My friend

[Kim]

My friend who I have known since I was 2 didn't turn up for Rubie's Christening. To say I was gutted is an understatement and I vowed never to forgive her.

The following day she e mailed me and said she had seen my OH's son who asked why she wasn't there and she realised she had got her dates mixed up. She is very disorganised and always has been, I know what she is like. I usually have to phone and remind her about everything. So that's fair enough but the date was on the invitation and if she cared enough, why wouldn't she make more of an effort to make sure she remembered, ie make a reminder on her phone or put in on her calendar or in her diary??

I don't see a lot of her because she works shifts and lives a couple of miles away and doesn't drive. And tbh we are the kind of friends who bicker if we spend too much time together, but I really care about her.

I know she cares about me and it's just her being her, but I hate having to do all the running and remind her all the time. I have a new baby to look after (who she has only visited twice; in the first week) and she has no ties. Even when she visited, she just wanted to hold Rubie and never asked how I was. When I told her what an ordeal I'd had, she just ignored me and coo'd over Rubie

Am I wrong to think she should make more of an effort? And should I forgive her?

She has asked to meet up becasue she wants to see me and Roo, should I agree?

At the end of the day you lot have been better friends to me lately than she has ever been.

Really sorry to ramble on, and thanks for reading.

 

[beanie]

Its a tricky one hun. I have friends like this, and I myself are disorganised but I also have to run round after certain friends and it does get wearing after a while. I would go and meet her nd just let her know how hurt you were when she missed the christening. If you talk it through it'll help clear the air. I hope you get it sorted hun xx

 

[Kim]

Oh one other thing, every time I make it known she has upset me, she always manages to turn it round to make me feel guilty for being upset about it - if that makes sense??

 

[Urchin]

How sorry is she?
Is she going to try and make it up to you somehow?

My friend overslept and missed my wedding, I was mad, but I forgave him as he was gutted and really sorry.

She needs to make this up to you, I wouldn't say "never" forgive her, but make sure she knows you are upset and needs to take your feelings into account more.
Maybe a bit of space from each other is what's needed. It sounds like she takes you for granted a bit.

Personally what I'd do it blank her for a bit and see what happens...if she doesn't do anything then you know what kind of friend she is

 

[BubbleOne]

I have to say I'd be gutted if someone I reguard as a true friend forgot my daughters Christening. Like you say she should have written it somewhere.

I'd also be annoyed by an 'I fogot' excuse.

So I totally understand how you feel.

What you have to decide is whether you can just move on from this or whether it'll always be at the back of your mind everytime you see her. If you know she is forgetful and you truely believe her excuse then I guess maybe you should forgive her.

And if she wants to meet up with you and Roo then agree providing you don't have to make all the effort to see her. And see how you feel when you are actually with her.

It's a difficult one.

 

[Em78]

Hi Kim

i dont think you are wrong to be miffed with her. but i think that at certain times of your life you just outgrow people and leave them behind. we have friends who have no concept of how different our life is now and though we still see them i find my feelings towards them have changed. thing is its us thats changed not them - so cant really blame them

i dont think there is any need to stop seeing her if you still want to but she may not be as close a friend as she used to be. the relationship may swing back to what it used to be when she has kids one day .

our friend even compared us being run ragged with a baby to her taking care of her bloody house rabbit she was like ' i know what you mean i feel like that with Milo sometimes' ! if i trusted her to care for a baby i would have suggested a swap for an evening and see what she thought after!

oh well, keep smiling anyway you've always got your lo to love you!

x

 

[Urchin]

our friend even compared us being run ragged with a baby to her taking care of her bloody house rabbit she was like ' i know what you mean i feel like that with Milo sometimes' !

x

That made me do a LOL



Some people just have NO idea

 

[Kim]

Thanks for your advice girls. Well I replied saying to let me know when she is going to come round (emphasis on HER making the effort). She normally asks me to go there or to pick her up, so I will refuse and see just how bothered she is about seeing us hey?

 

[budge]

My friend who I have known since I was 2 didn't turn up for Rubie's Christening. To say I was gutted is an understatement and I vowed never to forgive her.

The following day she e mailed me and said she had seen my OH's son who asked why she wasn't there and she realised she had got her dates mixed up. She is very disorganised and always has been, I know what she is like. I usually have to phone and remind her about everything. So that's fair enough but the date was on the invitation and if she cared enough, why wouldn't she make more of an effort to make sure she remembered, ie make a reminder on her phone or put in on her calendar or in her diary??

I don't see a lot of her because she works shifts and lives a couple of miles away and doesn't drive. And tbh we are the kind of friends who bicker if we spend too much time together, but I really care about her.

I know she cares about me and it's just her being her, but I hate having to do all the running and remind her all the time. I have a new baby to look after (who she has only visited twice; in the first week) and she has no ties. Even when she visited, she just wanted to hold Rubie and never asked how I was. When I told her what an ordeal I'd had, she just ignored me and coo'd over Rubie

Am I wrong to think she should make more of an effort? And should I forgive her?

She has asked to meet up becasue she wants to see me and Roo, should I agree?

At the end of the day you lot have been better friends to me lately than she has ever been.

Really sorry to ramble on, and thanks for reading.

life it too short to fall out with people and falling out with people is so harrible and takes up so much energy.
Just meet up and put everything behind you.
You've been friends too long to fall out.

 

[Layla]

you prob know what im going to say lol

forgive her hun, tell her she has upset you, nd make sure she understands, but dont fall out over it.

friends mean alot, even if they are a pain in the arse sometimes

xxx

 

[budge]

ditti Layla!

i felt so bad toward my friend a few months ago but i decided to phone her and make amends. its really not worth the heart ache of a fall out.

 

[Kim]

That's the thing I don't want to fall out, so every time she does something like this I just forgive her. But she keeps on doing things to upset me so the more I forgive her the more she will do it right?

 

[budge]

gosh you sound like me and my friend.

what i have decided to do is stay in touch but keep a certain distance. Sort of wave if i see her. Text her to see if shes ok and pop around now and then.
Im not big buddys with her anymore but neither am i wasting my time hating her.

Just stay civil with her and go out for a cuppa every now and then.

 

[Kim]

Well she has just replied to me and asked me how the christening went and if I fancy going round to hers and taking Roo to the park on her street. She also said I still seemed arsed off with her (well of course i am lol)

so i replied back saying how much she hurt me and that she should have made more of an effort but that i dont wanna fall out so lets forget it.

thanks for all your support guys, god knows what state our friendship would be in if it werent for all of you!!

 

[budge]

do you feel better now?
im sure once you meet up and fuss over baby things will just blow over and you'll be back to normal.

 

[hels]

Hey hun!
Like i said on mSN, your not on your own, i am the one who always runs around after my mates, organising time to get together and i always go to see them, they rarely come here.
I have been mates with them years, and once it really upset me that they were so useless, i asked myself 'if i really really needed them, would they be there for me???' a few months later they proved to me they would. I split with my ex and the next night they had driven the hours drive and brough choccy and a take away.
I think if you can count on them when it matters (apart from christenings!! !!!) then they are good mates, if only a little crap now and then lol!!!
see ya tommorrow hun xx