My first rant!

Discussion in 'Third Trimester' started by lulu, Nov 20, 2005.

  1. lulu

    lulu Well-Known Member

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    Hi,

    Just wanted to rant about my mother!!!

    When I told my mum I was pregnant, way back in March/April time, I had no congratulations from her. She even said that she would rather it be my sister as she had an eptopic pregnancy the year before. She even asked whether it was my partners baby, right in front of him!!!!

    Things have got better over time but we still havent had a congratulations!!!

    Anyway, she is coming up today from Devon. She had to book a certain date as she is coming up by coach as she wont drive! :roll: She keeps going on saying 'it will be a waste of time if the baby doesnt arrive' which is nice to hear! - its nice to know she wants to come and see me!!!

    Last night I called her, I gave her details of where to get a train if I go into Labour and cant pick her up. (Im already driving about 40 miles to pick her up from York)
    She expected my partner to pick her up if I couldnt!!!!
    Then when I explained that she would be able to get a taxi from the train station to the hospital she still expected my partner to leave me - in the middle of labour - to go and pick her up!!!
    She kept saying how she would be tired after such a long journey with 2 bags!!!!! :shock: :shock: :shock:

    Is it me or is she just thinking of herself.

    We are letting her stay in the house for a week yet when we visit her we have to book a B&B!!!

    I know I should say something and stand up to her, my partner gets frustrated with me so Im also worried about how the week will be between the two of them!

    He says its not fair for her to give me extra stress - I just keep quiet for an easy life!!!

    Any one else in a similar situation, any advice? sorry to go on guys. Just feel like I needed to talk to someone! :(
     
  2. petchy

    petchy Well-Known Member

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    OMG lulu, you poor thing! you have enough to think about as it is with labour imminent, you shouldn't have to think about looking after your mum too! i am assuming that we are talking about an adult person here who is perfectly capable of looking after herself. YOU should be the centre of everyone's caring attention right now and put your feet up while everyone looks after you! do you think she will change once she sees her grandchild for the first time?

    it certainly makes me appreciate my own mum a lot more, she's coming over from norway and has to make her own way from stansted airport as neither me nor my partner drive. well she's coming the day before my due date anyway so in any case we wouldn't want OH to have to go fetch her in case something happened while he was away.
     
  3. Layla

    Layla Well-Known Member

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    aww Lu im sorry to hear that,

    My nan is like that, she brought me up instead of my mum (long story) and she made it clear everyday that she didnt want to be doing it and that i was never as good as my sisters.
    for years i have tried to impress and please her but nothing i do works, like you my hubby Jase gets annoyed that i let her walk all over me and put me down.

    last weekend i finaly stood up for her and she didnt like it, went off in a huff, we are not talking now, but that suits me fine, if she cant accept me for who i am then i dont want to know.

    so my advice to you is to stand up to her, dont let her make you feel bad in anyway, you have to look after you right now, not your mum.

    hope your baby doesnt keep you waiting to long :)

    good luck

    xxx
     
  4. Urchin

    Urchin Well-Known Member

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    If I would you I would tell your mom how you feel. Otherwise you will just get more upset later when she's making commenst about how you are bringing up the baby etc.

    Do it now and if she doesn't like it, tough, you are an adult now and you can make the rules.
     
  5. Tiny Sue

    Tiny Sue Well-Known Member

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    I'm sorry to hear that about your Mom. It sounds like she's being very selfish - and someone told me recently, you forget, how it was for you when you were having your little bundle. So maybe if Mom understood that Dads are allowed in to the labour ward now, and not made to pace around outside, or have to go and expect a text message in the pub, she might be more supportive. Tell her how you feel, it's probably going to get worse between you if you don't do it now when there's no pressure on.

    I always feel sad when I hear about rows with Moms. I'm not being sanctimonious or anything. I had a wonderful relationship with my Mom but was just getting to know her as a woman and a friend when she died five years ago.

    I know how some Moms are. I know that my Mom's sisters, for instance, would drive me nutty, and probably will, when this child is born. I am blessed with a very non-invasive and genuinely helpful mother-in-law - the one I'm actually worried about telling me how to rear the child is my sister! :lol: It's so long since I babysat a child, she thinks that I won't even remember how to change a nappy! ( I changed hers!)

