My relationship is falling apart.

[xJodieLoux]

I'm just so fed up. Everything my OH does/says just winds me up. I really have had enough. I'm beggining to wonder what I ever saw in him. He is selfish, ignorant, acts like a spoilt kid, violent. I can't think of anything I really like about him anymore.

I think we have both lost interest in each other, so it's not just me.

I really wish I could end thing's with him, but it doesn't seem so simple, especially as weve got LO on the way. But I don't want to be one of those couples who just stay together for the baby.

I really don't know what to do

 

[Tara & Liam]

hi hun

just a question, did you feel like this before you were pregnant. I practically wanted to string my DH up by his bits when i was pregnant but after when i had my children each time, my feelings returned.

 

[Babylicious]

hi hun

just a question, did you feel like this before you were pregnant. I practically wanted to string my DH up by his bits when i was pregnant but after when i had my children each time, my feelings returned.

**nods**

My oh is mega getting on my nerves at the moment, but I know it's my hormones

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

In what way is he violent hun? That word stood out at me like a sore thumb!

If he is violent towards you then it sheds a whole new light on the matter, hormones or not

 

[Tara & Liam]

In what way is he violent hun? That word stood out at me like a sore thumb!

If he is violent towards you then it sheds a whole new light on the matter, hormones or not

gosh i missed the violent part.

 

[MissSara]

Yeah i agree when i saw the voilent part no matter how big or small that should be your get away card.

But since i've been pregnant my attitude has also changed towards my OH, all he says to me is i can't wait for the baby to come and then you might love me again....lol. Wait till the LO arrives and see how you feel, that is unless the voilence continues.

 

[xJodieLoux]

I think it is mainly my hormones, the slightest little thing gets to me.

He has been violent towards me yes. In the past and even since I have been pregnant. He doesn't beat me up (well he did once ages ago), but he does hit me once in a while, well actually he seems to grab my face more than anything. By that I mean his thumb is on one cheek and his fingers on the other, he does it really hard and I've got a couple of scars from where he's broken the skin. The last time he did anything violent was weeks ago now though, he punched me in the side of the head while we were walking down the street because he was in a mood and I asked him whats up and he said 'I'm ashamed to be seen with you' I said 'Why? Worried one of those little tarts will see us together' (he seems to have a fan club of 17/18 year old girls, he's 19, I'm 21 btw, who wave at him and flash their lights on the car at him in the most desperate way, and he loves the attention ) Anyway, I might of snapped when I said that but there was no need for him to hit me. Since then he has promised he will never be violent towards me again.

Once I phoned his mum when he was acting like a psycho and she said 'I know what he's like he's hit me before' I've seen him hit his 15 year old sister too.

There's one other thing that bothers me about him, more than the violence, he is a liar. He lies about allsorts, serious things, then theres loads of stupid little things. I am such an honest person, yes I've done wrong in the relationship, but I alway's tell him. He lies about stuff and I have to find things out for myself, which I have done loads of times, but then I'm always looking for things and he cant understand why.

I'm not living with him at the moment, we both moved back in with our parent's to save for a deposit on a mortgage, but I've told him I'm not moving back in with him until he changes his ways. My mum and dad want me to stay at home anyway for a while with the baby. We have got enough for a deposit now but I really am staying put for the time being.

Now when I'm reading this back I feel like such an idiot for ever TTC with him, I knew all this before I got pregnant, there were loads of times where I said 'I'm not TTC anymore', but he always talked me round. The first time we TTC it wasn't really thought about as seriously as it should of been, and by the end of the month we decided it would be best to leave it, but I was already pregnant. We only knew for about 2 weeks before I M/C but I already loved it so much. After I miscarried I just felt like I was desperate to get pregnant again and that never really went away. I really do feel like I was blinded by my desperation to have a baby.

Don't get me wrong, alot of the time he's great and we get on really well and have a laugh, but he can just snap at any minute. And he say's some really hurtfull things to me.

At the end of the day though, you can't help who you love, and I do love him. I know it would be best for me to get out of this relationship, but I just can't do it, I love him.

 

[Tara & Liam]

i know you say you love him and cant help who you fall in love with.

BUT

if he is hitting you and his mum and sister. What are you going to do when the baby is crying and he hits her !!!

please dont raise your child thinking that women getting hit is okay.

 

[MissSara]

Yes hun you may love him, and that will be your downfall.

You have to put yourself and your baby first, the sounds like a spoilt little brat not like a man who is about to become a father.
He wanted this baby as much as you, why would he hit you knowing that you are carrying his child? In fact why would he hit you full stop???

