How do I tell my Mum....

[HideiLu]

My MIL and OH are my birthing partners. OH for obvious reasons, and MIL as she is sooooo calming!! we get on really well and couldn't think of anyone better nearby to be birthing partner. She does Reiki healing too which is sooooo relaxing and will be brill having her here in the early stages. (Bless her she had a lump in her throat when we asked her and said she was honoured! )

Thing is, I haven't asked my own Mum to be there. I do LOVE my Mum to bits, but I just don't see her being a very good birthing partner! She is lovely in her own way, but will just make comments like 'oooh get on with it!' or similar Plus she lives over an hour away and works full time (3 jobs) whereas MIL lives closer and works from home.

I don't want to hurt my Mum if I tell her MIL is going to be there and not her?

 

[millylillyrose]

do you have to bring it up at all?

You could just ask her when she plans on coming to see the baby once its born, and say how special that will be for the 2(3) of you.
I wouldnt make a big deal out of it in front of her, it may be more upsetting that way!

 

[nickilubs]

Out of risk of upsetting her I would just keep quite about it too! Its difficult for her to be there anyway, I would just go ahead with your OH being your birthing partner and then if it does come out that his mum was there and it is mentioned then just say it was a last minute thing you were struggling and she was there. Im sure they will understand, you cant have everyone there xxx

 

[NickyB]

Ohh, nasty one. If I were you and worried it would upset her, I keep it as if it was a last minute decision and just worked out that way, I say that as she lives over an hour away.

I might be a bad person for saying that!!

 

[Jollypops]

I probly wouldnt say anything if it was me, but i would have said the same as you about my mum but as it happened she was the one standing by me all the way through together with paul and i nearly broke her hand (she's a very small lady!) and she was better than i ever thought possible.

 

[HideiLu]

I can't just not tell her, I would feel so bad!

I have had a think though, and if my homebirth is ok to go ahead, then I suppose I oculd always phone her when labour starts and she would be welcome to make her way to Brighton if she wants once she finishes work? I wouldn't mind so much then as OH will probably want to take a nap at some point, and there is plenty of room at our place so I wouldn't feel overcrowded. Plus then it is her choice?!

 

[Hazel]

Will you ring her as soon as labour starts? If not then she doesn't need to know your MIL is going to be birthing partner until after.

 

[aramintalovegrove]

That sounds like a good idea, but be honest Im sure deep down she will understand your rational if you do have to have a hospital birth and she cant be there, you make a good argument.

My MIL was at my DS birth, didnt even register that my mum might be upset or left out and TBH she would have driven me mad!

 

[Jade&Evie]

Lucie I thought my mum would be a bit of a pain when I was in labour but I really appreciated her being there.

The fact she works stands for nothing - my mum wasn't going to miss Evie being born for the world! Normally you're in labour for more than a few hours so she'll have plenty of time.

She'd have been so hurt if my MIL had been there not her.

Are you sure you don't want her there?

 

[HideiLu]

Lucie I thought my mum would be a bit of a pain when I was in labour but I really appreciated her being there.

The fact she works stands for nothing - my mum wasn't going to miss Evie being born for the world! Normally you're in labour for more than a few hours so she'll have plenty of time.

She'd have been so hurt if my MIL had been there not her.

Are you sure you don't want her there?

Oooh it's not an absolute not wanting her there, just thinking of the best people in that kind of situation. Maybe the experienced ladies are right and she'll be an angel on the day.

I know she'll find it hard to take the time off though - she is a carer privately for a couple who are both in wheelchairs, and shares the daily care with one other woman, so if she's not there the other woman would have to be (who is unreliable and been taken into care herself for alcohol abuse a few times!) plus she bathes an elderly woman every other day and then on top does private cleaning - so for all those, she would need cover and lose money.

I think I'll go with the above and tell her on the day it happens. If it's convenient for her she'll be here and probably sit in the corner drinking tea or taking a kip bless her!!

 

[HideiLu]

Ooh and just an example of my Mums Maternal-ness, when she was round the other day, she saw the car seat and was like ooh, is this the pram then!! I can just imagine her pushing us round the pavement in a car seat when we were babies!

 

[dannii87]

Not everyone's Mum-Daughter relationship is the same so putting my feelings about my own Mum to one side, I think your plan is fine!!

I probably wouldn't go into detail about why you want your MIL there (if mentioning it at all ) as I think that could really hurt her feelings...

But yeah, your plan sounds good!!! xx

 

[CH0C0H0LIC]

Could you not go along the lines that the hosp see your mil as a practitioner due to reiki therapy and under those circumstances she is allowed at the labour but say the hosp would have an issue with multiple birthing partners - if you get the home birth I'd go with what you were thinking ie phone Mum so she can make her way over in her own time...

If worrying about your Mum being there would put you under stress then for you and your baby's sake I would do what you feel best (even if it means a little white lie).

Sarah xxx

 

[Moofa]

MMM difficult one.

I personally would be honest but in a bendy way by saying that you want your Mum and MIL there so will give her a ring when to come to the hospital, and then it is down to your Mum to make arrangements for cover etc at her work place and at such short notice may not be able to make it.

I have the situation where my in-laws live 15 mins from the hospital and my mum 1.5 hours away, but I have been upfront to my in-laws and said I don't not them arriving without my Mum, that I want all grandparents to arrive at hospital together, and my in-laws have agreed to pick my Mum up from the train station. I even had to emphasise to my SIL that she can't see the baby before they do either.

Hope this helps?

Mx

 

[Penstraze]

I can totally understand how you feel my MIL has been there for me every step of the way on this pregnancy she came to all the scans and although I just want me and DH at the actual birth I will probably ask her to be there for some of the labour, she has left it as you have my number if you need me at all anytime of day or night call and I will be there which I think is really nice of her. My mum lives a good 3 hour drive away so wont come up til babies born which im so glad of cause she totally did what she wanted over my sisters labour and she ended up with just my Mum there for much of her labour when she wanted her OH but he felt left out being there with Mum there so left theres no way I'd have put up with that I love my Mum dearly but I think having her at the birth would wind me up. You know yourself what kind of effect your Mums presence will have on your birth and the way you feel, this is your birth its important, the people you have there can make so much difference to the experience for you its the one time you have to be selfish and put your feelings above everyone elses!!

 

[Mildly]

I agree with the others, I think the less you mention about it to your Mum the easier and less stressful the birth will be for you. I know that there is no way on earth I would let my Mum be there at the birth (and I'm sure she wouldn't want to be).

I think your homebirthing plan is great and that would solve all problems in the respect of who is there so fingers crossed you get the go ahead for it