thing Max is and that he is worth more than any night out or fancy car. If he continues to be so negative about anything then maybe it's time to put your foot down and tell him to pack his bags if his outlook towards your child is so bleak. It sounds like you've had a great relationship so far and overcome some big issues, but having a child often changes everything.

I really hope you can get it sorted hun. He really should be helping you not making you worry or feel bad. He is very lucky to have such a beautiful, healthy son and needs to realise this. I imagine that as he gets older his priortites will change and he'll start to realise what's important in life - i.e. his partner and child. But are you willing to wait for that? Thats what you need to ask yourself. Good luck xxxx

 

[BevG]

id point out to him how selfish hes being, im sure you would like to have fun sometimes too, its not fair at all that he gets to piss off out n leave you stranded. i never want to go out now cos i did it for years but he wanted a baby too even if he chickened out when it was too late and now he shouldnt moan

 

[My1stBaby]

thanks ladies, at least i know im not being stupid then.

i said it to him earlier but he says all i want is a social life, im not asking for much etc etc but its like well this is the decision you've made.... i didnt drag to you hertfordshire, i didnt force you to get me pregnant why can he not just see that and say yeah ok i know i have to settle down now and cant have everything i want.....

he always makes jokes saying hes a prisoner etc n it just makes me feel like shit

i wanna scare him into realising what he does have if you know what i mean? and what he wouldnt have if we werent here. but i shouldnt have to do that he should just bloody see it!!

but you've all got it right, he needs to grow up. i duno if i can keep waiting for that to happen though xxxxx

 

[littlemiss83]

I'm so sorry your going through this

It does sound like your OH is a bit spoilt, he's had more done for him in his life than me or my OH and most of the ppl that we know, sometimes ppl that get alot done for the, they dont realise how hard it is w/out those things...and when they cant get help in other situations they dont know how to react. Point is, he wants to go out....but he cant, can he!? I totally understand you not wanting to be w/out the car BUT - we've never had a car & OH has been away over night a few times, it doesn't mean a car would necessarily help you in an emergency, are you quite far from a hospital if something happened to LO, how long wld it take for an ambulance? Thats obviously worst case senario but its something u need to consider b4 your left yourself, if it would take too long then its too dodgy & he'd be forced to not leave, if it would be ok then why not let him go out say once a month, once every 2 months for a proper overnight night out?

He was the one that decided to ttc (before he changed his mind) & he needs to take responsibility for that, its not just up to you to do everything, If he's unhappy he needs to change that. He is a daddy now & needs to find other things to make him happy other than nights out (like all of us mummies & daddies have to do!)

Good luck, its a big change for a couple having an LO, its madness to think that some ppl have babies to make things better isn't it.

xxxxxxxxx

 

[BevG]

id have said 'gee i didnt realise asking you to actually act like a FATHER and PARTNER was such a hard task, sorry if being supportive to me and a dad to your baby makes you feel like a prisoner, fuck off and be free then but im not here to be picked up when you feel like playing with me and your son isnt a toy either grow up you irresponsible pathetic little boy"!!!!!!!!!! grr ppl like that wind me up

 

[My1stBaby]

yeah maybe coz ive got the car i dont wanna be without it but its true alot of people dont have cars. think im just nervous to be left on my own if i dont have to be.

hes going london for an all day drinking session next satuday so i dont see what else he wants. its all the talk about holidays and travelling that gets me- like he wouldnt take a day off to take me n max out but he would take 2 weeks off for a boys holiday. he booked to go to creamfileds for 3 days in august without even telling me! (like i could/would do that ??!!) and he always says he wants to go travelling- wish he bloody would now!!

bev i love that! and thats what ill say. its not fair for him to make me feel like im ruining his life.

oh and also he had a SHIT life in kent, awful in fact. all his family are in masses of debt so cant ever help him/us out and dont make an effort. so i really thought he'd appreciate what he has here more

xxxx

 

[BevG]

he dosent appreciate it cos hes used to it and takes it all for granted

 

[BabyBrain]

But if he takes the car does he expect you and max to stay in and wait for him to grace you with his presence again???? Stuff that, tell him to jog on and get the train

 

[poppypd]

If it was me the next time he went off I'd probably go somewhere else so when he returned he'd come home to an empty house not knowing where you were, probably call you loads and start getting worried. You'd have to not answer any calls to get him really worried. You can always make up an excuse when you return or you can just say, this will be your life if you carry on like you are! I can't believe he'd say stuff about missing out on a life, he has the chance to help bring up a new life!!! I often think to myself about priorities- what will they be thinking about on their death bed, all the booze and crazy times they had? their amazing sports car? Or their family and memories with them? So sorry you are going through this.

 

[jojo_2012]

I think a social life is one thing I say you have to let them have it. But going on holiday is taking the piss unless he's taking you on a very VERY nice family holiday too! He's made his bed he needs to lay in it.

 

[pinkyprincess]

It's so so hard having a baby and a relationship sometimes. I feel pretty resentful of OH going out as I haven't been out since New Year 2010/11

He's agreed to not go out as much as a compromise but I can totally sympathise! When the baby was born he didn't go out until I was ready.

 

[My1stBaby]

Thanks ladies

I'm gona talk to him more about it over the weekend. Its all about compromise and I know that, I just don't want him to start taking the piss and staying in kent every weekend leaving me and max to go enjoy himself. Feel like he wouldn't get enjoyment out of a weekend with us two which is just so sad. He's so good with max I just wish he said to me oh this weekend I thought it would be nice to go out for a good day out as a family and seem like he's looking forward to time with us you know.

Maybe shock tactics are the only way to make him see what he's got. He's someone that always thinks the grass is ggreener, so he thinks his friends are having the time of their lives but if he was doing the same he'd be wishing for something different, he's always been like that

Xxx