I think it is for the best that you stay with your mum and dad for a little while, until you know how you feel for sure.

Sorry you have to go through this hun xxx

 

[xJodieLoux]

MissSara you got it spot on, he is like a spoilt brat, then he moan's at me to stop acting like his mother and I'm like 'Well stop acting like a little kid then'. We don't spend much time together lately and it's like a huge relief.

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

Your in the best place at the moment, it sounds your family are wonderfully supportive and I really think you should take up the offer of staying there for a while after the baby is born. Please dont ever be in the situation I was in.....sitting depressed and alone at home with a baby because you dont want to go out in public with a black eye. Wondering why you didnt get out of the relationship when you had the chance.

I understand you love him, and I put up with it for 10 years because I loved him. Unless someone has been there they can never understand why someone would stay.

Dont be that person that says that again, please.

 

[Mildly]

It does sound like you would be better off without him hun.

Just imagine if he tried to grab your LO by the face, it doesn't bear thinking about Also the fact that he's hit his Mum and sister, I find very disturbing. It does sound as though you are coming to the realisation that you and your LO deserve better than him. It might be worth letting your Mum and Dad know what he's really like as they sound like they are a really good source of support for you and the LO already.

Wishing you the very best

 

[MissGobby]

aww hunny are you ok???

i know you may love him darlin, and it may hurt but you cant let this man hit you anymore, you have 2 people to think about now, i cant stand men who hit women my mums husband has hit her a few times when they went through a bad patch and i cant bloody stand him - there is no need for it, they are bullies who pick on people they know cant hit back!!

i think you are in the best place, being at your mum and dads, i do think you need to think about what you want though, as mentioned above in someones post - what is your partner going to do if the baby starts crying and wont stop? hit it?? you never know hunny and if it was me i dont think i would be able to let myself have him look after my baby!!!

if you need to chat or anything darlin you know where i am

loads of hugs for you babes

 

[Melly+2]

Hun get away now, you dont want to be in a violent relationship, they say they wont do it again but its all lies and if ur pg and hes done it too its simply not on. I hate seeing young women suffering from violence, it makes me wana give them a big hug as i know how it feels i put up with a year and a half of violence from my ex left me scarred for life. I know you say you love him but whats it worth, would you rather not be with him and your baby be safe of put that little one in danger??? Id go now if i were you

 

[xJodieLoux]

Thank's girls. I know you are all talking sense. My confidence is really low because of him now, I'm like a different person. I am in the best place and he know's how I feel, I told him I'm staying here and don't think I ever want to live with him which really upset's him. I would never put my LO in danger. I do feel like I, well we, deserve better. I want somebody who make's me feel safe and special, I just really wish my OH could change his way's and be that person. He know's he's on his last chance now and I think he's beginning to realise what he's risking losing. I really hope he can change.

 

[Melly+2]

Take care hun, be careful ok, we really care and dont wana see you hurt

 

[trixipaws]

In what way is he violent hun? That word stood out at me like a sore thumb!

If he is violent towards you then it sheds a whole new light on the matter, hormones or not

my thoughts exactly! violence = leave, leave, LEAVE!

 

[nickilubs]

Run like the wind!

You have a supportive familly you have plenty of money(enough for a deposite) and you have a human inside of you that is relying on you to keep yourself safe for its sake which in a few months will be relying on you to keep it safe from the big bad world....which is dangerous enough with out having to live with a abusive parent.

If he can beat you up once he WILL do it again especially with the behaviour he is showing. I know that you have to be ready to leave yourself, I went through a violent relationship and no matter what anyone said "he will change!" "your twisting the truth" "hes only hit me lightly and I deserved it".

I think that when your babys born then thats when if you are going to leave then you will....it takes real love to reilise that love and pain are too seperate things.

Keep yourself and your babe safe.

 

[Miss.Monroe]

hunny, just read your post, im having a shit time, but nothing compared to this. i hope your doing alright, this is cetainly not right and were always here for you please keep us updated, im sure we will help in anyway we can. stay safe and be strong. xxxx

 

[MissThing]

I am just so sorry to hear that somebody could act like that! From what youve told you seem to be a smart girl who can be in charge with her money and life. I do belive, that some people simply cant change (most of them). But I do hope, that your BF will realise, that he is going to be a father. And, take to consideration, he is 19! And blokes get mature much later then women, so think, are you ready to look after another child when you will have your baby? You yourself will need a constant care, and, you will have your family for that. I would just think, if he makes you happy? Can you imagine staying with him forever? If yes, maybe it is worth giving him another chance. If no....Well, the decision is yours.