How to Approach a Friend

[Jade&Evie]

I'm not sure if this should go in Relationships

I have two friends, 'A' and 'S'. They are lesbians (just to avoid confusion lol! ) and have lived together about 10 weeks.

'A' has been my friend since school and I met 'S' through her.
'S' is registered disabled. She has nerve damage and on a bad day she couldn't get out of bed if she tried. When they first started seeing each other A was registered as S's carer and therefore gets paid a carers allowance.

Now here's the problem. A does NOTHING for S. Last week S had an operation and 2 days later A told her she didn't love her and didn't want to be with her. She then buggered off for a weekend and had a great time while S was stuck at home immobile and on her own. A went back to her parents who basically told her she'd made her bed and now she had to lay in it. So A has gone back to the flat that her and S share. I went round yesterday and A was conked out in bed at 4 in the afternoon after another night of drinking and I know she is out tonight and all over the weekend too. I watched S change her own dressings and then offer to make me a cup of tea The way I see it; if A is being PAID to be her carer she should be caring for her.

I also feel like she's taking the piss moneywise. She doesn't work and hasn't made any effort to since she's left school- she just wants to stay a home, sleep and claim benefits. She worked in the pub for a few weeks until when someone complained about her attitude (which is horrendous at times!) she accused them of being homophobic I lent her £150 two weeks ago because she said she was in the shit and would be able to pay me back at the end of the month- TBH it seems like she's just pissing my money down the drain.

I have had a word with S and we've both agreed that someone needs to say something to her. I think that if she cant handle the responsibilty of being S's carer then she should get off her arse and find a job. I know she's my friend but as her friend I feel like I should tell her- a true friend is honest even if you don't want to hear it.

How Do I Approach It without seeming too aggressive!? It makes me so angry that even sitting here typing it is making my blood boil

 

[Jynann]

morning hunny,
To be honest I think it should be S who feels it is her responsability to tell A that her behaviour is unreasonable. I know your her friend but this is a problem within there relationship and if you get involved, ultimatly you will end up looking like the bad guy!
Your friend A is obviously, either, not happy within the relationship, hence the drinking binges and buggering off and not looking after S like she should be or is just plane selfish and not giving 2 hoots about her poor girlfriend stuck at home ill - either way, I think you should talk to S and get her to speak to A and tell her she needs to change or else (but not that blunt lol)

Thats just my opinion anyway - I hope it helps and good luck

 

[Jade&Evie]

Doh! Should have said- S won't mention anything at the moment becase A will kick off (it's inevitable!) and she's dealing with the aftermath of major surgery- she has asked me to say something because apparantly I'm the only one with the 'guts'

A is selfish- she always has been but its got to a point where I am spending 2 hours a day at her house doing her washig up and keeping S company while she is sleeping off a hangover.

I don't give 2 hoots about the relationship- I think it's destructive and best off ending anyway. Its her blatant laziness!

 

[poochielove]

Is there no one you can phone annoymously regarding her claiming careers allowence when she is not actually doing any caring? They should take all her money from her so she has to get a job. tbh i really hate people like this, makes me so mad. Did A get with S because she new she would get money? Lastly dont lend her anymore money! People like that always say they are in the shit...but can always afford their next night out/fags etc. You need the money more, she just sounds lazy. Sorry if that sounded harsh but i really hate bums!!