Tigeress
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- Oct 30, 2013
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Hey girls, havent been online for a couple of days as had to move due to being evicted from my flat. 
So havent got net where i am, and i cant remember my password to use on phone 
So as a couple of you know a couple of days ago, i had dark discharge a couple of days ago, not much but it concerned me a little, anyway, nothing after that, but not last night the night before i had heavy bleeding suddenly, went to A&E and got booked in for emergency scan the next day. So i was shitting myself over night waiting, already had a mc and i know it wasnt gona be good, but tried to keep my hopes up.
Went to the scan and sadly ive had another mc, i was spose to be about 11 weeks and 2 days but the baby was only 8 weeks, i dont know if that means baby passed away at 8 weeks or if baby stopped growing. I was in a terrible state yesturday and i thought the tears would never end, but today i want to cry but cant, i think i might have used them all up.
My partner has his daughters this weekend and we have decided it would be best if i wasnt around, for everyones sakes but mine mostly. I dont think i could bare it. It seems so unfair. Ive gone back to my flat for tonight (stayed at my aunties last night) Im currently laying on a mattress, in an empty flat. So not have i only just being evicted, (handing keys in on mon) ive now lost my baby, plus as it spose to come in 3s, some direct debit come out yesturday and took the rest of my wages. I dont think i could sink any lower at this point. My partner was great last night, but today he seems withdrawn and quiet, he wouldnt even give me a kiss when i left, which seems very selfish of him, or of me? I dont know, i dont think this relationship is going to blossom now, im spose to be going back tomorrow (all my stuff is there inc appliances from this flat) but ive got a terrible feeling again in my gut.
Its strange in a way but for the last couple of weeks ive had this feeling 'I dont feel pregnant' and low and behold the outcome of yesturday. Very coincidental. But anyway i thought i would let you girls know, i wish you all the best of luck for sticky healthy beans and easy pregnancies, hopefully speak to you all again one day in the future. Heres something i wrote about baby when i put it on facebook.
Here is a pic of the baby at 7 week scan x
So for anyone that didn't know. Here is another beautiful angel baby of mine. Confirmed yesturday. I'm only 7 weeks when this scan was done on the 23rd of January. I now would be 11 weeks and 2 days when it was confirmed. I don't know what to say to be honest. Other than I cannot believe I've lost another baby. Another piece of me has yet been taken and although I feel as though my life has ended and I have nothing left. I know it hasn't and i must continue. I find it to be cruel and unfair, to give me a hint of something twice and it to be taken away. I can't understand it but I guess I never will. Your forever in my mind and memory.. and seeing you on the screen yesturday with no heartbeat broke me, and forgive me for not looking for longer then I did. Your short life will not be in vain and I will do as much as I can to carry on and make you proud to be in heaven calling me mum. Once again I will never hold you, or stroke your soft head. The ache to have held you both in my arms is tremendous and I don't think it will ever go. But in a strange and unique way, I don't want it to.. because its all I have left of you both, to know that you were there and you were apart of me. We are one. Anyway, I have to go now, get on with my life I spose. No matter how young you both were, I am still proud and I will miss you, ache for you and continue to love you and cherish you both forever, as long as I live. My babies youll be. See you both one day, it'll just be longer then we hoped - Your Mother x
So havent got net where i am, and i cant remember my password to use on phone So as a couple of you know a couple of days ago, i had dark discharge a couple of days ago, not much but it concerned me a little, anyway, nothing after that, but not last night the night before i had heavy bleeding suddenly, went to A&E and got booked in for emergency scan the next day. So i was shitting myself over night waiting, already had a mc and i know it wasnt gona be good, but tried to keep my hopes up.
Went to the scan and sadly ive had another mc, i was spose to be about 11 weeks and 2 days but the baby was only 8 weeks, i dont know if that means baby passed away at 8 weeks or if baby stopped growing. I was in a terrible state yesturday and i thought the tears would never end, but today i want to cry but cant, i think i might have used them all up.
My partner has his daughters this weekend and we have decided it would be best if i wasnt around, for everyones sakes but mine mostly. I dont think i could bare it. It seems so unfair. Ive gone back to my flat for tonight (stayed at my aunties last night) Im currently laying on a mattress, in an empty flat. So not have i only just being evicted, (handing keys in on mon) ive now lost my baby, plus as it spose to come in 3s, some direct debit come out yesturday and took the rest of my wages. I dont think i could sink any lower at this point. My partner was great last night, but today he seems withdrawn and quiet, he wouldnt even give me a kiss when i left, which seems very selfish of him, or of me? I dont know, i dont think this relationship is going to blossom now, im spose to be going back tomorrow (all my stuff is there inc appliances from this flat) but ive got a terrible feeling again in my gut.
Its strange in a way but for the last couple of weeks ive had this feeling 'I dont feel pregnant' and low and behold the outcome of yesturday. Very coincidental. But anyway i thought i would let you girls know, i wish you all the best of luck for sticky healthy beans and easy pregnancies, hopefully speak to you all again one day in the future. Heres something i wrote about baby when i put it on facebook.
Here is a pic of the baby at 7 week scan x
So for anyone that didn't know. Here is another beautiful angel baby of mine. Confirmed yesturday. I'm only 7 weeks when this scan was done on the 23rd of January. I now would be 11 weeks and 2 days when it was confirmed. I don't know what to say to be honest. Other than I cannot believe I've lost another baby. Another piece of me has yet been taken and although I feel as though my life has ended and I have nothing left. I know it hasn't and i must continue. I find it to be cruel and unfair, to give me a hint of something twice and it to be taken away. I can't understand it but I guess I never will. Your forever in my mind and memory.. and seeing you on the screen yesturday with no heartbeat broke me, and forgive me for not looking for longer then I did. Your short life will not be in vain and I will do as much as I can to carry on and make you proud to be in heaven calling me mum. Once again I will never hold you, or stroke your soft head. The ache to have held you both in my arms is tremendous and I don't think it will ever go. But in a strange and unique way, I don't want it to.. because its all I have left of you both, to know that you were there and you were apart of me. We are one. Anyway, I have to go now, get on with my life I spose. No matter how young you both were, I am still proud and I will miss you, ache for you and continue to love you and cherish you both forever, as long as I live. My babies youll be. See you both one day, it'll just be longer then we hoped - Your Mother x
