my angels due date - feeling sad

[Clementine]

I've had two missed miscarriages at 10 & 11 weeks, I try to focus on the positive but I find the passing of their original due date tough to think about. My first would have been due June 2013 and my second pregnancy was twins that would have been due next week March 8th though consultant had said he would have taken me early. It's hard to believe the 9months has passed again. I've convinced myself and others that I'm keeping strong but I feel that the pause button has been pressed. I'm busy with work but socially I've pulled back from my friends, I feel like they're thinking that as I'm 42 my chances of becoming a Mum are slim. I am normally someone who if I really want something, I work at it and it happens and I've always considered myself lucky with lots of blessings. But the last 18months have been tough, it's so out of your control that I find it frustrating. I can read articles, take temps, get blood tests, pee on sticks but none of it can magic a healthy baby for me and my hubby. I know the fact that I actually got pregnant twice is one hurdle crossed but I'm starting to feel a big ticking clock sitting over me. I dont want it to get in on me,but over time it is, in the past I always believed "what's for you doesn't pass you" I just don't want to consider that maybe being a Mum isn't for me.

 

[Hopeful75]

Oh Clementine, I can so understand how you're feeling. My year is becoming punctuated by anniversaries of mc and due dates. My oh and I had a massive chat after this last one about how life for us has been in limbo for 18months. Whilst we carry on with day to day life, the ideas we had of moving house/getting married/finding a new job have been pushed aside. Every month is a cycle of wtt, ov, am I aren't I? - there seems to be no room for anything else. Friends either understand or have started to keep their distance because I'm no longer up for going out for drinks, which has made us feel more isolated.

We have decided to make sure that we actually do things to move forwards, starting with having some jobs done on the house and joining a badminton club. I live in hope that a baby is in our future- like you I don't want to think about the possibility I won't be a mum. As you said, we have no control over whether that will happen, so I'm determined to be as happy as possible in every other area, which is far far easier said than done.

I have my fingers crossed for us both- a baby is for us and our time will come.

 

[Clementine]

Just got some good news so feeling cheered up my thyroid had gone underactive at Christmas and my consultant increased my daily eltroxin and told us to stop TTC until April. I got my bloods tested last Monday and the consultant just rang me to say the results look good and we can try in March )

 

[Hopeful75]

See? Our time will come!

 

[Clementine]

Thanks Hopeful75, we're also getting work done to our house its a very dusty distraction! I agree that we must stay happy in other areas of our lives. I never dreamt 4 years ago that I would meet my OH, fall head over heels for him, get married and be trying for a baby. I had a few longterm relationships in the past but had never thought of having babies with them. I am blessed to have found someone who I love unconditionally, he has been so good through both losses even though I know he would love to be a Dad.

Fingers crossed we will both get our baby dust and that we'll get to share our love with a new little person.