    I hope everything works out. Maybe births and christenings are like weddings...everyone wants to be a part of it and you just have to put your foot down and you get to, when the day is all about you! (And it is!)

    *HUG*

    Sue
     
  6. lulu

    lulu Well-Known Member

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    Hi, thanks for your replies :)

    Im Glad that all my family live so far away, I know it sounds awful but Im not close to any of them and find them all very opinionated and annoying (for want of a better word). The only family member I was close to was my dad but he died 5 years ago from Leukemia.

    My partners mum is lovely, very open minded and very down to earth!!! :)

    My mum has been staying with us since Sunday and goes back saturday morning, Roll on saturday!!!!
    I am feeling quite stressed as she is very hard work. She still expects me to drive to York (which is around 40 miles) to catch her coach on saturday and I will be 6 days overdue then! Her comments were 'I dont really want to pay out for train fares when you can just take me and I give you the money!' It will be great if Im driving back up the A1 motorway and go into labour!!!! :x

    She also didnt like it when I said I just wanted my partner in the delivery room.

    My partner says she is very selfish and it should be just 'our' time, he says I should say how I feel to her, but I know how that would be, and I stay quiet for an easy life!!!!

    I now know why my dad always stayed quiet or out the way!!! :lol: :shock:
     
  7. Tara & Liam

    Tara & Liam Well-Known Member

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    Hi Lulu

    I really feel for you hun, especially at a time like this.

    Your OH is correct you really need to stand up to her, but it is easier said than done, especially if she has always been like this.

    This is the perfect opportunity to say what you really want to and then blame it all on pregnancy hormones!!!

    But if you find this too hard then right a letter, telling her how you really feel. If you wrote the letter and got a response that you didnt expect ie that she didnt want to see you again, do you think that you would be able to cope with that.

    You really shouldnt be driving at your stage. i used to work for the police and they wanted to stop pregnant women driving at 7 months!!

    You mum sounds a lot like my nan and believe me if she hadnt died i would have cut her out of my life. At the end of the day you do not need so much negativity in your life. You have a beautiful family that will be added to any day now. Start thinking of yourself hun.

    x
     
  8. lulu

    lulu Well-Known Member

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    Well peace at last, my mum went home today!!!

    I didnt drive her to York in the end - all week Ive been stressing about it as she said she couldnt see why I couldnt drive her and then right at the last minute she asked about getting the train. Still made a thing about it though which made me feel bad!

    Maybe baby will make an appearance now, I was very stressed and aggrivated while she was here, Im wondering if that has made me overdue - either that or baby was waiting untill she had gone :lol:
     
  9. Urchin

    Urchin Well-Known Member

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    Hooray! Now you can relax for a bit.

    I bet now the coast is clear that baby will be out before you know it!

    Good luck!
     
  10. lulu

    lulu Well-Known Member

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    I just had to post this.......

    I spoke to my mum today, gave her an update on the midwife appointment today (stretch and sweep) and that I had been booked in for induction etc etc. The conversation got on to labour, the first thing that annoyed me was the fact that she said 'thats when you need your mother', she keeps making comments like this and I know its directed at the fact I only want my partner with me and she doesnt like it.......she tends to forget that she has never really been there for me plus having her there would drive me insane and stress me out completely!!! :evil: :evil: :evil:

    Anyway.......the thing that annoyed me the most was the comment 'oh, well I wont comment to much on labour but I 'll gaurantee there will be tears'!!!!
    Is the women trying to stress me out completely??? :evil: this was after I had told her how anxious I was feeling about going into hospital after seeing my dad fight leukemia for months on end in hospital and after I had told her I cried when I went in on monday!!!!! :evil:

    The women never ceases to amaze me....she kept repeating her comment as well!!!

    I know she is my mum but........Grrrrrrr!!!!! :evil: :evil: :evil:
     
  11. Layla

    Layla Well-Known Member

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    some familes are crap!

    lulu, dont let her get to you, easier said than done i know, i have just gone through a battle with my family, but now i have cut them out of my life and already im starting to feel better for have peace and quiet!

    if you can, try to avoid contact with her untill after your baby is born, that way you can conserntrate on you, your OH and the baby without worring or stressing about what your mum says/thinks.

    good luck hun, im sure everything will go well and you will be fine

    xxx
     

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